So normally I get home after 8. Spin class people, spin class or more often work. Today though I left the office on time and did not go to the gym. I know, I know what you're thinking - "You didn't go to the gym???" No sadly I didn't. I pinched a nerve in my back, but no worries I will be back on my game tomorrow.
I left the office at 5:30 and got off the train at 5:50 (btw the trains are waaayyyyy crowded during the pm rush hour ick.) and as I am walking home I think, "what am I going to do? I can't start drinking now. What do people do when they get home this early?"
Actually, they get a lot accomplished. I got my laundry done, went food shopping - side note, don't go food shopping while doing a cleanse. It's super hard. I however was able to control myself and just got what I really needed for the rest of the week I then proceeded to make lunch for tomorrow, had dinner (of course a cleanse dinner) caught up with friends on the phone (usually by the time I get home all I want to do is pour myself a drink watch an hour of mindless TV and go to bed) and paid bills.
Damn these 9-5ers got it good. Who fucking knew? Well I guess I did but jesus you get home at 6pm the world is your oyster.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Falls Flat
Sooooooo...its the last week of August and you know what that means..
All the September issues are out! And when I say issues I don't mean your manic / bi polar disorder I mean fall fashion magazines. Duh.
I had an easyish day today so I took the time to flip through the following: Vogue, Elle, W, Details and GQ. And they did not impress. With the exception of one - W. Now I might be biased to W because I know the design director (name dropper fuck yes I am) but it honestly stood out.
Now I know many of you reading this are like "What the fuck do I care about September issues? Why are you writing about this?" Well feel free to skip over this post, its my blog and I will write whatever I want on it. Oh and also, if you don't care, maybe you should, because fashion is important.
Anywhoo moving on.
Vogue of course is over 2/3 of ads. Seriously I don't read Vogue, they rarely have any article I care about, their editorials have become blah and anything within said editorial is mainly couture and unattainable, however they do run the most ads and I like to see all the new ad campaigns.
Elle has a hideous shot of Jennifer Aniston mimicking Barbara Streisand - though I will say the images as well the rest in the inside story are the best ever taken of her I'm not impressed. I mean is she really still that relevant? She hasn't had a good movie since what? The Good Girl? I guess she sells covers? Who knows, I don't see the need to have a celebrity on a fashion magazine cover - unless they are fashion forward which she is not. Also is this issue they of course do the "what to wear at any age" which breaks out what a women should wear in her 20's, 30's, 40's, and on and on. Well for the 30's (which is my age group) I am told to wear camel colors and fur. I repeat camel colors and fur. What the hell? Camel is a hideous color and not flattering to any skin tone. Plus, I think if someone wears camel they should be minimum over 45. Do not even get me started on the fur aspect of this - that's just fucking retarded. Major Fail #1 Elle. Major fail #2 they have the audacity - the audacity! - to say that sky high heels are out. That it is all about a kitten heel this fall. Oh. My. God. I honestly threw the magazine when I read that. Sky high heels are never out. And if they are they certainly are not being replaced by kitten heels. Kitten heels are the most unflattering heel over them all. You might as well wear flats. They are not cute in any sense of the word. They make your legs look like you have cankles. Trust me on this, I see plenty of women in these god forsaken shoes and their legs look fat and ugly. And who the fuck is Elle to decide this anyway? You're no Vogue Elle. You do not determine things like this.
GQ & Details. I always flip through these, though the only magazine I actually read for the articles is Details. The writing is well done, and the articles are funny as fuck. And honestly male models are hot, I have no problem flipping through a men's magazine wistfully daydreaming that one of these gorgeous me would sweep me off my feet.
On to the winner - W. People have said there isn't enough content, but it had the most and the content was quality and interesting. I enjoyed the editorial on London's east enders as well as the fashion editorial that was shot in Red Hook. W gets major props for that. The ad campaigns were the same as seen in Vogue and Elle but the size of W is so big and they use a better paper that it's nice to re-see them in their format. I'm curious though to see what they do in upcoming issues. If they can hold on or if they will fall flat.
Now the ad campaigns. UGH. Maybe I have been doing this too long but this season's ad campaigns do nothing for me. Let's face it, most campaigns are just recycled again and again, you can look at a Gucci campaign and say "That's like the CK campaign from 2006," etc, etc. But there are some good ones....
Dolce & Gabanna men's campaign shot by Steven Klein is fantastic. Clearly the best out there today, followed by the women's campaign with Madonna. Runner up awards go to Tom Ford and Gucci - however Gucci, shot by Mert & Marcus is pretty much a copy blend of an old CK campaign they shot and the 2004 (I think?) Gucci campaign shot by Terry Richardson.
We really need to get some new creative ideas for Spring.
All the September issues are out! And when I say issues I don't mean your manic / bi polar disorder I mean fall fashion magazines. Duh.
I had an easyish day today so I took the time to flip through the following: Vogue, Elle, W, Details and GQ. And they did not impress. With the exception of one - W. Now I might be biased to W because I know the design director (name dropper fuck yes I am) but it honestly stood out.
Now I know many of you reading this are like "What the fuck do I care about September issues? Why are you writing about this?" Well feel free to skip over this post, its my blog and I will write whatever I want on it. Oh and also, if you don't care, maybe you should, because fashion is important.
Anywhoo moving on.
Vogue of course is over 2/3 of ads. Seriously I don't read Vogue, they rarely have any article I care about, their editorials have become blah and anything within said editorial is mainly couture and unattainable, however they do run the most ads and I like to see all the new ad campaigns.
Elle has a hideous shot of Jennifer Aniston mimicking Barbara Streisand - though I will say the images as well the rest in the inside story are the best ever taken of her I'm not impressed. I mean is she really still that relevant? She hasn't had a good movie since what? The Good Girl? I guess she sells covers? Who knows, I don't see the need to have a celebrity on a fashion magazine cover - unless they are fashion forward which she is not. Also is this issue they of course do the "what to wear at any age" which breaks out what a women should wear in her 20's, 30's, 40's, and on and on. Well for the 30's (which is my age group) I am told to wear camel colors and fur. I repeat camel colors and fur. What the hell? Camel is a hideous color and not flattering to any skin tone. Plus, I think if someone wears camel they should be minimum over 45. Do not even get me started on the fur aspect of this - that's just fucking retarded. Major Fail #1 Elle. Major fail #2 they have the audacity - the audacity! - to say that sky high heels are out. That it is all about a kitten heel this fall. Oh. My. God. I honestly threw the magazine when I read that. Sky high heels are never out. And if they are they certainly are not being replaced by kitten heels. Kitten heels are the most unflattering heel over them all. You might as well wear flats. They are not cute in any sense of the word. They make your legs look like you have cankles. Trust me on this, I see plenty of women in these god forsaken shoes and their legs look fat and ugly. And who the fuck is Elle to decide this anyway? You're no Vogue Elle. You do not determine things like this.
GQ & Details. I always flip through these, though the only magazine I actually read for the articles is Details. The writing is well done, and the articles are funny as fuck. And honestly male models are hot, I have no problem flipping through a men's magazine wistfully daydreaming that one of these gorgeous me would sweep me off my feet.
On to the winner - W. People have said there isn't enough content, but it had the most and the content was quality and interesting. I enjoyed the editorial on London's east enders as well as the fashion editorial that was shot in Red Hook. W gets major props for that. The ad campaigns were the same as seen in Vogue and Elle but the size of W is so big and they use a better paper that it's nice to re-see them in their format. I'm curious though to see what they do in upcoming issues. If they can hold on or if they will fall flat.
Now the ad campaigns. UGH. Maybe I have been doing this too long but this season's ad campaigns do nothing for me. Let's face it, most campaigns are just recycled again and again, you can look at a Gucci campaign and say "That's like the CK campaign from 2006," etc, etc. But there are some good ones....
Dolce & Gabanna men's campaign shot by Steven Klein is fantastic. Clearly the best out there today, followed by the women's campaign with Madonna. Runner up awards go to Tom Ford and Gucci - however Gucci, shot by Mert & Marcus is pretty much a copy blend of an old CK campaign they shot and the 2004 (I think?) Gucci campaign shot by Terry Richardson.
We really need to get some new creative ideas for Spring.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
It's very disappointing
When you are chilling waiting for your lunch at your favorite salad place and a cute guy comes in. You both check eachother out and you think, yum. And then you do the full body scan from head to toe...and you see toes!
Toes damn it! Because they are wearing flip flops! ARGH!
I don't think I have ever broached this subject, my passionate hate - loathing hate - of mandals. Mandals = man sandals I hate them. The only time a man should be wearing flip flops are at the pool or on the beach. They should not - not! under any other circumstance be showing their toes (barefoot inside is ok lets not be too much of a nazi with this.).
Its gross, men's feet are not nice. I don't want to see them on the train, on the street or where I get my fucking food. It makes me gag. Trust me I have been thisclose to going off on a guy for showing his toes in a social setting.
Listen up boys, keep your feet to yourself. Because trust, most chicks are with me on this one. And if they say no they are either lying or are desperate.
Toes damn it! Because they are wearing flip flops! ARGH!
I don't think I have ever broached this subject, my passionate hate - loathing hate - of mandals. Mandals = man sandals I hate them. The only time a man should be wearing flip flops are at the pool or on the beach. They should not - not! under any other circumstance be showing their toes (barefoot inside is ok lets not be too much of a nazi with this.).
Its gross, men's feet are not nice. I don't want to see them on the train, on the street or where I get my fucking food. It makes me gag. Trust me I have been thisclose to going off on a guy for showing his toes in a social setting.
Listen up boys, keep your feet to yourself. Because trust, most chicks are with me on this one. And if they say no they are either lying or are desperate.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Quote of the day
"If I'm hanging out with a guy they are either gay or I am fucking them within 3 hours. I've got plenty of friends"
- Now who do you think said that??
Monday, August 23, 2010
Dear Mother Nature,
Quick question for you.
Why the hell was it fucking freezing today? Hmmmm? Hum hello? Maybe you forgot but its August. Not October. August. It should be hot as fucking balls right now. You know how it has been since - oh I don't know - May!
Listen, you and I usually get along, last summer we totally broke up when you had it rain for 21 days straight (21 fucking days!) I have been very happy this summer so we got back togethet, even though I have been sweating like a maniac, you know I love the summer, the sun, the heat everything about it. Who doesn't? - fucktards that's who - who doesn't love being tan, sitting outside for drinks or lunch, wearing shorts, girls is short dresses, shall I go on?
Now I know I could have worn jeans today but why should I have to?? Its August. AUGUST! I refuse to wear jeans in August. Its dresses or shorts (gotta give em leg no? I work hard on them might as well flaunt em) so of course I was shivering all day today. The no sun I could deal with but the fucking monsoon winds? Really? They were like ice cutting through my veins and I no likey.
