Wow

I haven't posted in over two months....hmmmmm....stayed tuned. A shit load is around the corner....xoxo

One day

One day...I'll stop. But not now.....oh no not now....it's too much fun.

I mean come on....I get ready and go to sleep listening to Kid Cudi....

Just a little tid bit from a song that sums my life up.

"people tell me slow my roll i'm screaming out fuck that, i'm gonna do just what I want looking ahead no turning back, if I fall if I die know I lived it to the fullest, if I fall if I die know I lived it missing bullets...."

It's all about the pursuit of happiness... get yours because for damn sure I'm getting mine....

3 guys in one weekend? Sure. That's my life. Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Until someone puts me in my place or makes me stop, I'm a man eater. I make make no apologies, This is my life, I just let you in it.

Buckle up. And stay tuned.....you want to know about this weekend.

Warning

Do not take Niacin. I repeat, DO NOT TAKE NIACIN.

Why you ask? Let me tell you a little story.

A girlfriend of mine gave me a few weeks ago a list of vitamins and supplements to take. You know for your hair, detoxing, skin, blah blah blah. One of the vitamins on that list is Niacin.

On Sunday, I took one of each of the pills I ordered. About, ohhhh an hour and a half later I was in the laundry room doing my laundry when all of a sudden I got really hot. Out of no where, I felt like I was getting a heat rash. I started sweating and felt my face get all weird. I literally threw my clothes in the dryer and high tailed it out of there.

When I got to the elevator I looked in the mirror and my face was covered in sweat and looked red. It was hard to tell since the lighting was low but I could swear my face was swelling.

Oh yea it was indeed fucking swelling.

I got in my apartment, looked in the mirror and starting freaking out. My entire body was red. And I mean RED. Like a fucking lobster. And I was on fire along with being itchy as fuck. Imaging this, you sat in the sun for 5 hours without sunscreen and then proceeded to take a hot shower scrubbing yourself with a brillo pad.

That's exactly how I felt. Fun right?

Let's also not forget my face. It was so swollen I couldn't see my lips. (oh you don't think that is possible? Well it is.)

What do I do? Of course I call my mother. As I am freaking out and saying I need to go to the hospital she is saying this is some chemical warfare / gas leak shit (since 9/11 it's always borderline terrorism with her.).

So she instructs me to put a cold washcloth on my face, take a cold shower then put teabags on my eyes - you know to draw out the chemicals - and call her back in 10 minutes. I do this then lift the tea bags and my vision is blurred. I call her:

"I can't see. My vision is blurred."

"Ok, well did you press down hard on the tea bags over your eyes?"

"What? I dunno! Yes, no, maybe? I'm freaking out here! I have to go to the hospital! I mean all I have had today is a muscle milk (for the protein - natch) and vitamins."

"Wait - vitamins?"

I proceed to list out all the vitamins I took. She immediately gets on the computer and starts searching (side note - no one can search on the internet like my mom.).

"Can you breathe?"

"Yes"

"Is your stomach ok?"

"Yes"

"Ok, stay calm and relax."

"Do you think I can smoke a cigarette? That will calm me down."

"If you can breathe, yes."

Come to find out, I am having an allergic reaction to Niacin - somewhat. Somewhat you ask? Yes somewhat. Because, see, Niacin should make you flush in the skin, but, you really should only take 50mg a day. Me? I took 500mg. (what? thats all they had on GNC)

I now have to go to the pharmacy (thank god it is on the corner of my street) to get Benedryll (I have no idea how to spell that, and I am sooooo over spell check right now.). I of course keep her on the phone with me.

So here I am in Duane Reade ripping open a box of pills before I pay and pound down 3.

It worked. Though I was still a little pink Monday morning. And the weirdest part, this happened to my Aunt a week prior. You would think though this little story of hers would come up during our daily phone call. Would have saved me the trouble.

Umm actually?

Scratch that last post. It was 4 guys in 3 days....

Now, I didn't lie and regret lying to you all - it is because I sent the previous post prior to guy #4 coming over.

It was not planned at all. I swear! Seriously! But I had no choice it was the corn husker. Yes he has a real name but I am certainly not going to use it here. Duh. The corn husker and I started seeing each other literally the Monday after Thanksgiving weekend. He then left for Iowa right before Christmas and then came back for a day to then leave again for Colombia for New Year's.

He came back on Friday. Totally extended his trip. Who wouldn't? If you own your own company you can do things like that. He came over and spent the night.

Now here's the thing. Yea I want the ex to be my boyfriend but I want corn husker to be it more so. He is soooooo much more my type. 6'3" 200lbs built like a linebacker, lond, roman nose.... I mean come on.

