They have a store? UGH

Major Ugh to be exact. People come on! Why oh why! is there a Croc store?? You guys know how I feel about these, these hideous feet cover ups. I will not call them shoes! That would be a disgrace to shoes everywhere! My shoes would go on strike if they ever heard me call these things shoes.

Why do people wear them? In what world are these appropriate footwear? They're plastic. Aren't they? Well if not they look like plastic. And ugly as sin. They do not under any circumstances deserve a store, they should not be sold stores (or sold at all anywhere for that matter) if people insist on wearing them they should be relegated to buy them on some obscure website or Kmart - no even Kmart is to good to sell these.

A dollar store. Yes a dollar store. A 99cents store for that matter!

I mean are they comfortable? they don't look it. And for that matter shoes are not meant to be comfortable! They are meant too make you look good! To heighten! To accentuate an outfit!

When I think of Crocs I think of some fat balding man or woman from east bumble fuck USA wearing high waisted jean shorts with a Nascar T-shirt tucked in and a fanny pack.

Do you want that to be you? Because I truly believe 100% that you will end up looking like that if you continue to wear Crocs.

Now I must go I am running late for a hair appointment.

GAAAHHHH! (Again)

What the fuck?! Another fucking bug on my foot at the fucking gym? Are you fucking kidding me? Jesus fucking christ how the fuck is this possible? I couldn't make this up if I wanted to.

Thank god there was other girls in the locker room, because if not I would have been fucked.

Soooo I'm getting ready to go out after spin last night and I'm all done, just have to put some lotion on and get dressed. I grab some lotion, put my foot on a stool and a fucking hornet (a god damned hornet!) flies right up on my foot!

"EEEEEEEP!" I scream and run the fuck out of the the dressing area.

Again thank god there were two other girls in there. They come running over "whats wrong, what happened!"

I just stand up against the wall pointing at the HUGE (i'm not kidding it was like 2" big) hornet that has now started chilling on the stool.

One girl says "well just kill it." I turned looked at her and said "go for it because I can't fucking move right now."

She stared at me blankly. She actually thought I would be killing this fucking thing!

The other woman (who was like an amazon - no joke) grabs her size 13 running shoe and with all her power slams it down and kills it. I swear she almost broke the stool.

I couldn't stop thanking her. I mean seriously, I had plans and all my shit (make up, straightening iron, brush, etc) was in that room. And this fucking thing could have started flying all around blocking my entry to get my shit and high tail it out of there.

Of course I had flashbacks to the roach and nearly started hyper ventilating. I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

I mean a roach I get they are everywhere (except my apt thank you very much) but a fucking hornet? Is there a fucking hive in the locker room? How the fuck does that get into the gym? What's next? A dragonfly? Beetles? Waterbugs?

God damn it, and you know I was itchy the rest of the night thinking every little tingle was a fucking bug.

A little story for you.

So. There is this cute boy that works in my building. Totally my type. Tall, tattooed, pretty eyes, blah blah - or so I thought, but I will get to that in a moment - so we started chatting.

We have been chatting over the past couple of weeks and so yesterday I decided that I would wind up getting the number by today (you know a girl's gotta have goals) which would have been totally possible (I've got the skillz to pay the billz) until....

After chatting, go up to the office, and get a Facebook friend request. From him. Now I never told him my last name. But I think he did know where I worked. But still as soon as I saw this, I thought...ummmm creepy.

I don't want to be Facebook friends with him. I mean Jesus I fucking hardly know the kid. But the real story is the fact that the douche has a girlfriend! What an idiot. You friend request me so that when I look at your wall it clearly states that you are relationship with someone (who is also on Facebook) so what ensues is this string of messages. Because honestly I really fucking hate cheaters but more so people who think they can run game but have absolutely none.

I have of course retouched out (Thanks Derek!) my name (because again...stalkers) But I did leave my picture because its super tiny and I think its cute. But enjoy reading the below!

Um and yeah you need to click the photo so that it pops up larger.

