OK, technically yes it was one night, but it was two different days. Not following me? Here we go...
I met up with the old standard (I know, I know I ended that over that hellish labor day weekend but he reached out to me and as we all know... I'm an addict to him. I won't text him but if he texts me, I can't say no) on Saturday at 10pm. To my credit, I did treat him like a piece of meat (natch!) and then left for a "birthday party" - and when I say birthday party I mean the guy who has a butler (see the post below.)
Now this was the first time I was meeting the butler. I had no intention on doing anything. But.....what can I say? I'm a whore from time to time.
But when I banged butler guy it was 4am on Sunday. A totally different day. So technically its two different days right? I mean what can I say? There was no way I wasn't banging ol' standard and butler guy kinda grew on me after the first impression of - this guy is too straight for me wore off.
I mean seriously I was wearing thigh high boots. Totally pretty woman'd out. How could I not?
Yes it was bad even for me. But fuck that shit, I went 10 years with someone and had no sex. I'm having fun, taking names and making no excuse for it.
Don't hate. Congratulate.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
I know, I know...
I have been neglecting you - my avid readers of this blog. But what can I say? I have been busy. Being a single sexy girl in NYC who just got a new job doesn't really have time for blogging. But I am going to try to blog a shitload on the weekends, in between dates that is. And errands....and the gym....
So that leaves me about an hour a week to blog. OK then, lets get to it.
I'm dating a guy (and when I say dating I mean banging) who has a butler. Yep that's right, he has a butler. How sick is that!? However, he's totally kinda really not my type. He's a lawyer that has his own firm, smokes cigars (which he smokes in private cigar bars) arrives in my place in pinstripe suits and looks all American. If I saw him at a bar I would not give him a second glance.
How I met him is none of your business. But in any event he's kinda smitten with me and hot damn he's good in bed. Super kinky which is totally the opposite of his outward persona. Which is what keeps me continuing this on.
Plus, he's kinda sweet in an "I'm a lawyer with a butler borderline asshole way" and it works because I don't need anything from him monetary wise. I am under the impression that most women he comes in contact with want his money I have my own.... But dur what girl doesn't want an asshole?!
But this is not the point of the story. This is, picture this....
1:30 Sunday afternoon in the upper east side, where all the uppity stepford like wives and their douchy financial titan husbands are taking their bratty kids to brunch there comes a girl with platinum blonde hair, in Tom Ford (yes I am throwing out the Tom Ford name) sunglasses, a lace tank top, leggings and killer, I mean Killer! thigh high leather boots, tattoos blazing, holding a leather jacket and hailing a cab to get home in time to shower and clean the house before her parents came over for dinner.....
yep you guessed it, that girl was me.
Only in New York.
So that leaves me about an hour a week to blog. OK then, lets get to it.
I'm dating a guy (and when I say dating I mean banging) who has a butler. Yep that's right, he has a butler. How sick is that!? However, he's totally kinda really not my type. He's a lawyer that has his own firm, smokes cigars (which he smokes in private cigar bars) arrives in my place in pinstripe suits and looks all American. If I saw him at a bar I would not give him a second glance.
How I met him is none of your business. But in any event he's kinda smitten with me and hot damn he's good in bed. Super kinky which is totally the opposite of his outward persona. Which is what keeps me continuing this on.
Plus, he's kinda sweet in an "I'm a lawyer with a butler borderline asshole way" and it works because I don't need anything from him monetary wise. I am under the impression that most women he comes in contact with want his money I have my own.... But dur what girl doesn't want an asshole?!
But this is not the point of the story. This is, picture this....
1:30 Sunday afternoon in the upper east side, where all the uppity stepford like wives and their douchy financial titan husbands are taking their bratty kids to brunch there comes a girl with platinum blonde hair, in Tom Ford (yes I am throwing out the Tom Ford name) sunglasses, a lace tank top, leggings and killer, I mean Killer! thigh high leather boots, tattoos blazing, holding a leather jacket and hailing a cab to get home in time to shower and clean the house before her parents came over for dinner.....
yep you guessed it, that girl was me.
Only in New York.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
I guess worse things could happen?
Soooooo I have had a few mini freak outs the past two weeks about...my jeans.....
Let me explain. I have about thirty (yes thirty) pairs of jeans. And only 3 fit. Three! Did you hear me? THREE! I have upped one pant size. A full pant size! I think, I'm not fully sure, all I know is that my skinny jeans stop mid thigh. And I know what the culprit is.....spinning.
That's right spinning. As you know, I am addicted to spin. How could I not? Have you seen my ass? If not, you should. I mean, I have not heard one complaint on my ass, quite the contrary in fact....but still, A whole pants size? EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!