Not at all. Now I see that it will be like this for the next few days. Don't fuck up my weekend. There are not many summer weekends left and you know I like to tan. Maybe you didn't get laid, or are PMSing. I don't know and frankly I don't care. Get over it, and do your job properly.
Sincerely yours.
me
x
Why the hell was it fucking freezing today? Hmmmm? Hum hello? Maybe you forgot but its August. Not October. August. It should be hot as fucking balls right now. You know how it has been since - oh I don't know - May!
Listen, you and I usually get along, last summer we totally broke up when you had it rain for 21 days straight (21 fucking days!) I have been very happy this summer so we got back togethet, even though I have been sweating like a maniac, you know I love the summer, the sun, the heat everything about it. Who doesn't? - fucktards that's who - who doesn't love being tan, sitting outside for drinks or lunch, wearing shorts, girls is short dresses, shall I go on?
Now I know I could have worn jeans today but why should I have to?? Its August. AUGUST! I refuse to wear jeans in August. Its dresses or shorts (gotta give em leg no? I work hard on them might as well flaunt em) so of course I was shivering all day today. The no sun I could deal with but the fucking monsoon winds? Really? They were like ice cutting through my veins and I no likey.
Not at all. Now I see that it will be like this for the next few days. Don't fuck up my weekend. There are not many summer weekends left and you know I like to tan. Maybe you didn't get laid, or are PMSing. I don't know and frankly I don't care. Get over it, and do your job properly.
Sincerely yours.
me
x
Are people really that stupid?
Now wait, I know the answer to that question - yes, yes they are. But honestly, I think everyone in my building is fucking retarded. 2 examples for your reading pleasure to explain why....
#1 - Recycling. In the incinerator room (or garbage chute room if you prefer) there are two bins for recycling. One for plastic and one for paper. They are clearly marked. Both on the wall and on the actual bins themselves. So why is it when I go to throw out my plastic bottles or paper products there is plastic in the paper bin and paper in the plastic bin? I mean come the fuck on. Its not that fucking hard. Do you not care? Or are you just fucking stupid or maybe you can't read? Now I feel bad that people are retarded for the guys in my building that have to sort through this shit, so I sometimes fix it all but then I realize - what the fuck? I'm not a garbage man! I don't want to touch other peoples garbage! Hell, I don't even want to touch mine. I just don't get how this is so damn hard. Maybe the people doing this are drunk, or are massively hungover - but that is no excuse. We are trying to save the planet here people, do your part and don't aggravate me with your retardation. My aggravation is bad for the planet.
#2 - Laundry room carts. In my laundry room on the 4th floor (UGH the 4th floor I have to drag my laundry through two elevators and the lobby to get it clean. Whatever - I'm used to have it in my house) there is supposed to be 5 carts. These carts enable you to cart your wet clothes from the washer to the dryer. So I ask - WHY THE HELL ARE THEY NEVER THERE??!! There are signs posted not to take the carts. That they are for the laundry room only, that if you are caught you will be fined, blah blah blah. Obviously the signs aren't doing anything, because every time I do laundry (weekly sometimes 2x a week - I like clean clothes) there are no carts. NONE. So if you take a cart are you to lazy to return it? Are you hanging out in your apartment with a laundry cart? Using it as a snack table perhaps? It makes laundry harder for everyone else. Most certainly me. I sure as shit don't want to lug 30 lbs of wet clothes from a washer to a dryer risking dropping my panties on the dirty floor (so that I have to wash them again) because some lazy fuck doesn't have their own bag or hamper or rolly cart to take their clothes back to their apartment.
so maybe though after writing all of this, its not just stupidity, its rudeness. People are rude, they only care about themselves, and that is just really annoying. Especially on a Monday when I encounter both of these examples.
#1 - Recycling. In the incinerator room (or garbage chute room if you prefer) there are two bins for recycling. One for plastic and one for paper. They are clearly marked. Both on the wall and on the actual bins themselves. So why is it when I go to throw out my plastic bottles or paper products there is plastic in the paper bin and paper in the plastic bin? I mean come the fuck on. Its not that fucking hard. Do you not care? Or are you just fucking stupid or maybe you can't read? Now I feel bad that people are retarded for the guys in my building that have to sort through this shit, so I sometimes fix it all but then I realize - what the fuck? I'm not a garbage man! I don't want to touch other peoples garbage! Hell, I don't even want to touch mine. I just don't get how this is so damn hard. Maybe the people doing this are drunk, or are massively hungover - but that is no excuse. We are trying to save the planet here people, do your part and don't aggravate me with your retardation. My aggravation is bad for the planet.
#2 - Laundry room carts. In my laundry room on the 4th floor (UGH the 4th floor I have to drag my laundry through two elevators and the lobby to get it clean. Whatever - I'm used to have it in my house) there is supposed to be 5 carts. These carts enable you to cart your wet clothes from the washer to the dryer. So I ask - WHY THE HELL ARE THEY NEVER THERE??!! There are signs posted not to take the carts. That they are for the laundry room only, that if you are caught you will be fined, blah blah blah. Obviously the signs aren't doing anything, because every time I do laundry (weekly sometimes 2x a week - I like clean clothes) there are no carts. NONE. So if you take a cart are you to lazy to return it? Are you hanging out in your apartment with a laundry cart? Using it as a snack table perhaps? It makes laundry harder for everyone else. Most certainly me. I sure as shit don't want to lug 30 lbs of wet clothes from a washer to a dryer risking dropping my panties on the dirty floor (so that I have to wash them again) because some lazy fuck doesn't have their own bag or hamper or rolly cart to take their clothes back to their apartment.
so maybe though after writing all of this, its not just stupidity, its rudeness. People are rude, they only care about themselves, and that is just really annoying. Especially on a Monday when I encounter both of these examples.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Promotion for a friend
A good friend of mine has a blog of her own - more like a comic strip. Check it out
http://www.ceceliawestgallery.com/
http://www.ceceliawestgallery.com/
I don't like this one bit
So I was out last night with a girlfriend and her friend and of course the conversation starts in the direction of guys and dating (I mean how could it not? It's 3 girls.). They are both on match.com and they are looking through the pictures and yadda, yadda, yadda. I am kinda half paying attention as I am in the process of dirty texting (hey if it ain't dirty it's not worth texting) when my friends friend says something to the affect of:
"I just want to be taken out for dinner and have some nice conversation and then go home. I'm not even going on dates with guys i'm interested in"
I was like "Huh? What do you mean? You're going out on dates with guys you have no intention on being with past one date just to get dinner?"
"Yeah, I want to be taken out for dinner and they pay for it."
"That's fucked up. Seriously. You shouldn't do that, I mean why even bother? Why string them along? Or more importantly why would you want to be on a date with someone you have no romantic interest in?
Again the answer is the same "I want to be taken out for dinner and drinks by a guy."
Now see, I'm not saying how I run through men is right - I do have ADD and like to have fun but I roll with 100% honesty. If I am on a date with a guy within 15 minutes I know if I don't like him and want to continue on with the dating game. I let them know right away. Sometimes if he is cute I'll decide to take him home cause hey - I might not want to go out to dinner with him but he could be really good in bed and who doesn't like a good time? But it is clear to everyone involved what the "relationship" is.
I for damn sure will not let a guy pay for my dinner if I am not into him. I will pay for my half. And if I don't like him that way I certainly don't want to be sitting across from him for the lenght of a dinner!
What really pisses me off with this chicks mentality is that this girl - or type of girl - gives the rest of us a bad name. I have a feeling that there are a lot of girls out there like this that just use a guy or guys to get them to buy them drinks, dinner, take them out, etc with no intention of anything but just using them for everything a boyfriend should do and not reciprocating with what a girlfriend should do.
A guy comes into contact with girls like this and it ruins them on every other girl. So it becomes no drinks, dinner, just trying to get into their beds to use them for sex.
A girl using a guy to take them out is the equivalent to a guy using a girl for sex.
Suffice to say, the statement that she made I didn't like one bit. So that in turn made me not like her. So I proceeded to disagree with everything that came out of her mouth and be as bitchy as I could to her without it being so overtly bitchy and my friend would notice. I of course stayed out as long as socially acceptable and hightailed it out of there as soon as possible.
I can't be around people I don't like, or more importantly the shit that comes out of their mouths.
"I just want to be taken out for dinner and have some nice conversation and then go home. I'm not even going on dates with guys i'm interested in"
I was like "Huh? What do you mean? You're going out on dates with guys you have no intention on being with past one date just to get dinner?"
"Yeah, I want to be taken out for dinner and they pay for it."
"That's fucked up. Seriously. You shouldn't do that, I mean why even bother? Why string them along? Or more importantly why would you want to be on a date with someone you have no romantic interest in?
Again the answer is the same "I want to be taken out for dinner and drinks by a guy."
Now see, I'm not saying how I run through men is right - I do have ADD and like to have fun but I roll with 100% honesty. If I am on a date with a guy within 15 minutes I know if I don't like him and want to continue on with the dating game. I let them know right away. Sometimes if he is cute I'll decide to take him home cause hey - I might not want to go out to dinner with him but he could be really good in bed and who doesn't like a good time? But it is clear to everyone involved what the "relationship" is.
I for damn sure will not let a guy pay for my dinner if I am not into him. I will pay for my half. And if I don't like him that way I certainly don't want to be sitting across from him for the lenght of a dinner!
What really pisses me off with this chicks mentality is that this girl - or type of girl - gives the rest of us a bad name. I have a feeling that there are a lot of girls out there like this that just use a guy or guys to get them to buy them drinks, dinner, take them out, etc with no intention of anything but just using them for everything a boyfriend should do and not reciprocating with what a girlfriend should do.
A guy comes into contact with girls like this and it ruins them on every other girl. So it becomes no drinks, dinner, just trying to get into their beds to use them for sex.
A girl using a guy to take them out is the equivalent to a guy using a girl for sex.
Suffice to say, the statement that she made I didn't like one bit. So that in turn made me not like her. So I proceeded to disagree with everything that came out of her mouth and be as bitchy as I could to her without it being so overtly bitchy and my friend would notice. I of course stayed out as long as socially acceptable and hightailed it out of there as soon as possible.
I can't be around people I don't like, or more importantly the shit that comes out of their mouths.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
I told you there would be atleast one.
And when I say one I mean one post about the people at the bar sitting around me.
Four guys in a hipster douche type like band sit down to my left. I assume they are hipsters with the scruffiness, ironic facial hair, talking about how Depeche mode is fucking techno (I almost threw my laptop at that one's head) fedoras, shall I go on?