Now let me continue on with my rant. WTF is this kid thinking? Is he not getting it at all? Does he think he is being cute? He's not that hot that he can pull off snagging me when I know he has a girlfriend. The best is that through all of this he has not once - ONCE! - admitting he has a girlfriend. DUDE you are listing on your wall that you are in a relationship. What don't you get.

And yes I am putting him on full blast keeping his name in, fuck that shit, maybe he girlfriend will read my blog.

Somethings should just be illegal.

Like say...9am conference calls. That are scheduled to last for 2 hours.

Sooooo basically I need to come into work 1/2 hour earlier and get my whole day fucked because for two hours I wont have access to email, be able to handle any client requests that come in so that when I get out of the conference call I will have about 100 emails a million things to do and will then proceed to be running around like a maniac all day trying to get it all done.

Not to mention I'm sure the account team will promise to release today things I had no idea about yesterday and that will just pile shit onto my plate.

Does anyone enjoy 9am conference calls? Can't we do them at 10ish so that we can all settle in? So that I don't have to get up at 5:30 instead of 6:15 to handle my morning emails and then send out a bunch to get things rolling when everyone else gets in?

8 more business days till vacation. 8 more business days till vacation. 8 more business days.....

Sigh, and yesterday was such a good day. Well I guess if Monday is good Tuesday has got to be crap.

Ok maybe not all of them are douches

So today I was discussing with a friend my post about people who say "bro" = douches. She totally agreed with me (because everyone knows a blue shirt is a douche) however she also noted that Surfers say "bro" a lot.

I realized she had a point. Surfers you see are not douches. They have that whole California way about them, have a natural lazy swagger, keep it real, don't play games, treat women like crap, etc, etc and well in a nutshell are fucking hot.

So they are not douches, you can't think a surfer is a douche, I mean hell they probably don't even know what that means. So I am making a little (tiny, itsy bitsy) revise to my initial statement.

Anyone who says the word "bro" = douche unless they are a surfer.

Don't fuck with this kids burrito

And what did you do this weekend?

I really don't care. I was just asking to be polite. This post is to really gloat.

Because see, this picture up top was was I was looking at most of the weekend (and to all you dirty sexy boys, no I was not on my back getting fucked in the park or the beach all weekend - though I would have liked to...with.....hmmmm anyway I digress.)

No this is the view from my roof as I relaxed most of the weekend working on my tan. And every time I opened my eyes I saw some beautiful cloud formations. Cloud formations that really didn't impede me getting a fantastic tan.

So I don't know what you did, and again nor do I care but this was my view for most it. Don't hate, congratulate.

Music Monday!

Monday as we all know is the worst day of the week. When I wake up on Mondays the first thing that pops into my head is one word. UGH. Its the one day every week I seriously consider calling in sick.

On Monday I look at all my fellow commuters and everyone is clearly over it. It seems like every single person hates their life. Hey I don't blame them - its fucking Monday. We've all had great weekends (well maybe yours was shit but mine wasn't) and now its all over. Back to the grind.

Most Mondays (well not most - every Monday) I am like everyone else. Pissed as shit that I have to go to work and I am mentally begging that someone does something retarded to me or around me so I can go off on them and get out some aggression. But not today..why you ask? Well because I created the most awesome Monday morning playlist.

Seriously it's awesome. You'll see in a second. It starts off slow and then builds up to the point where I ready for my Monday and its going to kick ass. And seriously, this day hasn't been so bad so far - though granted it is only lunchtime (yes kids I'm on my lunch break I'm not procrastinating or slacking off.).