It's been quite the dilemma for me, I mean at the end of the day I am a girl. No girl wants to have to go up in a pants size. And true, this fall season was all about skirts and dresses, but there are times where I am going to want to wear jeans you know? So I have considered stopping spinning for a while and just run not spin at all. But if I did that you wouldn't be able to bounce a quarter off my ass....and yes granted I was too thin. I mean size 24/25? borderline anorexic. What's the harm in going to a 26?
I'll tell you the harm. Buying a shit load of jeans - and my jeans are not cheap. Seven for mankind only dears (they're the only ones that fit right ok?). Also the mental mindfuck of being a girl and having to try on a larger size - no matter what size.
Anyfatasswhoo they have changed the spin schedule at the gym and I am starting a new job on Monday so I will (at least for a little while) only be able to spin 3x a week so I have picked up running as well. I mean I gotta get my cardio in, I don't want my bum to flatten out, but honey it can't get any bigger.
My cousin has nick named me Lance - for Lance Armstrong - for all the spinning I have done. I don't find it funny, again no girl wants to go up a pant size even if it is because she is gaining muscle.
But I made my decision today on what I am going to do. It is all summed up by the following conversation that I had at the gym with my bestie Mr. Means (Mr Lawyer he doesn't care if I use his name FYI):
"So I have decided I am just going to buy all new jeans."
- me
"Well yea gurl, you're looking good, whatcha gonna stop and get all saggy ass and be too thin??"
- Mr. Means
(don't think I didn't consider this as an option, or dieting.)
"I know, I like my ass, it looks good so fuck it. New Jeans it is."
- me
American Express is going to fucking love me this weekend as will the Seven store on Bleeker.
Let me explain. I have about thirty (yes thirty) pairs of jeans. And only 3 fit. Three! Did you hear me? THREE! I have upped one pant size. A full pant size! I think, I'm not fully sure, all I know is that my skinny jeans stop mid thigh. And I know what the culprit is.....spinning.
That's right spinning. As you know, I am addicted to spin. How could I not? Have you seen my ass? If not, you should. I mean, I have not heard one complaint on my ass, quite the contrary in fact....but still, A whole pants size? EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!
It's been quite the dilemma for me, I mean at the end of the day I am a girl. No girl wants to have to go up in a pants size. And true, this fall season was all about skirts and dresses, but there are times where I am going to want to wear jeans you know? So I have considered stopping spinning for a while and just run not spin at all. But if I did that you wouldn't be able to bounce a quarter off my ass....and yes granted I was too thin. I mean size 24/25? borderline anorexic. What's the harm in going to a 26?
I'll tell you the harm. Buying a shit load of jeans - and my jeans are not cheap. Seven for mankind only dears (they're the only ones that fit right ok?). Also the mental mindfuck of being a girl and having to try on a larger size - no matter what size.
Anyfatasswhoo they have changed the spin schedule at the gym and I am starting a new job on Monday so I will (at least for a little while) only be able to spin 3x a week so I have picked up running as well. I mean I gotta get my cardio in, I don't want my bum to flatten out, but honey it can't get any bigger.
My cousin has nick named me Lance - for Lance Armstrong - for all the spinning I have done. I don't find it funny, again no girl wants to go up a pant size even if it is because she is gaining muscle.
But I made my decision today on what I am going to do. It is all summed up by the following conversation that I had at the gym with my bestie Mr. Means (Mr Lawyer he doesn't care if I use his name FYI):
"So I have decided I am just going to buy all new jeans."
- me
"Well yea gurl, you're looking good, whatcha gonna stop and get all saggy ass and be too thin??"
- Mr. Means
(don't think I didn't consider this as an option, or dieting.)
"I know, I like my ass, it looks good so fuck it. New Jeans it is."
- me
American Express is going to fucking love me this weekend as will the Seven store on Bleeker.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Of course
I go to the south and get into a tiff with a Boston Redsux fan.
Le Sigh. And no it wasn't my fault people.
So, Sunday morning after my very nice time with the southern gentleman (natch) we stopped off at a gas station so I could get water, apple juice and smokes (the essentials you know.). When this conversation went down after being ID'd;
"Soooo are you a giants or a jets fan?"
"Uh, um giants of course. It's all about, Yankees and Giants. Can't do the Met's and Jet's."
"Well it doesn't really matter since they all suck."
At this point I'm like "what the fuck?" And am about to say something when...
"You know, we really shouldn't talk shit, since our team (the Carolina panthers) ain't doing so good right now.."
- from the southern gentleman
"Yea your right, but whatever I'm from up north, from Boston and hate NY teams."
"Oh, so you are a red sux fan then?"
- me
"ha, yea I am"
" Oh yea so sorry, sux to be you."