Anyway they are all ordering food and the one in a red Mr Rodgers sweater with matching Nike air sneakers (DOUCHE!) places his order as such:
"Can I have the artichoke quesadilla with no cheese and a caeser with balsamic dressing on the side."
Say it with me now. WTF?!
So you basically want an artichoke sandwich with no form of condiment on tortillas instead of bread annnndddddd lettuce and croutons with oil and vinegar.
Oh god that's a pussy right there all right. And to make matters worse he said it with such an air of condecension (it's late don't judge my spelling) that I wanted to vomit so imagine my shock and surprise (I really wasn't I figured it was bound to happen) when he slid up next to me and said:
"How's the writing going?"
"It's fantastic."
"What are you writing?"
"A blog where I rip people new assholes, and right now I am writing about that pussy dinner order you placed."
He has yet to say another word to be since.
On my right is a wanna be jersey shore juice head. Who ordered the same quesadilla with cheese. I turn and look at the TV behind his head and he asks me if I like artichokes (is this a pick up line? I'm confused) I respond no (a total lie I love them) to which he tells me if I did I could share his dinner because he can't eat it all.
I don't touch guidos with a 10 foot pole.
Again I say it, FML
Four guys in a hipster douche type like band sit down to my left. I assume they are hipsters with the scruffiness, ironic facial hair, talking about how Depeche mode is fucking techno (I almost threw my laptop at that one's head) fedoras, shall I go on?
Anyway they are all ordering food and the one in a red Mr Rodgers sweater with matching Nike air sneakers (DOUCHE!) places his order as such:
"Can I have the artichoke quesadilla with no cheese and a caeser with balsamic dressing on the side."
Say it with me now. WTF?!
So you basically want an artichoke sandwich with no form of condiment on tortillas instead of bread annnndddddd lettuce and croutons with oil and vinegar.
Oh god that's a pussy right there all right. And to make matters worse he said it with such an air of condecension (it's late don't judge my spelling) that I wanted to vomit so imagine my shock and surprise (I really wasn't I figured it was bound to happen) when he slid up next to me and said:
"How's the writing going?"
"It's fantastic."
"What are you writing?"
"A blog where I rip people new assholes, and right now I am writing about that pussy dinner order you placed."
He has yet to say another word to be since.
On my right is a wanna be jersey shore juice head. Who ordered the same quesadilla with cheese. I turn and look at the TV behind his head and he asks me if I like artichokes (is this a pick up line? I'm confused) I respond no (a total lie I love them) to which he tells me if I did I could share his dinner because he can't eat it all.
I don't touch guidos with a 10 foot pole.
Again I say it, FML
The airport gods must hate me.
Seriously they must.
I am flying out on the red eye to return home after my west coast vacation and what am I told the moment I check in?
"You know your flight is delayed an hour and a half."
"huh?"
"You do know your flight is delayed an hour and a half?"
"How the fuck would I know that? Jetblue doesn't call me up directly with updates."
"I'm sorry ma'am (ma'am? ma'am?! now she is just fucking toying with me right? No way in hell I look like a fucking ma'am) there are thunderstorms, blabity blah blah (I stopped listening after she called me ma'am) just make sure you are at the gate by 11pm in case it comes in earlier. You are looking at an arrival time of 8:30 NYC time now."
You have got to be fucking kidding me. My plan was to land - on fucking time mind you - get home by 8 nap it up for 2 hours then get to the gym at noon for spin.
Now there will be no nap. And don't even fucking tell me to not go to spin. I haven't spun for a week and I'm about ready to kill myself or someone because of it I have totally gained 5 pounds on this vacation and am not happy about it.
So here I am at the bar (of course no cute bartender to flirt with like at JFK), prepared to blow out a million blog posts while I sip my drink. I am sure most of which (ok atleast one) will be involving the people that plop down at the bar since this is the only one at this airport (actually I don't know if this is entirely true but for damn sure its the first one you see when you come out of security.). Though the whole blogging will eventually turn out to be entertainment for you, I really would have preferred to be at the gate and getting on the plane in a half hour.
FML
I am flying out on the red eye to return home after my west coast vacation and what am I told the moment I check in?
"You know your flight is delayed an hour and a half."
"huh?"
"You do know your flight is delayed an hour and a half?"
"How the fuck would I know that? Jetblue doesn't call me up directly with updates."
"I'm sorry ma'am (ma'am? ma'am?! now she is just fucking toying with me right? No way in hell I look like a fucking ma'am) there are thunderstorms, blabity blah blah (I stopped listening after she called me ma'am) just make sure you are at the gate by 11pm in case it comes in earlier. You are looking at an arrival time of 8:30 NYC time now."
You have got to be fucking kidding me. My plan was to land - on fucking time mind you - get home by 8 nap it up for 2 hours then get to the gym at noon for spin.
Now there will be no nap. And don't even fucking tell me to not go to spin. I haven't spun for a week and I'm about ready to kill myself or someone because of it I have totally gained 5 pounds on this vacation and am not happy about it.
So here I am at the bar (of course no cute bartender to flirt with like at JFK), prepared to blow out a million blog posts while I sip my drink. I am sure most of which (ok atleast one) will be involving the people that plop down at the bar since this is the only one at this airport (actually I don't know if this is entirely true but for damn sure its the first one you see when you come out of security.). Though the whole blogging will eventually turn out to be entertainment for you, I really would have preferred to be at the gate and getting on the plane in a half hour.
FML
Sunday, August 15, 2010
A disclaimer would have been nice.
You know, I honestly feel like people should come with disclaimers. Like a little note safety pinned to them that mentions that one really important piece of information such as (I'm a raging cunt!, Hello Bipolar!, I'm a weak minded individual, Stalker, Horrible kisser!, 7 toes on foot, etc etc.).
You don't agree? Really? Because these said notes would probably really help you out in the end. Such as you meet a guy, bring him home and he has a tiny dick. That'd be a nice disclaimer no? If he'd say - after you invited him back to your place - "I will totally come but I should warn you, I have a tiny dick."
That happened to someone I know. Let me tell you a little story about it shall I?
She met a guy, gave him her number and wound up meeting up with him the next week. The plan was to meet for drinks. About an hour into chatting with him over drinks she realizes that this is not the guy for her - boyfriend wise.
But he's cute and tall so she figures - fuck it - I will have him buy me a few drinks, dinner and then I will take him back to my place maybe he can end up in my rotation.
Side note - rotation just like a pitching rotation where you have about 5 guys that you bang so that you can rotate them on a once a week basis (so you see each once a month) and you don't get sick of them - nor they of you.
They make out a bar and he is a good kisser. And we all know what that makes one assume - if they kiss good they have to be good in bed - at least decent so that you figure you'll at least get off.
This was not one of those situations.
She brings him home, it is getting hot and heavy, he takes off his pants....and its tiny. Two inches hard.
WTF? Now I am sorry, that totally sucks for you guy but a warning is warranted in this situation.
So they do the deed and once done she says "feel free to let yourself out, the door locks automatically behind you."
She woke up the next morning, and he is still there.
"Morning."
"What are you still doing here?"
You would think that would shame him even more and he would bust out. But NOOOOOOO. Fucker took his time. Commenting on the view, how the apartment feels so zen, yadda, yadda, yadda.
She stood at the foot of the bed and said "yea listen you've gotta go, I have shit to do."
Eventually he left. Granted the time it took him to leave was only 10 minutes but it felt like an eternity.
But what the fuck guy? You don't know you have a tiny dick? You know you do. Don't fuck around, you should have gone full disclosure on that shit. Your dick is tiny you know it and most likely you can't do anything with it.
It's a real cock tease (pun intended) to not say anything before you take off your pants.
Little dicked men everywhere listen up - prewarn in advance. You come across me I will tell you to get out of my house with that little tiny tail wagging between your legs.
You don't agree? Really? Because these said notes would probably really help you out in the end. Such as you meet a guy, bring him home and he has a tiny dick. That'd be a nice disclaimer no? If he'd say - after you invited him back to your place - "I will totally come but I should warn you, I have a tiny dick."
That happened to someone I know. Let me tell you a little story about it shall I?
She met a guy, gave him her number and wound up meeting up with him the next week. The plan was to meet for drinks. About an hour into chatting with him over drinks she realizes that this is not the guy for her - boyfriend wise.
But he's cute and tall so she figures - fuck it - I will have him buy me a few drinks, dinner and then I will take him back to my place maybe he can end up in my rotation.
Side note - rotation just like a pitching rotation where you have about 5 guys that you bang so that you can rotate them on a once a week basis (so you see each once a month) and you don't get sick of them - nor they of you.
They make out a bar and he is a good kisser. And we all know what that makes one assume - if they kiss good they have to be good in bed - at least decent so that you figure you'll at least get off.
This was not one of those situations.
She brings him home, it is getting hot and heavy, he takes off his pants....and its tiny. Two inches hard.
WTF? Now I am sorry, that totally sucks for you guy but a warning is warranted in this situation.
So they do the deed and once done she says "feel free to let yourself out, the door locks automatically behind you."
She woke up the next morning, and he is still there.
"Morning."
"What are you still doing here?"
You would think that would shame him even more and he would bust out. But NOOOOOOO. Fucker took his time. Commenting on the view, how the apartment feels so zen, yadda, yadda, yadda.
She stood at the foot of the bed and said "yea listen you've gotta go, I have shit to do."
Eventually he left. Granted the time it took him to leave was only 10 minutes but it felt like an eternity.
But what the fuck guy? You don't know you have a tiny dick? You know you do. Don't fuck around, you should have gone full disclosure on that shit. Your dick is tiny you know it and most likely you can't do anything with it.
It's a real cock tease (pun intended) to not say anything before you take off your pants.
Little dicked men everywhere listen up - prewarn in advance. You come across me I will tell you to get out of my house with that little tiny tail wagging between your legs.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
No title for this post needed.
My boyfriend Ernie (who's a cat BTW) is playing with a ponytail holder causing a ruckus.
My Aunt looks up to see what he is doing.
"He's playing with a ponytail holder." I state
"Oh how I wish I could be so easily entertained."
"You know, I equate men to cats. I just give them a little something to play with for a moment and they are entertained. There is no need for them to think."
That was a nice long laugh we had.
My Aunt looks up to see what he is doing.
"He's playing with a ponytail holder." I state
"Oh how I wish I could be so easily entertained."
"You know, I equate men to cats. I just give them a little something to play with for a moment and they are entertained. There is no need for them to think."
That was a nice long laugh we had.
This is what ensues
While one is drinking a bottle of wine on their own and the other is drinking a bottle of soco.
The other night my Aunt and I were watching the two most recent episodes of the Jersey Shore. Yes it was a Friday night, however we just spent two diabolical days of drinking in Paso and we were waiting for my cousin to come in from Reno so we decided to have a chill night.
