I have absolutely no clothes.

So of course I decided today to reorganize my closet - it was best to stay home and clean them out.

In all honesty I can't find anything in them, so I needed to purge the pieces I don't wear and reorganize so that I can find things properly.

And what did I find? I have no clothes. More specifically no fall clothes. Don't think I wasn't about to run out and shop like nobody's business - basically keep Bloomingdale's in business - in the mood I was in today it would have made me feel better maybe, but I didn't. Shopping to make one feel better is not a wise choice.

It really isn't it. It just makes you spend more than you want, buy things you really will never wear and gives you a higher credit card bill than needed along with separate pieces not outfits. No outfits means you have to go out shopping again which also means spending more money.

You wind up buying cocktail dresses for parties you will never attend or be invited to because they are cute and make you feel pretty so that winds up lifting your spirits.

So, take my advice, when you're in a shit mood because you are an idiot, don't shop. Just stay in and drink. That's probably the best medicine.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Well one of the most, this happens twice a year - the start of a new fashion season! We have two of these wonderful times - beginning of September for the Fall/Winter season and beginning of March for the Spring/Summer.

Now of course my preference is the Spring/Summer season, well duh, I hate the cold. However what I love, love, love! about Fall/Winter are the shoes. Knee high boots, and now this season coming - thigh high boots (annnd I already picked out the ones I am getting this weekend), closed toe pumps and booties.

Sigh, if there is a heaven for me it would be a shoe dept. Particularly the Bloomingdale's shoe dept.

I have already decided what my look for fall is - and hell no I am not telling you! I don't want you copying my look. Its all mine.

But, I will show you my amazing! purchase today. Yes it is the picture up top of the most beautiful shoe I have seen, today.

Now, I went to the doctor and the doctor is on the block of that hideous, disgusting, should be burned to the ground store called crocs. I was on the phone with a friend after said doctor appt and was flipping out about the croc store of course, I then turn the corner looked in a store window and I stopped.

He was mid sentence when I rudely interrupted him to say "Those are the most beautiful shoes in the world." Anyone who knows me personally knows my infatuation with shoes. If I pass a store with a pair of shoes I deem cute, beautiful or amazingly fabulous I will stop and more often than not walk right into the store to try them on.

The price does not matter. Seriously. If I can walk in them - and trust I will walk around in the shoes for about 15 minutes in the store to make sure they are comfy - I buy them.

So back to my acquisition today. Its really hard to tell in the picture, but they are a beautiful bright navy blue, in suede - suede! Who doesn't love suede? Did you see that heel? Its perfect! And the ankle strap? ahhhh sexy shoes.....love, love, love! These shoes will be good with skinny jeans or a skirt, and I already have in my closet 5 outfits that work with them.

And just to go the extra mile I am getting them in black too. They didn't have them at that store but they are having the warehouse ship them and they will call me when they come in. Which will be tomorrow. Yes I am that person. I once tried on a pair of Prada flats at Barneys, needed a half size bigger and had the sales person call Barneys in California since they had them and they Fedexed them to me. Let us not forget the infamous, take that outfit off the mannequin I want to try it on incident (they didn't have my size on the rack) the bitch sales person proceeded to say "its a zero" I stared her down, got the outfit put it on and proceeded to walk out, find her (of course she was helping another customer) and said "yea I will be taking it, but note its little big." Stupid ass she was.

I digress...back to my shoes.

No I am not telling you where I got them, nor how much I spent. Again, I really hate seeing people with my shit. Yes, Yes its mean, but to be fair, if someone asks me I will tell them, I do, I don't lie (I kinda can't its weird) but I will not put them out on blast right now when someone else can run up in there and buy 'em.

Shoes are meant to be discovered by the wearer. Its a relationship. You need to walk by a store and turn your head because you feel...something and that's when you see them. The shoe you need, want, or have always wanted.