So here it goes, I 100% support and approve this playlist. Go ahead and be a copy cat you'll thank me for it later. Don't say I never did anything nice for you:

1. Lisztomania by Phoenix This is played 2x yes I repeat it, totally worth it.
2. 1901 by Phoenix
3. No One Loves Me & Neither Do I by Them Crooked Vultures
4. Kill me Carolyn by The Whigs
5. Jerk it by Thunderheist
6. The Pursuit of Happiness (Them Jeans Remix) by Kid Cudi
7. Born Free by M.I.A

I have a short commute so you might have to add on to this. My list starts the moment I lock my door till I sit at my desk. Now granted I hate M.I.A with a passion as a person but the music to Born Free is so loud and hard, so fucking kick assing that its a "I'm totally going to conquer this fucking day, fuck it if its Monday" song that had to be included.

Enjoy.

So I guess we are just letting them do whatever they want now?

So I have seen/encountered a few disturbing/annoying things amongst the children of the corn this week...and I felt the need to say a few things about each experience..

1. I was walking through the park to work the other morning and there is a field where a day camp is held - I think its a city run program who knows - and there is a kid running around with a plastic bag over his head! A plastic fucking bag! Over his whole head! What the fuck!? Can't that kill this kid? And there were counselors all over the place not saying anything. I was going to, but then I figured, eh, maybe he was to kill himself who am I to stop him.

2. Last weekend while I am walking down the street to my apartment, there is a kid on the sidewalk walking with her parents about to cross the street (then subsequently crosses) with no shoes on. No shoes! Seriously, um there is piss and shit and probably the clap all over the streets and sidewalks of NYC. Not to mention needles, tacks, sharp objects, etc. Yea so don't be surprised when you kid gets fucking tetnus, ringworm, hep A or C you fucking idiot. What she didn't want to wear shoes? So we will just playcate to her? Smart.

3. In the elevator of my building this group of people and their devil spawn get on. This 4 year old? Maybe 5? No 4, proceeds to start hitting all the buttons. There are 15 fucking floors in my elevator. These parents are not stopping her. I say "Are you kidding me right now? Stop that!" Of course the kid stopped, shocked at someone snapping at her. Her parents say "oh she likes pressing the buttons." "Yea?" I reply "Well I don't feel like stopping at every fucking floor. And its rude for you to let her do that" I don't think they appreciated my tone or dropping the F-bomb. But I could have cared less. I hope that little shit was saying fucking every 30 seconds that day.

People, listen up. You need to discipline your child. They should be seen and not heard. If they start throwing a tantrum in a restaurant go outside because I don't want to hear that shit. Children are not the boss. Adults are. Remember how our parents didn't take our shit? Yea you need to be like that. Because if you wont I will.

And then your child will be throwing F-bombs all day long.

I love it when I'm right

So I did wind up going out last night. And of course I was out until 2am. But that's a story for another time...

Anyway remember my post about guys that say "bro" = douches? (No well then scroll the fuck down and read that post first) Well I was right! Damn fucking skippy I was.

I was at my favorite bar (which I won't name in case someone I don't know is reading this and wants to stalk me) with my friend who is totally liking this guy next to us. So I keep telling her to put the moves on him - which she is chickening out of - when he uses the word "bro" in a sentence!

I immediately say "oh no! nuh uh, he's a douche! don't try getting him!" I explain my whole bro = douche theory and she is not having it. So she tries to get her some and he is being of course a douche. Pretty much ignoring her, avoiding her eyes, acting like he doesn't see her meanwhile she's pretty much touching him.

Now before you get all "well she's probably ugly" she's cute. Pretty. And exactly this guys type. He's a blue shirt (read = financial, JFK jr wannabe that wears only blue shirts) and what are blue shirts? DOUCHES!

So we go outside to leave and he is out there smoking. She asks him for a smoke and a light and he gives both to her, and she is being all sweet and he is just staring at her stone faced trying hard to not roll his eyes and then when she walks away looks at me all sexy like and winks.

Dude knows I'm with her who is all about him, and I am sooooo not a blue shirt type girl. There is no way anyone would see me end up with a blue shirt. I wouldn't even fuck one (well maybe if he was over 6 feet, super hot, looked like a surfer...) So he actually thinks he can snub my friend and then get me with a look and what? I'll put my friend in a cab and go join him back in the fucking bar?

