I couldn't make this shit up even if I tried.

Sigh. Why does this always happen to me?

I was stepping onto the train today and some guy says hello to me - a fat ugly guy to be exact - I rudely ignore him and sit down. Mother fucker then has the balls to sit down next to me and seductively say "you know that's technically not a shirt your wearing."

WTF?

Side note, I am wearing a fucking shirt. A loose tank top that has big open arm holes. So yes you see some side of skin and bra and I usually do wear a tank top underneath but its hot as balls out and well I don't give a fuck. I'm covered.

I respond "well technically your a fat fuck who has no business talking to me. Say another word and I will cut out your tongue."

Granted my response took this little exchange to the next level. But I was right - he had no business talking to me. And I had to shut this shit down completely. I'm not saying I'm gorgeous but I definitely can do better than some fat ugly balding nerdy guy. I can and I do thank you very much. It just really annoys me that some people think its ok to just come up and talk to you out of no where. No - what really annoyed me was that this fuck thought for some reason I might have giggled and flirted back. Even if it he was hot that is some random, lamo BS to say to a girl and I would have probably just rolled my eyes and said "that's nice."

Now after I slammed him with my witty come back I new there could have been trouble. He wasn't happy but what ensued probably saved me from getting slapped. Every single person on the train started hysterical laughing. Which caused him to get up an sulk away.

Listen up people! Don't try to catch a fish that is way out of your league It's never going to happen unless you have lots of money, then all you catch is a gold digging whore with herpes.

Stupidest conversation I heard all week

Now yes it is early in the week so I am sure that I will overhear something stupider at some point but for now this is crowned the stupidest of the week.

I was walking to get lunch the other day and this woman, I mean mammoth, no no let me be nice - big (very big) lady says the following:

"I only have one pair of heels, and I spent $80 on them, the most I have ever spent on shoes."

Lets break down this sentence in two parts:

#1 - "I only have one pair of heels"

What. the. fuck. Seriously, what. the. fuck. How do you have only one pair of heels?? ONE?? And let me guess their ugly and black and go with nothing (or for you everything.). Minimum # of heels one woman should have is 15. BARE MINIMUM. I don't know, maybe her ankles would break under the 300lbs + weight they would have to support. But still doesn't she know heels are slimming?

#2 - "I spent $80 on them, the most I have ever spent on shoes."

Le sigh. Le fucking sigh. Really? Where the fuck are you shopping for all of your shoes?? Payless? I mean sure you can hit a good sale from time to time, but that is the most, EVER? $80?


Jesus, well I guess she rolls out the dough for food and not important things like shoes or clothes.

Granted this all came out of the mouth of a 300+lb reebook and acid wash jeans wearing chick so I guess it makes sense. But I think if she spent some money on shoes (or non acid wash jeans) she would start taking care of herself and want nicer things that only come in small sizes..

Who am I kidding? she'll be buried in that outfit.

This is why I am a full supported of having a real deal fashion police.

Just a thought

Don't wear crocs. They are disgusting. They look like plastic clogs which is really, really, truly hideous.

There is a woman that waits for my bus in the morning that wears them, though I think she changes into shoes when she gets into work (I snuck a peek in her bag once and saw heels) and everytime I see her I get disgusted more. Ladies, beauty is pain. More importantly, fashion or looking good is not necessarily comfy. Deal with it. Do not. I repeat do not were crocs.

They are worse than wearing reeboks with socks (you all know what I am talking about). At this point you are a heartbeat away from shoulder pads.

I rock heels 99% of the time. If I switch them out it's for Tory Burch Reva flats or flippy-floppys which I rarely do... pretty much cause I was born wearing heels (hey im short i gotta get some height on you guys!).

I have heard mothers tell me that crocs are good for kids, something about slipping, whatever i stop paying attention when people talk about the positive points on crocs.... I dont have a kid yet so i don't care.....Fine, under the age of ten ONLY. However when I have a kid they are rocking converse. (and no I am NOT a hipster douchbag)

Now I know the chick on the bus is single, and I say its because she is wearing crocs when she walks the streets on NYC. So let me be the first to say crocs = being single. Even men wearing them is gross. They are ugly. Words can not express how much I hate them, or how ugly, horrible, disgusting, etc they are.