Is this bizarre to you? Maybe. But that's my thing, shoes, I'm sure you have your thing. Whether its cardigans, bags, tools, dick - I don't know and I don't care.

All I care about right now is all the new boots and clothes I am going to buy this weekend.

American Express is going to love me by the end of it and I will hate the bill when it comes but god damn it I will look good!

Falls Flat

Sooooooo...its the last week of August and you know what that means..

All the September issues are out! And when I say issues I don't mean your manic / bi polar disorder I mean fall fashion magazines. Duh.

I had an easyish day today so I took the time to flip through the following: Vogue, Elle, W, Details and GQ. And they did not impress. With the exception of one - W. Now I might be biased to W because I know the design director (name dropper fuck yes I am) but it honestly stood out.

Now I know many of you reading this are like "What the fuck do I care about September issues? Why are you writing about this?" Well feel free to skip over this post, its my blog and I will write whatever I want on it. Oh and also, if you don't care, maybe you should, because fashion is important.

Anywhoo moving on.

Vogue of course is over 2/3 of ads. Seriously I don't read Vogue, they rarely have any article I care about, their editorials have become blah and anything within said editorial is mainly couture and unattainable, however they do run the most ads and I like to see all the new ad campaigns.

Elle has a hideous shot of Jennifer Aniston mimicking Barbara Streisand - though I will say the images as well the rest in the inside story are the best ever taken of her I'm not impressed. I mean is she really still that relevant? She hasn't had a good movie since what? The Good Girl? I guess she sells covers? Who knows, I don't see the need to have a celebrity on a fashion magazine cover - unless they are fashion forward which she is not. Also is this issue they of course do the "what to wear at any age" which breaks out what a women should wear in her 20's, 30's, 40's, and on and on. Well for the 30's (which is my age group) I am told to wear camel colors and fur. I repeat camel colors and fur. What the hell? Camel is a hideous color and not flattering to any skin tone. Plus, I think if someone wears camel they should be minimum over 45. Do not even get me started on the fur aspect of this - that's just fucking retarded. Major Fail #1 Elle. Major fail #2 they have the audacity - the audacity! - to say that sky high heels are out. That it is all about a kitten heel this fall. Oh. My. God. I honestly threw the magazine when I read that. Sky high heels are never out. And if they are they certainly are not being replaced by kitten heels. Kitten heels are the most unflattering heel over them all. You might as well wear flats. They are not cute in any sense of the word. They make your legs look like you have cankles. Trust me on this, I see plenty of women in these god forsaken shoes and their legs look fat and ugly. And who the fuck is Elle to decide this anyway? You're no Vogue Elle. You do not determine things like this.

GQ & Details. I always flip through these, though the only magazine I actually read for the articles is Details. The writing is well done, and the articles are funny as fuck. And honestly male models are hot, I have no problem flipping through a men's magazine wistfully daydreaming that one of these gorgeous me would sweep me off my feet.

On to the winner - W. People have said there isn't enough content, but it had the most and the content was quality and interesting. I enjoyed the editorial on London's east enders as well as the fashion editorial that was shot in Red Hook. W gets major props for that. The ad campaigns were the same as seen in Vogue and Elle but the size of W is so big and they use a better paper that it's nice to re-see them in their format. I'm curious though to see what they do in upcoming issues. If they can hold on or if they will fall flat.

Now the ad campaigns. UGH. Maybe I have been doing this too long but this season's ad campaigns do nothing for me. Let's face it, most campaigns are just recycled again and again, you can look at a Gucci campaign and say "That's like the CK campaign from 2006," etc, etc. But there are some good ones....

Dolce & Gabanna men's campaign shot by Steven Klein is fantastic. Clearly the best out there today, followed by the women's campaign with Madonna. Runner up awards go to Tom Ford and Gucci - however Gucci, shot by Mert & Marcus is pretty much a copy blend of an old CK campaign they shot and the 2004 (I think?) Gucci campaign shot by Terry Richardson.

We really need to get some new creative ideas for Spring.