Dear Sexy Brit

Oh kiddies, this one doozy, I totally killed a great booty call last night.

So last night, I finally got to see my sexy brit again. And of course it was amazing as always now I know your asking - "well if it was amazing then why?" No worries kiddies I will explain in full. So we have our fun, enjoy each others company and fall asleep. I was then woken up, i dunno maybe a half hour later? - I wasn't watching the clock - by sexy brit who was leaving because he wanted to go to work today and it was easier for him to go home then to go to work instead of staying over then doing it this morning.

This is a totally justified reason for leaving. I of course ask him to stay so we can in effect have sex again, sleep, wake up this morning, sex again, cuddle and then he can leave to go to work. And he again explained (sweetly) no, yadda, yadda, yadda...And how I take this? Oh in my true bitchy bratty form. I basically responded in the effect of "yea well whatever get out" totally shut down didn't really say goodbye and basically shut the door in his face.

But wait! There's more! Why would I let it end there? Why?! Me? Nooooo lets just show how much of a cunt I can be.

I then proceeded to text him basically in a nut shell calling him an asshole and thanking him - sarcastically mind you - for waking me up to leave that that was fucked up and I would have preferred him to have just left. Oh and not to mention insinuating that he was lying about going to work.

Totally makes sense right? Of course I would have preferred him to have snuck out instead of saying goodbye. Fucking duh.

When I am telling this full story to my mother, at this point she responds, "oh shit."

The response I got was as such and we're going verbatim here:

" Nope. Sorry. Still don't get it at all. So you're suggesting I should have crept out? Ok. That's one of your lessons I won't be taking with me i'm afraid. And are you saying i'm lying about working? Why would I lie? I have a job where I work many long days and weekends. As I said it's my choice to go in. I'm sorry if I upset you but again I have zero clue as to how or why"

To which my mother at this point in the story says "he pretty much told you."

Yes, yes he did and of course in the nicest way possible. So now here's the thing, the reason why I reacted like a crazy bitch is because I like him. Now, I know this is all my fault but can we put some blame on him? I mean come on! I want him to be my boyfriend. Who wouldn't? He's sexy, sweet, charming, great in bed, has a British accent, sends me drunken dirty texts to then apologize for them, reads my blog, thinks (or so he says) I'm sexy, acted like he was really interested in my new shoes, listened to me ramble on about how I'm super upset about my Balenciaga bag that's being repaired, got me to admit I really don't remember meeting him which he found funny, shall I go on? God damn it! he's fucking perfect and I wanted to wake up next to him. So basically I realized at that moment what I already knew that this is just sex and I got hurt and acted like a brat.

So of course I ate shit this morning via text and now via blog post shall we go to the text message? Why the hell not? Verbatim of course its only fair.

"are you lying? I dunno maybe? probably? people lie everyone lies except for me for some odd fucking reason but you probably not."

Yea see here I am still being a brat.

"I'm sure it makes absolutely no sense to you. mainly cuz I reacted (sure overly) and didn't really explain. Yes I rather u crept out instead of waking up asking you to stay and plainly being rejected. whether u had a good reason or not no one likes being told no."

This is better, but there is still the underlying bratty tone.

"but at the end of t he day the truth of it all is - I can't just be sex not with you. even if its really fucking great sex. I guess I wasn't over it. I do like you and I can't be in a situation where I'll be hurt. So i'm sorry I was bitchy you didn't deserve that at all. and there you have an insight into how I react when rejected - like a brat.

I think the last one was pretty good no? I'm honest, I put it all out there. I mean seriously do I have a sign on my forehead that says "are you an asshole? not ready for a relationship? Well then I'm the girl for you!"

I mean I had no business seeing him again. I know this. I asked one time if he wanted to get dinner and he explained that he wanted to stay single and has a strict no dating policy as he is just out of a relationship and keep what we have to booty calls. I then said that I couldn't do that because I liked him and didn't want to get hurt, though totally reserved the right when over him to have him back in my bed. I said I was over it, but I wasn't. And for some reason, thought I could continue being a booty call and kinda wait it out and once he was ready to be in a relationship I could make a play for him in that way.

Boy was I wrong. And I proved myself wrong in the most fantastic way possible - by acting like a crazy bitch. But I can't just shut off any emotion for him, I do truly like him. And god damn it I just totally swung it this weekend to not be able to have sex for a while (cause I killed my second long term booty call on Friday but that I don't really care about the sex isn't good anymore.).

So I have been told in affect by my mother not to leave the house, god knows what damage I could do. She said don't even go on the roof to tan, and if I do don't look at anyone.

So Sexy Brit, I'm sorry. And hope that when you are ready for a relationship you ask me out for dinner or drinks or something.

Fuck. This sucks. I don't like this feeling of being hurt. I'm going back to bed.