That my friends is a douche. A huge douche and a dick to boot. And as we walked away I loudly said so he could hear: "I told you he was a douche. Anyone who says "bro" is one!"

I love it when I am right.

Really?

Just heard on Good Day NY that Selena Gomez is going to be part of the Lilith Fair tour...

Umm really? Isn't she a Disney pop - like singer? And isn't Lilith Fair just a bunch of older grayed hair morose lesbians performing? Or we all figure their lesbians? Singing sad ironic songs about political issues and/or depressing break up love songs?

Oh ok, sure makes perfect sense. Sorry I even questioned it for a second.

Is it lame?

To already start thinking of excuses to get out of having drinks with a friend tonight?

Ugh, I mean I wanna go but honestly? I rather come home and clean my apartment. Seriously. Its a fucking mess. I wanted to clean last night but that wasn't happening since I got home from work at 10.

I mean sure its Thursday and everyone will be out so it would be fun, and I haven't seen my girlfriend in a while and it would be great to catch up, but I don't want to be hungover tomorrow. If it was a Friday there would be no dispute I would not be acting like a baby right now.

Hmmm...I feel bad lying, like saying I'm not feeling well (only cause you know I'll jinx myself and wake up feeling like I'm getting the flu AGAIN) or that I have to work late (because then I will really get fucked and wind up working till 11.). I could just tell the truth that I rather go home and clean and i'm not feeling up to it...but see people don't appreciate the truth. It would wind up hurting their feelings. And how do you tell someone "Nah can't make it I really just want to hit the gym and go home and clean."

You can't. I mean that's like a smack in the face. You don't tell that to a friend. To a guy you never want to hear from again? Totally.

Ok, I need to stop being a shit. I'll go, for a drink, maybe two. Be home by 10:30ish and get my 8 hours of sleep....

Famous last words right?

A social-economic conversation

You know, I have no idea if the below conversation is "social economic" most likely probably not. And i'm sure any smart person reading this will shake their head in disgust (wait are smart people reading this??)

Anyhoo I digress on what the the conversation actually is. I don't even know what really started it - oh I know we saw a homeless guy on the street and my friend mentioned how the girl next to her on the train gave a homeless guy $2 (which really fucking shocked me, who the hell gives a homeless person $2? A quarter I see, but $2? must have been a tourist.) I found that annoying because it annoys me when anyone on the train sitting next to me gives a homeless person money because then they (both the giver and receiver) are staring at me like I need to dig in my bag and shell out some dollar bills.

So Courtney continues on that she is not annoyed for the reasons I am but because the homeless person in question did not work for it. She proceeds to explain that by "work" she means, put on a performance, dance, sing, have a really good heartbreaking story truly make her want to dig in her purse to give money.

I on the other hand don't care about any of that. I declare I only give money to those with animals. To which our other friend Mean's starts peppering me with questions:

"What if they are handicapped?"

"No."

"Even if they are a cripple?"

"No. Only if there are animals involved."

"Oh I don't care if they have animals, that's not good enough for me" - Courtney pipes in

"What if they have a stump?"

"Oh good god no that just freaks me out! Fuck a stump! Get that image out of my head!"

"Children?"

"Like they are a kid that ran away from their rich parents and supposedly want to get back home but can't call their parents to buy them a ticket for a bus ride?"

"No they have children."

"Hmmm I have never seen that, homeless people with kids hanging on them, I mean maybe? Well, I might have to stick to my animals only policy."

If the above conversation is not fucked up enough for you which also proves how mean I am in ways, I proceed to say what I saw in the west 4th street station the other day:

"There is this homeless guy by the steps that is always there and is blind. Or well you assume he is blind because of the cane and glasses he is rocking. So today I see this girl give this blind guy a little carton of milk and a small box of cereal. I am already wondering how is this blind guy going to handle all of this - but that is not the point of my story. When she walks away she waved. Waved! The guy is blind! he can't fucking see her wave, what is she retarded? Why is she waving?!"