As we are watching I mention that I kinda have a crush on Paulie D. What ensued became a discussion of epic proportions.
We wound up discussing over a cigarette during a commercial break if that if we fall into apocalyptic times, and we have to continue on man kind who of the Jersey Shore cast we would procreate with.
"Paulie D hands down."
"No the situation."
"No, he's ugly! he looks like Elmer Fudd."
"Yea but he's got a good body -"
"Butter Face! Butter Face!"
"Yea but the body and you don't have to look at the face."
"He's what we call a 3 bagger - two bags on his head (in case one comes off you have a backup) and one on yours in case both of his come off."
"No there are ways around that no bags..."
"What then from behind? where you say things like "no no don't try to pull my hair to turn my head around, I don't need to see you when I cum."
"hahahahahahahah but seriously he would be good during the end of the world times, he could get things done take control and he would protect his family."
"What! no way, he wouldn't know what to do, he fakes it, and he's probably bad in bed, do you really want to deal with that for the rest of you life?"
"Yea but Pauly D has a thick neck. And his hair"
"He does not have a thick neck, and remember during these times there would be no hair gel."
She concedes to the hair gel but won't stop on the whole "thick neck" issue.
We have totally kicked Vinnny and Ronnie out of this discussion. Vinny is a child and Ronnie is a dick (I mean come on! three way kissing girls and then climbing into Sammie's bed after he called her a cunt?) who is on steroids. We have our limits.
We then go back to the show and then start keeping score as things happen on each of the guys so that we can try to get the other to see our point of view.
"Yea, his neck isn't that big. But his eyebrows."
"That's cuz he gets them waxed. There would be none of that in the aftermath of the apocalypse."
"True."
Pauly then gets slapped by Angelina and takes it like a man. My aunt admits this, point for Pauly D. She at this point starts wavering. The next episode starts at the continuation of above mentioned slap. Angelina apologizes, and again Pauly speaks to her like a grown man - not a Jersey douche - explaining he can accept her apology, they can be cool but in affect they are not friends. My Aunt likes this.
I see her coming over to my way of thinking.
We continue on watching, and of course through all the drama on the show, they always pan to "The Situation" and even I will admit he gives a good dramatic face.
"See! See look at those faces! He knows whats up!"
"He just causes drama, that's what he does! When push comes to shove he is not going to back you up! He has no loyalty whatsoever! All he cares about himself."
I then realize Paulie has some really stupid tattoos. I can't tolerate that and start wavering....then they pan to "The Situation" and I quickly revert back to my original choice.
The argument goes on an on - seriously like two hours - becoming this vicious circle. So my Aunt comes up with a solution. We agree to let my cousin decide this for us because she is a breeder (4 kids) and would of course choose the better man.
She walks in the door and we ask her the question - who would you choose? The answer comes in a millisecond - Paulie D. She doesn't even blink.
I win.
The other night my Aunt and I were watching the two most recent episodes of the Jersey Shore. Yes it was a Friday night, however we just spent two diabolical days of drinking in Paso and we were waiting for my cousin to come in from Reno so we decided to have a chill night.
As we are watching I mention that I kinda have a crush on Paulie D. What ensued became a discussion of epic proportions.
We wound up discussing over a cigarette during a commercial break if that if we fall into apocalyptic times, and we have to continue on man kind who of the Jersey Shore cast we would procreate with.
"Paulie D hands down."
"No the situation."
"No, he's ugly! he looks like Elmer Fudd."
"Yea but he's got a good body -"
"Butter Face! Butter Face!"
"Yea but the body and you don't have to look at the face."
"He's what we call a 3 bagger - two bags on his head (in case one comes off you have a backup) and one on yours in case both of his come off."
"No there are ways around that no bags..."
"What then from behind? where you say things like "no no don't try to pull my hair to turn my head around, I don't need to see you when I cum."
"hahahahahahahah but seriously he would be good during the end of the world times, he could get things done take control and he would protect his family."
"What! no way, he wouldn't know what to do, he fakes it, and he's probably bad in bed, do you really want to deal with that for the rest of you life?"
"Yea but Pauly D has a thick neck. And his hair"
"He does not have a thick neck, and remember during these times there would be no hair gel."
She concedes to the hair gel but won't stop on the whole "thick neck" issue.
We have totally kicked Vinnny and Ronnie out of this discussion. Vinny is a child and Ronnie is a dick (I mean come on! three way kissing girls and then climbing into Sammie's bed after he called her a cunt?) who is on steroids. We have our limits.
We then go back to the show and then start keeping score as things happen on each of the guys so that we can try to get the other to see our point of view.
"Yea, his neck isn't that big. But his eyebrows."
"That's cuz he gets them waxed. There would be none of that in the aftermath of the apocalypse."
"True."
Pauly then gets slapped by Angelina and takes it like a man. My aunt admits this, point for Pauly D. She at this point starts wavering. The next episode starts at the continuation of above mentioned slap. Angelina apologizes, and again Pauly speaks to her like a grown man - not a Jersey douche - explaining he can accept her apology, they can be cool but in affect they are not friends. My Aunt likes this.
I see her coming over to my way of thinking.
We continue on watching, and of course through all the drama on the show, they always pan to "The Situation" and even I will admit he gives a good dramatic face.
"See! See look at those faces! He knows whats up!"
"He just causes drama, that's what he does! When push comes to shove he is not going to back you up! He has no loyalty whatsoever! All he cares about himself."
I then realize Paulie has some really stupid tattoos. I can't tolerate that and start wavering....then they pan to "The Situation" and I quickly revert back to my original choice.
The argument goes on an on - seriously like two hours - becoming this vicious circle. So my Aunt comes up with a solution. We agree to let my cousin decide this for us because she is a breeder (4 kids) and would of course choose the better man.
She walks in the door and we ask her the question - who would you choose? The answer comes in a millisecond - Paulie D. She doesn't even blink.
I win.
Friday, August 13, 2010
What happens in Paso Robles
Stays in Paso Robles.
Except for the story about Coldstone.
You've heard of Coldstone right? The ice cream store that lets you put all these wacky (well not wacky but really really good like snickers...mmmmmm) topping on your cone, cup or even cake?
Well what do genius drunk adults do when the states largest candy store is closed and they have a massive hankering for candy?
You guessed it, stroll up into Coldstone for toppings only.
They were a little flabbergasted to say the least when my Aunt first strutted in asking if they would just sell her toppings. Everyone else was freezing outside (yes freezing - which is very shocking since I am in fucking California) so I say "forget it lets just go." from the door to which she responded "no they're gonna do it!"
I of course am now all in. I come running in, take an overview in about 2 seconds of the selection and immediately say:
"Ok, were gonna want snickers, peanut M&M's, swedish fish, kit kats..ooh what else..."
We settled on 8 snickers, 8 mini brownies, half a cup filled with gummy bears (they had no swedish fish - WTF?) which my Aunt proceeded to try and eat all the red ones, the other half of same said cup filled with peanut M&Ms, 2 peppermint patties and four kit kats.
They had no idea what to charge us. So I threw down a $20 and said, "Figure it out and then keep the rest in tips." You know they only registered all that for $2 and were pocketing the rest.
I don't care, I just wanted candy at that moment. And you know how much I ate? One snickers and a few red gummy bears...gotta save room for demon alcohol no?
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Three strikes and your out!
I need to find a new gym.
It's a 3 strikes and your out policy. And when I say strikes I mean bugs.
Today I decide to go to spin at noon to get my last spin in for the next week (seriously just writing that makes me want to cry) get changed then start walking out.
A women had came in after me and and as I am walking out says to me : "You're not going to leave me here with that are you?"
"What? What the hell are you talking about?"
"That right there. That bug."
"uhhhhhh....I can't deal with that. At all."
"Ok don't worry about it, you can go enjoy your work out I'll get someone to kill it."
"No it's ok, you go get someone and I will watch it."
"Are you sure?"
"Not really....but I can't leave you with that...that...what is it???
"A roach."
"Oh god...hurry up."
She runs out gets someone to kill it.....
All the while I am standing staring at this roach (oh good god! GAHHHHH!) waiting for her to come back...it feels like and eternity....)
A guy then FINALLY! comes in to kill it. The fucking thing never moved....
He comes in says "it's ok to come in?"
"YES YES!" I respond. He walks in with other lady behind him. And she whispers "did it move?" I respond; "no."
"I think its dead."
Guy swiftly stomps it with his foot and sweeps it into his dust bucket. She asks "Was it dead?"
He responds "yes, but be glad it was, it flies...."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW? YES I AM WRITING IN ALL CAPS! FIRST A ROACH, THEN A HORNET, NOW A FLYING FUCKING ROACH!!!??????"
FUCK THIS SHIT, I'M SWITCHING GYMS. I CAN'T TAKE BUGS....
It's a 3 strikes and your out policy. And when I say strikes I mean bugs.
Today I decide to go to spin at noon to get my last spin in for the next week (seriously just writing that makes me want to cry) get changed then start walking out.
A women had came in after me and and as I am walking out says to me : "You're not going to leave me here with that are you?"
"What? What the hell are you talking about?"
"That right there. That bug."
"uhhhhhh....I can't deal with that. At all."
"Ok don't worry about it, you can go enjoy your work out I'll get someone to kill it."
"No it's ok, you go get someone and I will watch it."
"Are you sure?"
"Not really....but I can't leave you with that...that...what is it???
"A roach."
"Oh god...hurry up."
She runs out gets someone to kill it.....
All the while I am standing staring at this roach (oh good god! GAHHHHH!) waiting for her to come back...it feels like and eternity....)
A guy then FINALLY! comes in to kill it. The fucking thing never moved....
He comes in says "it's ok to come in?"
"YES YES!" I respond. He walks in with other lady behind him. And she whispers "did it move?" I respond; "no."
"I think its dead."
Guy swiftly stomps it with his foot and sweeps it into his dust bucket. She asks "Was it dead?"
He responds "yes, but be glad it was, it flies...."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW? YES I AM WRITING IN ALL CAPS! FIRST A ROACH, THEN A HORNET, NOW A FLYING FUCKING ROACH!!!??????"
FUCK THIS SHIT, I'M SWITCHING GYMS. I CAN'T TAKE BUGS....
Are they indeed always right? (Part two)
No. They are not.
What time is it? Oh yes 4:11 and where am I? Sitting at a bar in the airport.
Hmm mmmm. That's right. I win.
I got picked up at 3:00. Of course I was running a few minutes behind - I just couldn't fathom wearing a long sleeve shirt so I had a last minute costume change and threw the long sleeved T-shirt in my carry on (my Balenciaga weekender to be exact - yea I'm dropping the name but don't worry I'm rocking my cons (converse) shorts and a ratty T-shirt a total polar opposite to the bag) and ran out of the house.
