This is not a recap.

Let's get it straight from the get go. This is not a fucking LOST recap. That's not my job. There are plenty of sites out there that recap amazingly (zap2it, eonline, etc, etc.). The point of this post is for me to tell everyone bitching about the series finale to shut the fuck up.

Immediately after the show was over I hated it. Then I watched Jimmy Kimmel Live, proceeded to stay up till 3am pondering and thinking about what I saw, fell asleep somehow and then woke up at 7:30 to read every recap on the interweb - not because i'm an idiot that needed anything explained - but just to make sure we were all on the same page. And when I say "we" I mean me and the smart recappers, not me and the 7 million retards that are bitching right now.

This episode was a goodbye to the fans, but it also enabled fans to say goodbye to a show they have loved the past 6 years (even longer!)

I loved seeing the old characters (Shannon! Boone!) and loved even more when they individually "woke up" most especially Sawyer and Juliet. I cried like a baby both times (yes I re watched the show last night) I watched their scene together. It was great see all the major players find their loves again, but more importantly than that they got their lives back so that they could move on...and by moving on I mean heaven.

Ugh, yes we knew this whole time this show had underlying religious tones, hell mid way through the first season we were all insistent that the island was purgatory. We knew all of this, but yet the moment it was shoved in our face we got a little turned off - and when I say "we" I mean whoever didn't like it.

The whole theme of this last episode was "moving on." So now its time we move on as well.

Lets get it straight, because I have come across many, many, many people who had no idea what just went down - everything on the island happened, everything from the moment they crashed till Jack's eye closed. The alternate reality this season was purgatory. Then when Jack finally woke up and realized that wasn't his real life, that the island times was they all went to heaven. And no they didn't all die at the same time - some died before him and some died later, much later. There is no time there is no place, it is just being.

Its fucking purgatory people! It can't be explained, MOVE ON.

How else would they end the show? Can you think of a better ending? Really can you? I fucking doubt it. If the creators of the God Damn show couldn't do better then neither could you.

now fuck off.

I'll admit it. I'm kinda Addicted

So this weekend, there was a marathon on MTV of "The Jersey Shore." Under no choice of my own (there was nothing else on), I got sucked in and now...i'm addicted.

I have it set to record on my DVR. I know when the new season is starting (July 29th!) I've picked a favorite boy (Vinny) and girl (Snooki - durr). And even have watched certain scenes over and over again - like when snooki got beat down by a 200 lb chick.

At first like you, I wanted nothing to do with this show. Anytime it was on I felt like I was going to vomit (literally - like I was super drunk and had the spins) I thought it was just so fucking retarded - why glorify idiot guidos?? Guidos should not be given any publicity. They should be flushed down the toilet like the rest of our shit.

I mean seriously, the fake tans (the girls legs are so dark I was thinking they were running around in black pantyhose the entire time), the put on Brooklyn accent, the hideously stupid nick names ("the situation" - really??) I was like this is a joke right?

Then as I started watching it I decided yes it is a joke..but the joke is on them. Well at least for me, cause I'm laughing at them not with them (no truly I am, soooo not laughing with them..wellll...maybe once or twice)

Well atleast thinking the joke is on them makes me feel better about watching it.

Oh who fucking cares its genius reality TV. And I am not ashamed to be watching it.

This is soooo last year.

I thought this trend was over - having all the stickers and tags on your baseball hat. Am I wrong? Cause here I am thinking the Ghetto trend is so last year (or at the very least last season.). Do we really need to know your actual hat size? And that it is "Cool Base" whatever the fuck that means.

God children, come one! This is stupid, ugly and all sorts of wrong. Stop being an idiot. Take the god damn stickers off your hats and while your at it pick up your pants, it honestly can't be comfortable having your belt and waist of your pants under your ass.

So Disappointing

So last Friday, I scored something that all single ladies in NYC want to attain - A NYC Firefighters phone number - while he was on duty.

Pretty sick huh?

Yea not so much. You know, a fireman in gear is fucking hot no matter what. But...out of the gear, sometimes not so much. Le sigh....

I got the number, scored a date and when I met him on said date I was like...oh no. You know the minute someone starts talking if you want to make out or continue talking to them. 30 seconds into this I knew...

Such a bummer. Honestly, firemen should be required to be in their gear all the time. Whether they are working or not.

God damn it. Now I gotta find another one (it's on my bucket list durrr.).

Though the silver lining? Totally gonna get the host/manager at said bar...don't worry it's not my regular place (see the don't shit where you drink quote a few posts down) so its totally fine to do. The seeds have been planted. GAME ON.

Did I really need to go to the bar after the party?

Jesus Christ.

I woke up drunk this morning. Did we really have to go to a bar after the party (hmmm Courtney??) I'm surprised I actually woke up considering I shut off the alarm after the 10th snooze. Though I did feel better after lunch (which consisted of a BLT, Fries and a drink - hair of the dog people get on it) its not fun waking up drunk.

The moral of this story you might be asking? After drinking (most likely) a bottle of Southern Comfort at a party (all the while actively avoiding someone who has a crush on you) DO NOT hop in a cab to hit a bar for one more drink. Though tomorrow I will probably do it all over again.

Do as I say not as I do. You'll thank me for it in the morning. Promise.

Quote of the day

"Don't shit where you drink."

- Alicia

Meaning if you find a great bar where you know the owner by name and you will go there constantly don't fuck shit up by fucking one of the bartenders...because that could - no - most likely would get awkward and then you'd have to find a new bar. And that my friends would suck.