We proceed to laugh our way into the bar.

Wow reading this again, I guess I kinda seem like a dick. I mean cereal girl was doing a nice thing it was just the waving that ruined it all for her. Eh whatever. I just say what most every other New Yorker is thinking but is afraid some liberal will come down on them like a hailstorm if they say anything.

Just a friendly piece of advice girls...

Stay away from any guy that says "bro." Because that guy is a douche.

This is all based on research and stories I have heard from other girls, and because well I am a good judge of character and not a moron.

Seriously i'm not kidding. He is going to be a douche. Just think about the jersey shore boys, or blue shirt financial guys. They are all douches and they use the word bro. Constantly.

And it's not just if they use it to call out to eachother. Like in "hey bro, you see that ass?" or "Yo bro i'm telling you, I hit that shit for hours!" or "Bro! get me another beer while your up there!" Its also applies when they are talking to you about their friends. As in, "Yea me and my bro's are gonna hit the links this weekend."

If you find yourself in the company of one of the above said "bro" men extract yourself out of the situation immediately. I don't care what you do, feign a seizure, act like your phone is on vibrate and that you just got an emergency call or better yet - and this is probably the best way - start talking about how you can't wait to get married and have kids and stare right into his eyes dreamily, trust he will end whatever is going on (whether its a date or a conversation at a bar) right quick.

And don't think to yourself, oh well he's kinda cute, good body, blah blah I'll just take him home and get laid i'm horny. These guys either A) have little dicks or B) will not take care of you in anyway, its all about them.

Seriously bro, you'll thank me later for this little piece of information

Just a little list of things...

That have fucking annoyed me already this morning:

1. I sweated my entire commute. Its fucking hot as balls today. Sweltering. Jesus Christ, I am not a fan of fucking back sweat. Its not sexy at all you know? And seriously if I am going to sweat it should be while I am on the beach working on my tan. Preferably a nude one - I hate tan lines.

2. The two annoying Jappy girls that were yacking it up so loud that I heard them even with my headphones on. How is this possible? I play my music so loud I will probably be deaf in 5 years.

3. The media coverage on Lindsay Lohan. Ugh. Do we really fucking care about her still? Is this really news? Why am I hearing the newscasters talk about her every 10 minutes this morning? Who fucking cares? She's in jail, she should be. There is no need to worry about her she was a lesbian once she'll survive..

4. My favorite pair of shoes have to be taken into the shoe hospital. They are - if you are wondering - Michael Kors linen peep toe 4" woven heels. They go with everything. I have had them for years. But they are super dirty and must be cleaned. This however affects me wearing my favorite outfit - which I planned to do on Friday - since I will not have them cleaned by then.

Obviously #4 is the worst of them all. Told you it was going to be a shitty day.

GOD DAMN IT! WHY DIDN"T THE SHOE DOCTOR SCOTCH GUARD THEM?!

Life Lesson # 467

" Any day that starts off by one denying themselves good sex because they foresee themselves possibly getting hurt down the line is going to be a shitty one. Fucking A."

Another reason why I hate hipsters

I think these pants say it fucking all.

Who the fuck wears pants like this? A hipster that's who.

And these pants are another reason why I hate them. These pants are fucking hideous.

'Nuff said.

Keep on hating.

Every morning I walk by a McDonald's after I get off the train and I do my sad walk to the office - yes sad - who the fuck wants to work? - and I feel hate eyes on me.

You know what I am talking about. When you can feel eyes on you - eyes which sometimes you can feel emotion - that are just hating....

Yes the hating eyes of the fat, trashy, diabetes, two seconds away from a heart attack fucktards - hating because I look better then them.

Oh so sorry I am a fit cute chick. Sooooo fucking sorry.

I'm kinda sick of the stare of gluttons sucking down hotcakes with a side of [rat] sausage.

You know why I look the way I do (and I'm not saying I look divine - we all have our problem areas) its simple...