Oof my suitcase is heavy (remember that)
Hop in the car and the driver proceeds to take the best way to get to JFK from Manhattan. Should I tell you? hmmmm...I dunno...do I want all of you (ha! the 15 of you reading this right?) going my way? Huff fine. Take the BK bridge, and then Atlantic avenue alllll the way down to So. Conduit which leads you directly to JFK.
I got out of the car at 3:45.
I proceed to go to the curbside check-in at the end. She was right about that it was totally empty.
The check iner (I don't know what you call them - ooh I know sky cap!) - I mean sky cap says (in a monotone drone cause he is totally over it, to which I know to lay the blonde cuteness on thick) "It's $2 a bag tips are not necessary, but nice to do." I drop down $7 (and that's all mom right there, she said and I quote [to some affect] "they charge $2 a bag but I give $7 so a $5 tip. You have to give a tip and $5 is a good one.") he takes my money and then asks to bring my bag over to the other side onto the weight scale.
He grabs my bag and grimaces. I say (again total blonde cuteness here) "What? It's heavy I know, but I'm going away for a week! A week!"
To which he smiles and says "A week huh?"
"Yes! And a girl needs options right? I mean I always overpack but still!"
He chuckles and my cute blonde stupidity and says "OK its 54 lbs." I stare blankly. "Just be careful about that." "Oh wait its over? I'll pay additional if I have to." "No no its ok just be aware some one else might charge you."
"Someone mean right? Ok well thanks soooo much! Have a great day!"
He just laughed and shook his head. But I stood there off to the side smoking cigarette (God damn it I could go for one right now - why can't they have a smoking section in an airport when they make you get here so early??) and watched the next person come over to him.
He totally charged them extra for their heavy bag. Kill 'em with kindness my mom always says....hmmm she's right about that too.
So after this little exchange I go inside to security. There is NO ONE THERE. Let me repeat, THERE IS NO ONE THERE. I breeze through security in literally 5 minutes. The quickest I have ever gotten through security.
Hit the bathroom and at 4:11 started this post. So I win. Now I am sitting at the bar eating a salad drinking my drink and bullshitting with the bartender and wait staff (that's a story for another time) Sorry it took me a long to write this I was eating, drinking and bullshitting.
What time is it? Oh yes 4:11 and where am I? Sitting at a bar in the airport.
Hmm mmmm. That's right. I win.
I got picked up at 3:00. Of course I was running a few minutes behind - I just couldn't fathom wearing a long sleeve shirt so I had a last minute costume change and threw the long sleeved T-shirt in my carry on (my Balenciaga weekender to be exact - yea I'm dropping the name but don't worry I'm rocking my cons (converse) shorts and a ratty T-shirt a total polar opposite to the bag) and ran out of the house.
Oof my suitcase is heavy (remember that)
Hop in the car and the driver proceeds to take the best way to get to JFK from Manhattan. Should I tell you? hmmmm...I dunno...do I want all of you (ha! the 15 of you reading this right?) going my way? Huff fine. Take the BK bridge, and then Atlantic avenue alllll the way down to So. Conduit which leads you directly to JFK.
I got out of the car at 3:45.
I proceed to go to the curbside check-in at the end. She was right about that it was totally empty.
The check iner (I don't know what you call them - ooh I know sky cap!) - I mean sky cap says (in a monotone drone cause he is totally over it, to which I know to lay the blonde cuteness on thick) "It's $2 a bag tips are not necessary, but nice to do." I drop down $7 (and that's all mom right there, she said and I quote [to some affect] "they charge $2 a bag but I give $7 so a $5 tip. You have to give a tip and $5 is a good one.") he takes my money and then asks to bring my bag over to the other side onto the weight scale.
He grabs my bag and grimaces. I say (again total blonde cuteness here) "What? It's heavy I know, but I'm going away for a week! A week!"
To which he smiles and says "A week huh?"
"Yes! And a girl needs options right? I mean I always overpack but still!"
He chuckles and my cute blonde stupidity and says "OK its 54 lbs." I stare blankly. "Just be careful about that." "Oh wait its over? I'll pay additional if I have to." "No no its ok just be aware some one else might charge you."
"Someone mean right? Ok well thanks soooo much! Have a great day!"
He just laughed and shook his head. But I stood there off to the side smoking cigarette (God damn it I could go for one right now - why can't they have a smoking section in an airport when they make you get here so early??) and watched the next person come over to him.
He totally charged them extra for their heavy bag. Kill 'em with kindness my mom always says....hmmm she's right about that too.
So after this little exchange I go inside to security. There is NO ONE THERE. Let me repeat, THERE IS NO ONE THERE. I breeze through security in literally 5 minutes. The quickest I have ever gotten through security.
Hit the bathroom and at 4:11 started this post. So I win. Now I am sitting at the bar eating a salad drinking my drink and bullshitting with the bartender and wait staff (that's a story for another time) Sorry it took me a long to write this I was eating, drinking and bullshitting.
Are they indeed always right? (Part one)
You know how mothers know everything? Not just your mom but every (well most every) woman that is a mom knows everything?
Any random question you have they have an answer to. You start not feeling well you don't go to the doctor you call you mother. She then proceeds to tell you exactly what to you and you start feeling better automatically. You ask the question, "how long does it take a broken heart to mend?" The immediate answer - that we all know now - is "take the length of your relationship cut it in half and that's how long."
Its like there is a secret mother society that you are brought into the moment you conceive and start to get the answers to every possible situation in life. I mean face it - mom's have seen some whack ass shit raising us.
But when they tell you to do something, something they feel is very beneficial to your life, you wave it off most of the time and think "what does she know?"
That's what this is about.
My mother calls me today and tells me when she flew out to the west coast yesterday it was so packed at the airport that it took her a good 45 minutes to get to security. That she barely had time to get food, have a drink and get on the plane.
Now I hate rushing through the airport. I like to have ample time to not get all flustered and freaked out that I won't make my flight.
I planned to leave at 3:30 for a 6pm flight out of JFK. She starts saying there could be traffic, you want to get food, have a drink not rush around, and I 'm telling you it was packed yesterday and you know it will be worse today after that whole jet blue incident yesterday.
She proceeds to tell me go the the curbside check - allllll the way at the end, that there is no one there and then walk alllllll the way back to the opposite security line. Then yammers on about a smoothie place that has grapes and cheese and a great little tiny package of lemon parmesan ziti which I should grab for the flight ("cause they give you no food at all") as well as suggests to get a smart water ("it has electrolytes")
By the end of this convo she concludes I should leave at 3. I say ok, but maybe it was so crowded because it was Monday. Maybe I have a point there I don't know she admits nothing.
So I am leaving at 3pm. Because you know what will happen, I leave at 3:30 there will be traffic, a security shut down and I will have no time to even think about food or water because my flight will be boarding and I will be the last person on the plane before they shut the door.
But I'm betting if I leave at 3 I will be at the airport at 4 there will be no on there so It will be 4:30 and I will have 1 - 1/2 hours to kill before my flight. There is one thing I hate worse than rushing - it's called waiting. I don't wait patiently.
So place your bets. and you decide what you think will happen. I will update you accordingly.
And yes, I love my mom.
Any random question you have they have an answer to. You start not feeling well you don't go to the doctor you call you mother. She then proceeds to tell you exactly what to you and you start feeling better automatically. You ask the question, "how long does it take a broken heart to mend?" The immediate answer - that we all know now - is "take the length of your relationship cut it in half and that's how long."
Its like there is a secret mother society that you are brought into the moment you conceive and start to get the answers to every possible situation in life. I mean face it - mom's have seen some whack ass shit raising us.
But when they tell you to do something, something they feel is very beneficial to your life, you wave it off most of the time and think "what does she know?"
That's what this is about.
My mother calls me today and tells me when she flew out to the west coast yesterday it was so packed at the airport that it took her a good 45 minutes to get to security. That she barely had time to get food, have a drink and get on the plane.
Now I hate rushing through the airport. I like to have ample time to not get all flustered and freaked out that I won't make my flight.
I planned to leave at 3:30 for a 6pm flight out of JFK. She starts saying there could be traffic, you want to get food, have a drink not rush around, and I 'm telling you it was packed yesterday and you know it will be worse today after that whole jet blue incident yesterday.
She proceeds to tell me go the the curbside check - allllll the way at the end, that there is no one there and then walk alllllll the way back to the opposite security line. Then yammers on about a smoothie place that has grapes and cheese and a great little tiny package of lemon parmesan ziti which I should grab for the flight ("cause they give you no food at all") as well as suggests to get a smart water ("it has electrolytes")
By the end of this convo she concludes I should leave at 3. I say ok, but maybe it was so crowded because it was Monday. Maybe I have a point there I don't know she admits nothing.
So I am leaving at 3pm. Because you know what will happen, I leave at 3:30 there will be traffic, a security shut down and I will have no time to even think about food or water because my flight will be boarding and I will be the last person on the plane before they shut the door.
But I'm betting if I leave at 3 I will be at the airport at 4 there will be no on there so It will be 4:30 and I will have 1 - 1/2 hours to kill before my flight. There is one thing I hate worse than rushing - it's called waiting. I don't wait patiently.
So place your bets. and you decide what you think will happen. I will update you accordingly.
And yes, I love my mom.
Sooooo..
I was just informed that yes I was a loser for leaving early Saturday night. By someone mind you that left a half hour after me.
Whatever I made spin the next day and all the people that love how this ass looks I'm sure are very appreciative of that fact.
pfft.
Whatever I made spin the next day and all the people that love how this ass looks I'm sure are very appreciative of that fact.
pfft.
I really dislike packing
I really truly do.
For me, I really need access to all of my clothes and shoes on a daily basis to figure out what to wear. I dress by mood each and every day.
So now I need to figure out what I am going to wear for the next week. A FULL WEEK! And I need to have options. I can't just pack 7 outfits. That's just ridiculous. So I over pack. Always. I try to be able to get every single piece of clothing from my closet into my suitcase. Which of course is not possible.
Now for this trip I ran into another issue. Where I'm going its colder. Like overcast and high 65. So I have to bring warm clothes. And I don't want to, I'm in summer mode not fall mode. All my warmer clothes are so last season and I don't even like them anymore and I am forced to pack them. Hell I don't even know if my jeans fit anymore with all the spinning I am doing.
This of course makes me start freaking out about what my fall wardrobe is going to be since fall is right around the corner and I need to start fall shopping. Trust that it took all my power to not stop packing and run out of the house to go shopping. But we all really need to start thinking about fall, you know what will happen, it will be hot hot hot and then all of a sudden one day it will turn and we will all run out on the same weekend to shop and it will be hell on earth.