"Whatever, you can hate all you want you're not going to win the world series this year, ya'll ain't going far."
"Oh really? Well I think we got a pretty good shot, and what about the Redsux? Oh that's right they didn't make it to the playoffs."
"Whatever blah blah blah"
I totally sashayed right out of there totally ignoring anything more he could possibly say. I mean of course I run into a Boston fan in the south. And of course he is a dick. I mean for god's sake he was really being a dick and looking for a fight with me. Me! this kid was like 3x my size, bleh whatever, he's from Boston and I guess guys from Boston feel like men when they try to get into arguments with 5'3" petite blondes.
pfft.
Le Sigh. And no it wasn't my fault people.
So, Sunday morning after my very nice time with the southern gentleman (natch) we stopped off at a gas station so I could get water, apple juice and smokes (the essentials you know.). When this conversation went down after being ID'd;
"Soooo are you a giants or a jets fan?"
"Uh, um giants of course. It's all about, Yankees and Giants. Can't do the Met's and Jet's."
"Well it doesn't really matter since they all suck."
At this point I'm like "what the fuck?" And am about to say something when...
"You know, we really shouldn't talk shit, since our team (the Carolina panthers) ain't doing so good right now.."
- from the southern gentleman
"Yea your right, but whatever I'm from up north, from Boston and hate NY teams."
"Oh, so you are a red sux fan then?"
- me
"ha, yea I am"
" Oh yea so sorry, sux to be you."
"Whatever, you can hate all you want you're not going to win the world series this year, ya'll ain't going far."
"Oh really? Well I think we got a pretty good shot, and what about the Redsux? Oh that's right they didn't make it to the playoffs."
"Whatever blah blah blah"
I totally sashayed right out of there totally ignoring anything more he could possibly say. I mean of course I run into a Boston fan in the south. And of course he is a dick. I mean for god's sake he was really being a dick and looking for a fight with me. Me! this kid was like 3x my size, bleh whatever, he's from Boston and I guess guys from Boston feel like men when they try to get into arguments with 5'3" petite blondes.
pfft.
This blonde.....
Prefers southern gentlemen.
Or Europeans. I'm over northern men. Yep over'em. So at this point all southern men need to move up to NY and all the New York men need to get the hell out of dodge.
Oh and if your wondering - hell yes I banged me a southern boy this weekend. When in the south.....
I mean come on, they open all doors for you, call you ma'am, are totally respectful while putting you in your place, won't let any other guy look at you twice, have great accents and most importantly can fuck like nobody's business.
I mean guys up north know nothing about chivalry. Its all about the little things retards! Would it kill them to let you on the elevator first? To open up a door while your carrying a million packages? (note: a southern man won't let you carry all those packages) But again most importantly, southern men fuck better. Well at least the one this weekend can. Right up there with the sexy brit (sigh, I really hate how I screwed that up) and the frenchie (who is a model - natch) and note, I just named two Europeans - not guys from NY.
Northerners are bad in bed. They are selfish. They think you should just feel lucky your being jackhammered by them (often with a tiny penis.). They have it all wrong. They should feel lucky you're in their bed (or in my world, that they are in your bed - no walks of shame for me.).
Maybe I am generalizing with northerners...maybe not. I haven't hit west coast ass - oh wait I did tiny penis (his nickname is wiener) but that could have been just a one off. Maybe its just the north east.
Who knows and who cares. I got my fix in......did you?
Or Europeans. I'm over northern men. Yep over'em. So at this point all southern men need to move up to NY and all the New York men need to get the hell out of dodge.
Oh and if your wondering - hell yes I banged me a southern boy this weekend. When in the south.....
I mean come on, they open all doors for you, call you ma'am, are totally respectful while putting you in your place, won't let any other guy look at you twice, have great accents and most importantly can fuck like nobody's business.
I mean guys up north know nothing about chivalry. Its all about the little things retards! Would it kill them to let you on the elevator first? To open up a door while your carrying a million packages? (note: a southern man won't let you carry all those packages) But again most importantly, southern men fuck better. Well at least the one this weekend can. Right up there with the sexy brit (sigh, I really hate how I screwed that up) and the frenchie (who is a model - natch) and note, I just named two Europeans - not guys from NY.
Northerners are bad in bed. They are selfish. They think you should just feel lucky your being jackhammered by them (often with a tiny penis.). They have it all wrong. They should feel lucky you're in their bed (or in my world, that they are in your bed - no walks of shame for me.).
Maybe I am generalizing with northerners...maybe not. I haven't hit west coast ass - oh wait I did tiny penis (his nickname is wiener) but that could have been just a one off. Maybe its just the north east.
Who knows and who cares. I got my fix in......did you?
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