I'M NOT EATING FUCKING McCDONALD'S BREAKFAST EVERY MORNING.

Nor am I eating it for lunch - or dinner.

Maybe, just maybe if you fucking ate healthier, worked out a little bit, took care of yourself you wouldn't be such a disgusting fat "get in my belly" bastard.

Put that in your pipe and eat it.

Cause honestly your going to catch me on a really bad day and I am going to shove those god damn hotcakes up your ass.

So it was super fake?

So I finally watched the hills finale (yes, yes a week late - what can I say I've been really busy) and at the end of the episode they reveal that they were on a soundstage? And Kristin wasn't really going to Europe? Nor the car she was in really moving?

What the fuck? Ok, we all knew it was somewhat fake. We have all heard the stories of scripts, editing, reshooting scenes or recreating scenes of conversations that happened off camera, fake relationships just for the drama, the list goes on and on but really a soundstage, backdrops of the Hollywood sign?

I don't like this one bit. So now I am going to have to actually by Kristen Cavalleri's book that shes "writing" to find out just how fake it was.

I don't know why I am so disappointed, I just am. I guess today is a day of disappointments left and right.

Fucking A

GAAAHHHH!

There was a fucking roach in the locker room of my fucking gym!!!!!!

What the fuckitty fuck?! Are we serious right now?! The fucking thing crawled on my god damn foot! GAAAHHHH!!! ACK ACK ACK!

I might have to quit the gym.

Ok Ok, deep breaths..we are not going to quit the gym. I mean I love spin class more than life itself (man that kinda sounds sad when I say it out loud) But still come on! A roach! A GOD DAMN ROACH!

Now see, I am deathly afraid of bugs. No seriously, deathly afraid. I freeze up, I freak out I scream like a guy getting his balls waxed for the first time. I can't move I can't kill them I shriek and scream "There's a bug! There's a bug! Kill it, KILL IT!" to anyone that is around me.

But of course when said roach crawls on my foot - my fucking foot! - there is no one there.

There are am getting ready after my shower in a towel when I feel something tickle my foot - I think it is just an itch - I lift up my foot and the fucking thing proceeds to crawl down my inner arch. GAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! I proceed to fling it off my foot kicking air and it lands on the floor. Again I am alone and now frozen in a towel, mascara wand in hand (only one eye done by the way) just staring at this, this thing that WAS ON MY FUCKING FOOT!

So I throw a towel on it, somehow was able to put mascara on the other eye all the while staring at the towel making sure it doesn't escape from the makeshift prison I put it in (because yea it sooo can't get out of a towel) threw my hair up and hightail it out of there.

I do not think my gym should have roaches. There is no food anywhere (people who work out are not eating while they are doing it) and I pay a good amount of money (as everyone else that is a member) that I would think they can have an exterminator come in from time to time.

Now I am fucking itchy all over, every little tickle I think is a fucking bug on me. Thanks a lot printing house gym!

Major fucking fail!

Life Lesson # 352

"Any day that starts off with great sex is gonna be a good one."

This is my own personal quote and for shit sure its true. My day yesterday was fucking fantastic - and yes it started off with great sex.

Don't be jealous.

I mean did he really think I was going to come running?

Sometimes I wonder what is going on in the minds of guys. Is there any sort of thinking involved when dealing with women? Or is it more like there is no filter whatsoever from mind to mouth (or text)?

Let me give you an example:

Right before the 4th of July I went on a date with a guy, had a good time, drinks then dinner to be followed by after dinner drinks and then me going home. Saturday night I get a text from him - now over a week has gone by (for those keeping track) so I have pretty much written this guy off. I figure OK he didn't have a good time ( I mean seriously how could he not? but I digress) and I will never hear from him again. So imagine my surprise when I wake up Sunday morning to a text that reads:

"Do you want to come over tonight?"