Geesh, now I am starting to bum myself out thinking about fall.
Don't think I didn't pack dresses and shorts, I'll freeze my cute little ass off before I wear jeans in August.
For me, I really need access to all of my clothes and shoes on a daily basis to figure out what to wear. I dress by mood each and every day.
So now I need to figure out what I am going to wear for the next week. A FULL WEEK! And I need to have options. I can't just pack 7 outfits. That's just ridiculous. So I over pack. Always. I try to be able to get every single piece of clothing from my closet into my suitcase. Which of course is not possible.
Now for this trip I ran into another issue. Where I'm going its colder. Like overcast and high 65. So I have to bring warm clothes. And I don't want to, I'm in summer mode not fall mode. All my warmer clothes are so last season and I don't even like them anymore and I am forced to pack them. Hell I don't even know if my jeans fit anymore with all the spinning I am doing.
This of course makes me start freaking out about what my fall wardrobe is going to be since fall is right around the corner and I need to start fall shopping. Trust that it took all my power to not stop packing and run out of the house to go shopping. But we all really need to start thinking about fall, you know what will happen, it will be hot hot hot and then all of a sudden one day it will turn and we will all run out on the same weekend to shop and it will be hell on earth.
Geesh, now I am starting to bum myself out thinking about fall.
Don't think I didn't pack dresses and shorts, I'll freeze my cute little ass off before I wear jeans in August.
Bon Vacation!
Farewell New York!
I leave for my vacation tonight to cause trouble on the west coast. You can now rest easy for the next week.
Don't worry though I will be up to my old tricks in exactly 7 days.
toodles!
I leave for my vacation tonight to cause trouble on the west coast. You can now rest easy for the next week.
Don't worry though I will be up to my old tricks in exactly 7 days.
toodles!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Has everyone gone bonkers?
So I get onto the elevator on a successful day (more on that later) and some guy gets on after me.
All of a sudden he says "sorry" I respond "huh?" To which he replies "I yawned"
ummmm ok? I didn't even know he yawned. I don't pay attention to strangers - unless its a cute guy or someone wearing something hideous - I am in my own little world.
"Ummm no reason to be sorry."
"Well there's no reason to be rude."
"Excuse me? Rude? You telling me I'm rude is rude, there is no reason to apologize for yawning, A yawn I didn't even hear."
Now I'm trying to be calm here as you will notice I didn't use any curses in my statement as there is no one else in the elevator and I can't believe i'm getting into my second verbal altercation with a guy in two days but rude? Is he fucking kidding me??
He the proceeds to respond as such as the doors are opening to his floor which then close so that we can continue on this ride to my floor; "I'm just trying to be polite, apologizing for my yawning, there is no for you to act like you are better than my apology, or to be rude because I am apologizing! I just --
"Let me stop you right there my friend. I am going to tell you something I told another asshole yesterday. You say another word I will cut out your tongue. I was not being rude. But you are certainly in need of medication. I told you there was no reason to be sorry because there is no reason to be sorry for yawning unless someone of authority is speaking to you. But you know what fine. Apology accepted."
Thankfully the doors to my floor open as soon as I say this. And I walk off.
Has everyone gone insane? Was I being rude? I wasn't I will fully admit when I am being rude which is 90% of the time with people that are not my friends and family. There is not a reason in the world for this kid to go off on me (he was borderline yelling at me) because he yawned and I told him there was no reason to apologize.
My friend (don't worry Mr. Lawyer I won't mention his name) said that all the planets are aligning into the cardinal cross (which is weirdly a square?) and that is making people a little off kilter.
I dunno. I think he needs to get laid, or maybe he just broke up with his girlfriend. I don't really care there is no reason for him to be a dick.
Only in New York kids. Only in New York.
All of a sudden he says "sorry" I respond "huh?" To which he replies "I yawned"
ummmm ok? I didn't even know he yawned. I don't pay attention to strangers - unless its a cute guy or someone wearing something hideous - I am in my own little world.
"Ummm no reason to be sorry."
"Well there's no reason to be rude."
"Excuse me? Rude? You telling me I'm rude is rude, there is no reason to apologize for yawning, A yawn I didn't even hear."
Now I'm trying to be calm here as you will notice I didn't use any curses in my statement as there is no one else in the elevator and I can't believe i'm getting into my second verbal altercation with a guy in two days but rude? Is he fucking kidding me??
He the proceeds to respond as such as the doors are opening to his floor which then close so that we can continue on this ride to my floor; "I'm just trying to be polite, apologizing for my yawning, there is no for you to act like you are better than my apology, or to be rude because I am apologizing! I just --
"Let me stop you right there my friend. I am going to tell you something I told another asshole yesterday. You say another word I will cut out your tongue. I was not being rude. But you are certainly in need of medication. I told you there was no reason to be sorry because there is no reason to be sorry for yawning unless someone of authority is speaking to you. But you know what fine. Apology accepted."
Thankfully the doors to my floor open as soon as I say this. And I walk off.
Has everyone gone insane? Was I being rude? I wasn't I will fully admit when I am being rude which is 90% of the time with people that are not my friends and family. There is not a reason in the world for this kid to go off on me (he was borderline yelling at me) because he yawned and I told him there was no reason to apologize.
My friend (don't worry Mr. Lawyer I won't mention his name) said that all the planets are aligning into the cardinal cross (which is weirdly a square?) and that is making people a little off kilter.
I dunno. I think he needs to get laid, or maybe he just broke up with his girlfriend. I don't really care there is no reason for him to be a dick.
Only in New York kids. Only in New York.
Am I a loser?
For leaving a party at 11:30 ish to come home and watch TV and blog?
Maybe in your opinion, but not mine. It's the smartest decision I have made in a while.
I want to go to spin at 10am tomorrow. That means that I need to leave my house at 9:15 which in affect means I need to get up at 7 I(I like to putz around.).
So no I'm not a fucking loser. If I stayed I would have just gotten wasted and would be out till 4am. Jesus just thinking about that makes me sick . I have shit to do tomorrow.
So fuck that - I'm a loser - I don't give a shit.
I rather be blogging than getting wasted and feeling like crap tomorrow.
I have a goal - 10am spin - and that's all that matters.
Maybe in your opinion, but not mine. It's the smartest decision I have made in a while.
I want to go to spin at 10am tomorrow. That means that I need to leave my house at 9:15 which in affect means I need to get up at 7 I(I like to putz around.).
So no I'm not a fucking loser. If I stayed I would have just gotten wasted and would be out till 4am. Jesus just thinking about that makes me sick . I have shit to do tomorrow.
So fuck that - I'm a loser - I don't give a shit.
I rather be blogging than getting wasted and feeling like crap tomorrow.
I have a goal - 10am spin - and that's all that matters.
Sooooo..
I have been instructed by my lawyer - I don't really have a lawyer on retainer, I'm not that important, he is a friend - to not name names (Seinfeld reference!) on this blog.
It would apparently just fuck us all - well mainly me - in the end. That is just a dramatic summary to the conversation by the way. I don't feel like going all verbatim right now.
So no more names. Huff fine. No more names Mr. Lawyer, I will just come up with secret code names for everyone.
Let me just say this, Mr Lawyer is the person you want to sit next to at a party. The one liners are fucking genius.
It would apparently just fuck us all - well mainly me - in the end. That is just a dramatic summary to the conversation by the way. I don't feel like going all verbatim right now.
So no more names. Huff fine. No more names Mr. Lawyer, I will just come up with secret code names for everyone.
Let me just say this, Mr Lawyer is the person you want to sit next to at a party. The one liners are fucking genius.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
I don't ever want that in my mouth again.
That's what she said. hahahahahahaha
No, wait, it's not a post like that. At all. I promise.
This morning I didn't want to eat anything what I really wanted was an Odwalla vanilla protein drink. The Duane Reade on the corner doesn't carry that so I think OK I will get a Go Naked drink. It was a protein drink was white so I thought "OK - I'll try it how bad can it be? It should be the same no?"
NO. Capital N - O. I took a sip and the moment the chalky sweet milky like liquid hit my taste buds I immediately wanted to throw up. It was horrible, disgusting. I rather eat a steak than drink that liquid shit ever again.
I once had to drink barium sulfate for an Upper GI and that tasted better.
But I thought, maybe I'm a little hungover - i mean I didn't feel hungover, but maybe my taste buds were off so I threw it in the fridge, went out did a bunch of errands and went to work then came back hours later. I decided let me give it another chance.
Good thing I was standing over the sink because I spit it immediately out the moment it hit my tongue.
Oh god I don't know how anyone could drink that. It was vile.
I don't ever want that in my mouth again.
No, wait, it's not a post like that. At all. I promise.
This morning I didn't want to eat anything what I really wanted was an Odwalla vanilla protein drink. The Duane Reade on the corner doesn't carry that so I think OK I will get a Go Naked drink. It was a protein drink was white so I thought "OK - I'll try it how bad can it be? It should be the same no?"
NO. Capital N - O. I took a sip and the moment the chalky sweet milky like liquid hit my taste buds I immediately wanted to throw up. It was horrible, disgusting. I rather eat a steak than drink that liquid shit ever again.
I once had to drink barium sulfate for an Upper GI and that tasted better.
But I thought, maybe I'm a little hungover - i mean I didn't feel hungover, but maybe my taste buds were off so I threw it in the fridge, went out did a bunch of errands and went to work then came back hours later. I decided let me give it another chance.
Good thing I was standing over the sink because I spit it immediately out the moment it hit my tongue.
Oh god I don't know how anyone could drink that. It was vile.
I don't ever want that in my mouth again.
It's kinda sad
When the weekend security guard in your office building sees you often enough that you don't have to show your building pass.
Whatevs I might be at work now, but I got everything I needed done and I am hitting the gym and then going to party on my friends gorgeous roof later tonight.
Whatevs I might be at work now, but I got everything I needed done and I am hitting the gym and then going to party on my friends gorgeous roof later tonight.
Is it that hard?
To walk on the right side when walking in and out of train stations? Or through the train station? Or for that matter on the street?
I gotta tell ya I'm getting really fed up with people not follow these rules. WALK ON THE RIGHT SIDE. Its like driving. Just like driving.
Oh I'm sorry there is an old lady walking up the steps slowly. That's her perogative (total misspell right there.). And you need to wait. What you think 30 seconds is going to make a difference to where your going? Because I tell you what will - me walking on the right side of the steps and slamming into you with all my might knocking you down or bonking you with my bag. I may be little but I pack a punch.