Now this is what I'm talking about

So the owners of the Giants and Jets have officially put in a bid to have the Superbowl in their new stadium for 2014.

Can I get a fuck yes on that one? FUCK YES!

Now of course not everyone is as happy as I am about this. These people are retarded pussies. They say the Superbowl should stay being played in either warm weather areas or domes (cue the eye roll.).

Football was meant to be played by men. In the elements. There should be a Superbowl in NY or New England or Buffalo. How amazing would it be to watch a Superbowl played in the snow? This is a mans sport. Not a gentleman's sport - a man's sport. There is no time for little whining pussies who are cold. Fuck that shit.

I would totally go to the Superbowl (or atleast try to ) if it was in Giants Stadium. People are saying its not fair to fans as they might get a little chilly. Oh shut the fuck up. Any true football fan would wear 10 layers of clothes a parka, long johns, anything they needed to and sit freezing there ass off watching the Superbowl.

Any one hear of Green Bay? That stadium I think is full for every game.

Look who's getting sexy!

Above is a one of the many promo photos for the Miss USA pagent. Apparently this is offensive to some. Why? Well apparently its objectifying the women enrolled in the competition, its too racy, sexy, blah blah blah...

Ummm isn't this the same pagent that makes women walk around in string bikinis - with their fake tits not moving - and then be judged?

They are being judged on how they look. How appealing, beautiful even sexy they are. The smartest chick isn't winning this shindig. Its the most attractive. The one who will garner the most attention. And that is more than likely - the sexiest.

Now let me ask another question. Who still watches this? It's supposedly airing on TV this weekend, did anyone know this? (cause I sure as hell didn't) anyone? besides those pagent moms who are trying to earn a living off of their 6 year old blonde daughters' looks? No one. I bet you didn't even know this was coming up - you do now don't you?

Nice work Donald Trump. Yesss nice work. That's right lets not forget who owns this whole thing. The Donald. Its all about publicity.

In my opinion, this competition in general objectifies women. Not the pictures. These pictures to me show these women saying "yea we look good, we are sexy, don't you want to look like us?" They are embracing their sexuality and that's empowering. The competition tells insecure women that you have to look perfect in both an evening gown and bathing suit, be able to have one talent and want world peace to be perfectly beautiful, attractive and wanted.

Dear Good Day NY.

Dear Good Day NY,

I have been watching you for years - 10 years to be exact. And I have been looking over the fact that you have been leaning more and more to the right for some time now.

I mean, its pretty fucking obvious that you are owned by a right wing based company. And it's becoming disgusting.

Case in point (and get ready people this is a rant) there was a terrorist attack last week in NY (kudos for you if you had no idea this happened!). Also about 2 weeks ago an oil well got all fucked up and started oozing oil like a mother fucker down south.

All they talk about on GDNY is the fucking terrorist "attempted" bombing. Lets be clear the bomb didn't go off - and who isn't shocked that there was one?? Damn. I am more shocked that there wasn't one sooner - They are not talking about the oil oozing all over god's green earth, a spill that's worse then the Exxon Valdez spill - so the experts say - and I believe them.

Absolutely no discussion about it.

NONE.

I watch this show from 6:30 - 9am. They maybe, maybe talk about the oil spill for 5 minutes. 5 fucking minutes the entire time.

Are they fucking kidding me?? 5 fucking minutes? This is a massive oil spill like ( I say like because it's not like it was a boat that exploded) incident, destroying waters and beaches by the minute. They can't stop it from leaking. But lets not talk about that......

Lets instead put the fear of god in people living in NYC. Making them think that they could die at any second because of a crazy radical bomber. That any Arab on the plane they are on is a bomber.

Fucking idiots. It's bullshit.

The only thing keeping me watching is Greg Kelly...he's kinda hot. Oh and Mike Woods...but he's gay and wouldn't give me a second look if I walked by him naked.

Yes I have said this before

But apparently I need to say it again. UGH. Why are these still being made? Why are people still wearing these?

Don't fucking give me that shit about "oh I am walking around the city all day I don't want my feet to hurt." I have no fucking respect for anyone that has that thinking. I am in 4" heels ALL DAY LONG. Let me say that again - ALL DAY LONG.

I am on my feet all day long. I walk up a hill to get the train, I work over 8 hours, then go out. ALL IN HEELS.

On the weekend I am running errands, doing laundry, food shopping, shall I go on? And again - ALL IN HEELS.

Flats fucking suck. UGH'S suck worse. UGH's suck the biggest dick ever.

People Please. PLEASE STOP WEARING UGHS.

For the love of GOD. STOP WEARING UGHS.

For me. I don't ask for much. Do me this favor and just stop.

I mean really what the fuck?

Maybe its me. Maybe I'm too old to know what fashion is these days. Oh please who the fuck am I kidding this one is all her.

What does she think when she looks in the mirror before leaving her house? It probably goes something like this:

Ripped hot pink stockings - check!
Beat up old converse - check!
Cut off denim shorts that make my fat ass even fatter - check!
Absolutely hideous checkered bag and poor man's member only jacket - check and check!

I look fabulous!

Girl please if you end up on this blog your a fucking idiot who shouldn't have left their house. I mean how do you honestly walk out of your house thinking this is ok? Unless its Halloween and your costume is a homeless person who is still thinks its 1980? No even then this outfit does not apply.

I mean I literally couldn't stop myself from pointing and laughing at her which might not have been the best thing considering she about 250 pounds and looked hungry.