Now this text was sent at 4:09 am. So when I wake up bleary eyed I wonder; did this person expect me to come over at 4:00am? Or is he making plans for Sunday night? Because most people do not make plans at 4:00 in the fucking morning.

I'll admit I was perturbed by this text. For a few reasons, cause see, I didn't have sex with this person so why does he think that all of a sudden he can turn me into a booty call? There are certain relationships that are booty calls and start out that way - and there is nothing wrong with that - I have a couple myself which are really good sex with people I can have a conversation with afterward and there are no strings.

But this one did not start out this way. This was a date. What the fuck is this kid thinking? Maybe he wasn't. Maybe he was wasted, maybe it was a mass text, who knows but for shit sure you don't text a girl a week and a half later with the classic romantic line of "do you want to come over tonight?" I mean Jesus I was horny too Saturday night and lord did I try to get laid. In all honesty he would have totally gotten me over there if he texted at 11pm saying hello first then asking if I wanted to come over and then I would have been fine this will be just sex.

Jesus men are fucking stupid sometimes no? I mean not all but most. 98% i'll say? I have no problem being used for sex (or using people for sex) but lets not be so fucking blatant about it okay?

Would you like to hear my response? Its quality really:

"You have got to be kidding me."

Oh she definitely married him for love

Not money. No she totally married him because she loves his money..oops! i meant him! she loves him!

In case you don't know who this is, its Rupert Murdoch and his wife.

Just Say No

I've done a lot of things in my life (none of which I will be listing out here thank you very much, there are some things I probably should keep to myself) but there are certain things I feel are off limits.

Of course there are the basics - crack, being an alcoholic at 12, watching one tree hill, etc, etc. However I feel there is one thing that people don't realize should be off limits, and that is - drum roll please! - cocaine.

Now granted some may argue that there are times when cocaine is OK - such as when you are in Vegas, or you're a guy (or a girl) who has ended up in a threesome with two bi-sexual twins - I'll grant you those two but overall cocaine is NOT OK.

I mean I really don't get the point of it, you get all drunk do a few lines and your sober again. So you drop another chunk of money to get drunk all over again to then do more coke and then get sober and......it is a vicious cycle - one in which you end up in an underground poker game in spanish harlem (that is a true story for a later date.).

I must say I loose total respect for people when they say they dance with the white devil. I guess I loose respect for anyone for that matter that shoves shit up their nose. Its not a pleasant drug to do - all the snorting and the feel of coke dripping down your throat like a massive ball of snot - but overall it makes you annoying.

REALLY. FUCKING. ANNOYING.

People on coke don't shut the fuck up. They yammer on talking incessant nonsense all the while have coke breath and beady little eyes. Plus once a conversation gets interesting, they are off to the bathroom to do more.

God, waiting on a bathroom line to do a drug. That in itself should make you realize you're an idiot.

And lets not mention the limp dick that occurs in men...huh. That just made me think of something...

In any event, just say no.

You're not that important

Dear Co - workers that insist on coming into the office with the flu,

I just wanted to thank you so much for passing your flu virus onto me and getting me sick. I really fucking appreciate it. It's not like I had absolutely nothing to do over July 4th weekend.

Please note, you are not that fucking important or vital to our company that you must come in while having any form of illness. You're really not. And if you have shit going on, you can do it from home, or just instruct the people that always do your work (interns) what to do from home.

And here I thought that I couldn't seriously dislike you anymore than I did before. Boy was I wrong.

Please note, if you ever come into the office sick again you will feel my wrath.

yours truly,

x

FYI

That stupid airplane song that is from B.O.B. (who the fuck is B.O.B??? is that short for bring our beer?????) with Haley Williams from Paramore uses a sample from the Backstreet Boys "I want it that way"

Don't believe? FINE (like I am going to say something like that with any knowledge) listen to the beginning of both songs and tell me its not a sample.

question.

Chris Brown, do you think you are the new Michael Jackson?

Let me answer this...no your not. So pretty please stop acting like you are. Because at the end of the day you are a copycat woman beater piece of...