I don't want to be bopping and weaving through people coming towards me (who are on the wrong side!) while I am trying to catch my train. Its bad enough I have to maneuver through the slow pokes taking a tour and stopping to look at every fricking crack in the sidewalk (seriously is it just a tourist thing? just suddenly stopping in the middle of the sidewalk to look at a fire hydrant? or a piece of trash?) or stand around circling aimlessly in the middle of a walkway figuring out where to go (just ask somebody damnit!) I can not then have to maneuver around you!
There are signs that say it stay on the right side. Is it that hard to do?
geez.
I gotta tell ya I'm getting really fed up with people not follow these rules. WALK ON THE RIGHT SIDE. Its like driving. Just like driving.
Oh I'm sorry there is an old lady walking up the steps slowly. That's her perogative (total misspell right there.). And you need to wait. What you think 30 seconds is going to make a difference to where your going? Because I tell you what will - me walking on the right side of the steps and slamming into you with all my might knocking you down or bonking you with my bag. I may be little but I pack a punch.
I don't want to be bopping and weaving through people coming towards me (who are on the wrong side!) while I am trying to catch my train. Its bad enough I have to maneuver through the slow pokes taking a tour and stopping to look at every fricking crack in the sidewalk (seriously is it just a tourist thing? just suddenly stopping in the middle of the sidewalk to look at a fire hydrant? or a piece of trash?) or stand around circling aimlessly in the middle of a walkway figuring out where to go (just ask somebody damnit!) I can not then have to maneuver around you!
There are signs that say it stay on the right side. Is it that hard to do?
geez.
I couldn't make this shit up even if I tried.
Sigh. Why does this always happen to me?
I was stepping onto the train today and some guy says hello to me - a fat ugly guy to be exact - I rudely ignore him and sit down. Mother fucker then has the balls to sit down next to me and seductively say "you know that's technically not a shirt your wearing."
WTF?
Side note, I am wearing a fucking shirt. A loose tank top that has big open arm holes. So yes you see some side of skin and bra and I usually do wear a tank top underneath but its hot as balls out and well I don't give a fuck. I'm covered.
I respond "well technically your a fat fuck who has no business talking to me. Say another word and I will cut out your tongue."
Granted my response took this little exchange to the next level. But I was right - he had no business talking to me. And I had to shut this shit down completely. I'm not saying I'm gorgeous but I definitely can do better than some fat ugly balding nerdy guy. I can and I do thank you very much. It just really annoys me that some people think its ok to just come up and talk to you out of no where. No - what really annoyed me was that this fuck thought for some reason I might have giggled and flirted back. Even if it he was hot that is some random, lamo BS to say to a girl and I would have probably just rolled my eyes and said "that's nice."
Now after I slammed him with my witty come back I new there could have been trouble. He wasn't happy but what ensued probably saved me from getting slapped. Every single person on the train started hysterical laughing. Which caused him to get up an sulk away.
Listen up people! Don't try to catch a fish that is way out of your league It's never going to happen unless you have lots of money, then all you catch is a gold digging whore with herpes.
I was stepping onto the train today and some guy says hello to me - a fat ugly guy to be exact - I rudely ignore him and sit down. Mother fucker then has the balls to sit down next to me and seductively say "you know that's technically not a shirt your wearing."
WTF?
Side note, I am wearing a fucking shirt. A loose tank top that has big open arm holes. So yes you see some side of skin and bra and I usually do wear a tank top underneath but its hot as balls out and well I don't give a fuck. I'm covered.
I respond "well technically your a fat fuck who has no business talking to me. Say another word and I will cut out your tongue."
Granted my response took this little exchange to the next level. But I was right - he had no business talking to me. And I had to shut this shit down completely. I'm not saying I'm gorgeous but I definitely can do better than some fat ugly balding nerdy guy. I can and I do thank you very much. It just really annoys me that some people think its ok to just come up and talk to you out of no where. No - what really annoyed me was that this fuck thought for some reason I might have giggled and flirted back. Even if it he was hot that is some random, lamo BS to say to a girl and I would have probably just rolled my eyes and said "that's nice."
Now after I slammed him with my witty come back I new there could have been trouble. He wasn't happy but what ensued probably saved me from getting slapped. Every single person on the train started hysterical laughing. Which caused him to get up an sulk away.
Listen up people! Don't try to catch a fish that is way out of your league It's never going to happen unless you have lots of money, then all you catch is a gold digging whore with herpes.
ewwwww.
This just freaks me out.
Standing on the corner yesterday afternoon with my friend waiting for another who was taking care of business in the bank and there was this guy standing behind us off to the side taking pictures with his crackberry. I think ok you're taking pictures of gourmet garage - weird but whatev. Little did I know he was taking pictures of me!
ewwwwww. I don't like that. I was wondering why there was a girl walking into the bank looking at him and laughing.
When my other friend came out she was laughing and proceeded to tell us that the girls that walked into the bank were saying that he was acting like he was taking random pictures but he was taking a bunch of me!
WTF? WTF?! Why are you taking pictures of me?? Now yes granted I take pictures of people and then sometimes post them on Facebook or here making fun, but that's warranted. The fashion faux paus (I have no idea if that is spelled right) make for good fodder.
This guy is probably going to jerk off to it. ewwwww. Is it going to end up on a blog somewhere? Is it going to be all over the interweb now? Jesus Christ. Why was he taking a fucking picture of me? I don't like this at all.
It makes me feel dirty. Or used in some weird way. And I don't like that. Don't take my fucking picture. I hate getting my picture taken. I always look like crap. I never come out good at all and I always have to give approval or it immediately gets deleted.
This really pisses me off.
Standing on the corner yesterday afternoon with my friend waiting for another who was taking care of business in the bank and there was this guy standing behind us off to the side taking pictures with his crackberry. I think ok you're taking pictures of gourmet garage - weird but whatev. Little did I know he was taking pictures of me!
ewwwwww. I don't like that. I was wondering why there was a girl walking into the bank looking at him and laughing.
When my other friend came out she was laughing and proceeded to tell us that the girls that walked into the bank were saying that he was acting like he was taking random pictures but he was taking a bunch of me!
WTF? WTF?! Why are you taking pictures of me?? Now yes granted I take pictures of people and then sometimes post them on Facebook or here making fun, but that's warranted. The fashion faux paus (I have no idea if that is spelled right) make for good fodder.
This guy is probably going to jerk off to it. ewwwww. Is it going to end up on a blog somewhere? Is it going to be all over the interweb now? Jesus Christ. Why was he taking a fucking picture of me? I don't like this at all.
It makes me feel dirty. Or used in some weird way. And I don't like that. Don't take my fucking picture. I hate getting my picture taken. I always look like crap. I never come out good at all and I always have to give approval or it immediately gets deleted.
This really pisses me off.
Friday, August 6, 2010
well that was weird.
So last night after spin I'm in the locker room getting dressed (don't worry this isn't a story about a bug on my foot, I know you think that's where this is going but I promise it's not) when I guy walks in.
Or what I thought was a guy. It was not - it was of course a lesbian. But I clearly thought it was a guy and turned around to scream - thank god I stifled it that would have been awkward!- and then realized no.
Let me explain why, the woman walked into the locker room with her button down shirt fully unbuttoned. Her boobs were super flat so this made me assume it was a guy. Now I am wondering, is she walking down the street like that? Because there is no way she was able to unbutton the whole shirt from the moment she stepped in to when she got to me, and I think it would be extremely bizarre of her to start unbuttoning said shirt the moment she walked into the gym right?
So that led me to one conclusion - she is walking down the street like that. Now is that even legal? Maybe it is because she looks like a man? - No seriously she does, and whatever I don't care but she could go into the men's room and no one would think twice. But if she is walking down the street like that is she even worried if there is a breeze and her shirt opens up and her flat boobies are there for all to see? Maybe not? I mean maybe she doesn't always do this yesterday was a really hot and humid day , and..
I gotta stop talking about this. I don't know why I care about it but I really thought she was a fucking guy and everything I just wrote I was thinking of the rest of the time I spent in the locker room.
Or what I thought was a guy. It was not - it was of course a lesbian. But I clearly thought it was a guy and turned around to scream - thank god I stifled it that would have been awkward!- and then realized no.
Let me explain why, the woman walked into the locker room with her button down shirt fully unbuttoned. Her boobs were super flat so this made me assume it was a guy. Now I am wondering, is she walking down the street like that? Because there is no way she was able to unbutton the whole shirt from the moment she stepped in to when she got to me, and I think it would be extremely bizarre of her to start unbuttoning said shirt the moment she walked into the gym right?
So that led me to one conclusion - she is walking down the street like that. Now is that even legal? Maybe it is because she looks like a man? - No seriously she does, and whatever I don't care but she could go into the men's room and no one would think twice. But if she is walking down the street like that is she even worried if there is a breeze and her shirt opens up and her flat boobies are there for all to see? Maybe not? I mean maybe she doesn't always do this yesterday was a really hot and humid day , and..
I gotta stop talking about this. I don't know why I care about it but I really thought she was a fucking guy and everything I just wrote I was thinking of the rest of the time I spent in the locker room.
Nightmares.
I don't like them. And I am sure I'm not the only one. I just woke up to a hellish one. It wasn't one where I am being chased or attacked or monsters are everywhere or anything like that but my cell phone was gone.
And there were phones everywhere. And none of them were mine. I had my friends with me and as soon as I said "where is my phone?" They were all gone. And I couldn't call them because I didn't have my phone. I was picking up all these phones that were all crackberries hoping one would be mine and they weren't.
I had no idea where I was, I for some reason had a laundry bag full of boots and shoes, and I needed to call a cab but again had no phone. Right as I about truly freaking out my alarm went off and I jolted out of bed looking for my phone which of course if right on the table and I mentally thank god that it's there.
Now you might not think this is a nightmare - but it is. Just think about how you would react if your phone suddenly was gone. We live for our phones these days. All of our contacts, music, calendars, hell our lives are in our phone. We are attached to our phones like they are an appendage.
So laugh at me if you'd like, but you fucking now you'd freak the fuck out if your phone was stolen or lost. You'd start hyperventilating or crying or screaming at whomever was around you the moment it was gone.
And there were phones everywhere. And none of them were mine. I had my friends with me and as soon as I said "where is my phone?" They were all gone. And I couldn't call them because I didn't have my phone. I was picking up all these phones that were all crackberries hoping one would be mine and they weren't.
I had no idea where I was, I for some reason had a laundry bag full of boots and shoes, and I needed to call a cab but again had no phone. Right as I about truly freaking out my alarm went off and I jolted out of bed looking for my phone which of course if right on the table and I mentally thank god that it's there.
Now you might not think this is a nightmare - but it is. Just think about how you would react if your phone suddenly was gone. We live for our phones these days. All of our contacts, music, calendars, hell our lives are in our phone. We are attached to our phones like they are an appendage.
