This is what ensues

While one is drinking a bottle of wine on their own and the other is drinking a bottle of soco.

The other night my Aunt and I were watching the two most recent episodes of the Jersey Shore. Yes it was a Friday night, however we just spent two diabolical days of drinking in Paso and we were waiting for my cousin to come in from Reno so we decided to have a chill night.

As we are watching I mention that I kinda have a crush on Paulie D. What ensued became a discussion of epic proportions.

We wound up discussing over a cigarette during a commercial break if that if we fall into apocalyptic times, and we have to continue on man kind who of the Jersey Shore cast we would procreate with.

"Paulie D hands down."
"No the situation."
"No, he's ugly! he looks like Elmer Fudd."
"Yea but he's got a good body -"
"Butter Face! Butter Face!"
"Yea but the body and you don't have to look at the face."
"He's what we call a 3 bagger - two bags on his head (in case one comes off you have a backup) and one on yours in case both of his come off."
"No there are ways around that no bags..."
"What then from behind? where you say things like "no no don't try to pull my hair to turn my head around, I don't need to see you when I cum."
"hahahahahahahah but seriously he would be good during the end of the world times, he could get things done take control and he would protect his family."
"What! no way, he wouldn't know what to do, he fakes it, and he's probably bad in bed, do you really want to deal with that for the rest of you life?"
"Yea but Pauly D has a thick neck. And his hair"
"He does not have a thick neck, and remember during these times there would be no hair gel."

She concedes to the hair gel but won't stop on the whole "thick neck" issue.

We have totally kicked Vinnny and Ronnie out of this discussion. Vinny is a child and Ronnie is a dick (I mean come on! three way kissing girls and then climbing into Sammie's bed after he called her a cunt?) who is on steroids. We have our limits.

We then go back to the show and then start keeping score as things happen on each of the guys so that we can try to get the other to see our point of view.

"Yea, his neck isn't that big. But his eyebrows."
"That's cuz he gets them waxed. There would be none of that in the aftermath of the apocalypse."
"True."

Pauly then gets slapped by Angelina and takes it like a man. My aunt admits this, point for Pauly D. She at this point starts wavering. The next episode starts at the continuation of above mentioned slap. Angelina apologizes, and again Pauly speaks to her like a grown man - not a Jersey douche - explaining he can accept her apology, they can be cool but in affect they are not friends. My Aunt likes this.
I see her coming over to my way of thinking.

We continue on watching, and of course through all the drama on the show, they always pan to "The Situation" and even I will admit he gives a good dramatic face.

"See! See look at those faces! He knows whats up!"
"He just causes drama, that's what he does! When push comes to shove he is not going to back you up! He has no loyalty whatsoever! All he cares about himself."

I then realize Paulie has some really stupid tattoos. I can't tolerate that and start wavering....then they pan to "The Situation" and I quickly revert back to my original choice.

The argument goes on an on - seriously like two hours - becoming this vicious circle. So my Aunt comes up with a solution. We agree to let my cousin decide this for us because she is a breeder (4 kids) and would of course choose the better man.

She walks in the door and we ask her the question - who would you choose? The answer comes in a millisecond - Paulie D. She doesn't even blink.

I win.