"You touch her again I'll fucking kill you."
Now, I will explain why this is so funny so you don't think that I think killing is funny.
I am on my way home today on the C train (which is short hand for Crazy train) and all of a sudden I hear "You touch her again I'll fucking kill you." I turn my head super quick, expecting to find out some guy mistakenly macked on a gang banger's girlfriend.
Boy was I wrong.
The above statement was said by some crazy as hell drunken black man (well most likely more drunk than crazy) to a unsuspecting white kid - who was touching his own girlfriend!
Crazy man got up out of his seat staggered across to the couple shook his paper in the kid's face and then threatened him with death. If - IF the kid touched his own girlfriend. He then staggered back to his seat (a fantastic feat considering he was on the verge of blacking out and the train was actually moving fast for a change) and proceeded to death look the kid the entire time (that is in between his eyes forcibly closing on him.)
(side note: I say kid but he was probably 25... to me that's a kid)
Everyone on the train stopped what they were doing immediately and were silent. The kid looked like he was going to pee his pants - i think he did a little. Seriously he was fucking scared shitless...the fear of death was clear on his face. The girlfriend was going to actually say something (what the hell was she going to say I wonder?) but he quickly stopped her. I don't think he was a fan of possibly dying this night.
What did I do? I laughed out loud. I nice hearty HA-HA! The whole scene was ridiculously funny - to me at least. That caused everyone to look at me thinking I was next to get a death threat or maybe even get killed.
Not so people, crazy man looked up at me and slowly, he smiled...then looked away towards his prey to continue on with the death stare.
It was completely and utterly genius.
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