So laugh at me if you'd like, but you fucking now you'd freak the fuck out if your phone was stolen or lost. You'd start hyperventilating or crying or screaming at whomever was around you the moment it was gone.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
What's hotter? Hell or a NYC Train Station?
I am thinking that a NYC train station is beating out Hell on this one.
I have been trolling around the city all summer taking the train everywhere (well unless its late at night and I'm feeling tipsy in which case I take a cab) and have been sweating like a cow.
Now I have lived in NY my whole life and at one point this summer (last week actually) I was thinking this was the hottest summer ever. And then I realized that no it wasn't - it was a normal summer but that I wasn't used to the train station heat.
I was discussing this with my good friend Alicia (who btw is going to be missing me intensely for the next two weeks) the other day (probably last week but its just coming to mind now since it was so fucking humid today) about how this summer is so hot for me since I for the last 10 years be driven everywhere and now that I am walking or taking the train to all my destinations I'm fucking hot as hell.
To which she responded something to the affect of "well you were a princess before the past years being driven everywhere in air conditioning and now your not."
Side note - I am a fucking princess still. Anyone who has met me knows this. But I think every women should feel or be treated like a princess. Why the hell not? Geez women should be treated like the princesses (or queens) we are.
I digress. This convo and the fact that I'm fucking hot as hell got me thinking, what is hotter? Hell or a NYC train station?
I'm going with a train station. I mean you walk to the train station in 90 degree heat along with 100% humidity and then you get down to the station waiting for the train and the sweat just starts pouring. Even if you walk slow - which is what I do these days - the heat smacks you in the face the moment you get into the station.
Is it just me? I am the only one wiping sweat off my face (so sexy btw) every five seconds?
So yes NYC train stations are hotter. Only because they are no fun, you're standing there waiting - sweating - for an eternity to go to work, or going home at after a 14 hour day, or going someplace you don't want to go, or going someplace you want to go and are too cheap to take a cab.
Now, which train station is the hottest? The most hellish? Hands down the JMZ line station at city hall (chambers street.). Why you ask? That fucking train is like a 2 miles down (though probably realistically a 1/4 mile) from the surface of the earth. So its the closest to the center of the earth you can get without drilling and its FUCKING HOT AS BALLS.
I have been trolling around the city all summer taking the train everywhere (well unless its late at night and I'm feeling tipsy in which case I take a cab) and have been sweating like a cow.
Now I have lived in NY my whole life and at one point this summer (last week actually) I was thinking this was the hottest summer ever. And then I realized that no it wasn't - it was a normal summer but that I wasn't used to the train station heat.
I was discussing this with my good friend Alicia (who btw is going to be missing me intensely for the next two weeks) the other day (probably last week but its just coming to mind now since it was so fucking humid today) about how this summer is so hot for me since I for the last 10 years be driven everywhere and now that I am walking or taking the train to all my destinations I'm fucking hot as hell.
To which she responded something to the affect of "well you were a princess before the past years being driven everywhere in air conditioning and now your not."
Side note - I am a fucking princess still. Anyone who has met me knows this. But I think every women should feel or be treated like a princess. Why the hell not? Geez women should be treated like the princesses (or queens) we are.
I digress. This convo and the fact that I'm fucking hot as hell got me thinking, what is hotter? Hell or a NYC train station?
I'm going with a train station. I mean you walk to the train station in 90 degree heat along with 100% humidity and then you get down to the station waiting for the train and the sweat just starts pouring. Even if you walk slow - which is what I do these days - the heat smacks you in the face the moment you get into the station.
Is it just me? I am the only one wiping sweat off my face (so sexy btw) every five seconds?
So yes NYC train stations are hotter. Only because they are no fun, you're standing there waiting - sweating - for an eternity to go to work, or going home at after a 14 hour day, or going someplace you don't want to go, or going someplace you want to go and are too cheap to take a cab.
Now, which train station is the hottest? The most hellish? Hands down the JMZ line station at city hall (chambers street.). Why you ask? That fucking train is like a 2 miles down (though probably realistically a 1/4 mile) from the surface of the earth. So its the closest to the center of the earth you can get without drilling and its FUCKING HOT AS BALLS.
Don't be jealous
Even though you will be when I tell you....that I am on vacation starting in 20 minutes and will not be returning to work for 2 weeks!
Thank god. I'm totally about to burn out. The summer is supposed to be slow, but it hasn't been slow for me at all - really since December. Maybe I had a quiet day or week months ago but that is loooooooooong forgotten at this point.
Of course I will be working remotely the entire time I'm sure because my clients are crazily retarded, but whatevs I can sleep in and not come into the office.
And don't worry! I will not be vacationing from my blog. I plan to write a hell of a lot for you guys.
First order of business? Get the fuck out of here in 20 minutes to spin and then go home, sit on my couch with a wonderful refreshing drink in hand (soco on the rocks with a lime - not lime juice good god no that's just wrong) and watch the Jersey Shore.
Yes I'm addicted to it, why the hell wouldn't I be? How could you not be? Anyhoo I digress the point of this post is to gloat that I'm on vacation and your not.
Nanny nanny poo poo.
Thank god. I'm totally about to burn out. The summer is supposed to be slow, but it hasn't been slow for me at all - really since December. Maybe I had a quiet day or week months ago but that is loooooooooong forgotten at this point.
Of course I will be working remotely the entire time I'm sure because my clients are crazily retarded, but whatevs I can sleep in and not come into the office.
And don't worry! I will not be vacationing from my blog. I plan to write a hell of a lot for you guys.
First order of business? Get the fuck out of here in 20 minutes to spin and then go home, sit on my couch with a wonderful refreshing drink in hand (soco on the rocks with a lime - not lime juice good god no that's just wrong) and watch the Jersey Shore.
Yes I'm addicted to it, why the hell wouldn't I be? How could you not be? Anyhoo I digress the point of this post is to gloat that I'm on vacation and your not.
Nanny nanny poo poo.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Wow.
As I sit on my couch this morning (as every morning) emailing clients trying to get a jump start on my day I listen to the morning news.
And I just heard something that shocked me - well I guess if you think about it its not that shocking actually....
72 million Americans are considered obese. So that mean 1 out of 3 people are fat bastards. Now I know what you are thinking, you're thinking "whoa, whoa! I see fat people on the streets but its not at a 1 to 3 ratio." That's because most of you reading this are living in NYC. Most people in NYC don't eat. And more importantly we are too vain and superficial to get fat.
Most every other state outside of New York are full of fatties. Think about it, you drive around any other state - mainly the south or mid west - all you see are unhealthy places to eat, they drive everywhere so they are not getting excersize (I can never spell that word correctly) by at least walking, there aren't gyms on every other corner and they fry every piece of food that they shove into their pieholes.
I was thinking about making this post mean, bashing obese people but honestly, this isn't healthy. Obese people are a staircase away from a heart attack.
And that's just sad. For them not me.
And I just heard something that shocked me - well I guess if you think about it its not that shocking actually....
72 million Americans are considered obese. So that mean 1 out of 3 people are fat bastards. Now I know what you are thinking, you're thinking "whoa, whoa! I see fat people on the streets but its not at a 1 to 3 ratio." That's because most of you reading this are living in NYC. Most people in NYC don't eat. And more importantly we are too vain and superficial to get fat.
Most every other state outside of New York are full of fatties. Think about it, you drive around any other state - mainly the south or mid west - all you see are unhealthy places to eat, they drive everywhere so they are not getting excersize (I can never spell that word correctly) by at least walking, there aren't gyms on every other corner and they fry every piece of food that they shove into their pieholes.
I was thinking about making this post mean, bashing obese people but honestly, this isn't healthy. Obese people are a staircase away from a heart attack.
And that's just sad. For them not me.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Yeah well I've got a good excuse
Should I be blogging tonight? Sure. Is there things I feel like ranting about? Talking about? Definitely.
Honestly, tonight was the first time I got home before 8pm in a very long time. So I am watching crappy T.V. and reading a good book.
I'll get back on this shit tomorrow.
Enjoy your night as much as I will enjoy mine.
Toodles! x.
Honestly, tonight was the first time I got home before 8pm in a very long time. So I am watching crappy T.V. and reading a good book.
I'll get back on this shit tomorrow.
Enjoy your night as much as I will enjoy mine.
Toodles! x.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Just to remind you
I feel at this pint (oops! I mean point I really do I don't drink beer, ick! It's soco only darlings) it's time to remind you what my blog is about....
I'm just throwing my thoughts out there (or here I guess) and I am 100% honest. Yes there are things I will not go into detail about - and with good reason - but 9 times out of 10 you get full disclosure,
So like it or don't. But if you don't like it then you don't like me . Yes I might put things out there that aren't good for how people perceive me but again I don't care.
So read it or don't but don't judge me. Because honestly it could be a lot worse......
For you.
I'm just throwing my thoughts out there (or here I guess) and I am 100% honest. Yes there are things I will not go into detail about - and with good reason - but 9 times out of 10 you get full disclosure,
So like it or don't. But if you don't like it then you don't like me . Yes I might put things out there that aren't good for how people perceive me but again I don't care.
So read it or don't but don't judge me. Because honestly it could be a lot worse......
For you.
Just saying.
My weekend was better than yours. It was. Believe me. Just ask Alicia, Courtney and Means.
Where do my socks go?
It never fails. Every other time I do laundry I lose a sock.
I don't get it. I take my clothes out of the washing machine and double check to make sure that there are know stragglers or escapees..there of course are none. I dump it all in the dryer and once its dry I take it all and drop it in my laundry bag. Again I double check so there's no man (in this case sock) left behind. There is none.
So how the fuck is it possible that after I fold all my clothes and put it all away there is a single lonely sock? Do they actually pull off a jail break during the drying cycle? Is some one stealing socks from me when I leave the laundry room?
The only thing I miss from my past life is the washer and dryer in my house. I never lost a sock in 3 years. Now i'm down to 3 pairs of socks. Is it that big of a deal in the summer? Yes and no.
It's not a big deal unless I want to wear dirty/sweaty spin socks to the gym.
I don't get it. I take my clothes out of the washing machine and double check to make sure that there are know stragglers or escapees..there of course are none. I dump it all in the dryer and once its dry I take it all and drop it in my laundry bag. Again I double check so there's no man (in this case sock) left behind. There is none.
So how the fuck is it possible that after I fold all my clothes and put it all away there is a single lonely sock? Do they actually pull off a jail break during the drying cycle? Is some one stealing socks from me when I leave the laundry room?
The only thing I miss from my past life is the washer and dryer in my house. I never lost a sock in 3 years. Now i'm down to 3 pairs of socks. Is it that big of a deal in the summer? Yes and no.
It's not a big deal unless I want to wear dirty/sweaty spin socks to the gym.
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