And plus I hadn't heard from him for 3 weeks so I wrote him off to focus on the ex. And now I am at a crossroads.....

Who do I focus my attention on more?

Oh who am I kidding, I will give them the same amount of attention until one tells me they want to be my boyfriend. And while I am doing that will proceed to see whats out there that is better.

This is reminding me of a conversation I had last night....more on that later.

Yep. It's confirmed.

I'm a whore. 3 guys 3 days? I think that qualifies.

But don't worry, 2 of which I will bang again. The ex, and the ol' standard. The ex I want to be my boyfriend. The ol' standard I could never be in a relationship with. I have in the past wanted one with him, but he is not the person for me. He is the person I will hold onto until I am forced to let him go.

Even if I went into a relationship with the ex, I am not sure if I would end it with him - the ol' standard that is. It would take a hell of a lot to give him up. Like a proposal. He truly is the best.

Why is he the best you ask?

He is the best for a few reasons....

He is sexy as hell (in my opinion, I really don't care what you think.)
I can have an honest conversation with him without hurting feelings.
He is fucking amazing in bed. No joke.
He expects nothing from me, wants only one thing from me. And its the same thing I want from him. And neither of us judge each other of that fact.

Did I mention he is sexy as hell and amazing in bed? I might have, but I feel the need to reinforce it.

Oh and P.S.

I think this weekend is a weekend of sex with 3 guys in 3 days......bad? No. Well..... Maybe....I think even I am getting tired of my antics.

I banged non Aussie last night. I am having dinner again with the ex tonight - so that will end up in sex (really really good sex fyi) and I am getting my tattoo finished tomorrow.....my tat artist is my weakness...we know this. Plus I told him in a moment of weakness not to book any appts after me so we can....well....you know........

But I really like the ex. I want him to be my Valentine. Sappy? Yes, definitely. But come on...I'm tired of this shit.

The shit of running through men, treating men like they treat women.....

But then again....my life is fun. :)

I kinda have to stop doing things like this....

I have no choice but to blog about last night. Even I deserve to be judged from time to time. And this morning, the first thing that popped into my head the moment I woke up was "I kinda have to stop doing things like this..."

Shall I explain?

So, last night I went out with one of my best friends. We decided to do a bar crawl/manhunt excursion. We went to hudson bar and books, 5th and 9, Pastis, Dos Caminos and then the last bar....I have no idea where or what it was.

Our plan was to go to Meat Packing but we first stopped off at Hudson Bar and Books because we were walking and it was cold. Plus I can smoke there - natch. We had a few drinks, commiserated, caught up then decided to move on because there were no cute boys there. Plus it was too smokey (even for me.). We then hit 5th and 9. That place was kinda dead. I went there once on a Tuesday and it was more happening. It was filled with bridge and tunnel couples - ick. We decided to have one drink and leave for another bar. Our decision was set in stone when the UES chick came in wearing UGHboots and a fur coat. I of course pointed and laughed (which the bartender totally appreciated but the chick not so much.).

Next stop - Pastis. Which I fucking hate. probably because when I worked two blocks away I went there daily for lunch, but, mainly because they don't have southern comfort. But my friend? She loves it. So we go, snag two seats at the bar and have a glass of champagne. Well she drinks mine - I told her to pound them both so we could move on. When we get up a guy comes up to us from the table right next to us and says "where you guys going? We were having a good time looking at your tattoos."

Now for those that don't know me, I sport a good amount of ink. So I get shit like this a lot. Mostly I don't mind unless it's some pudgy guy that's not cute. I say "we're leaving and moving on." To which the two other guys he was with are like "why?! stay! sit with us and have dinner!"

Now see, one guy? He was an Aussie. If you have an accent I'm dead in the water. The other guy was pretty cute as well, but Aussie accent? I'm all over it. We start chatting and I explain I am leaving because they don't have my drink of choice. The cute non Aussie (we will proceed in this story to call him non Aussie as I have no recollection of his name - but wait it gets worse) states that he will go to another bar get a bottle of soco and bring it to Pastis so we can have dinner with them. I say "go right ahead and try, but it ain't gonna happen." He comes back and surprise! no soco. But he was close, the bartender was going to let him have it but the bouncer said no.

I say - to the Aussie "we are going to Dos Caminos, come meet us there after you eat."

We move on to Dos Caminos, I start ordering food (hey I'm like 9 drinks in at this point) and my friend and I make a bet on whether or not the 3 guys will meet us there. I say no she says yes.

Well she won.

They come we have some drinks. Come to find out from the pudgy friend, the Aussie is married with a kid.

Huh? Really? Interesting. This is why its interesting......

Mother fucker tried to kiss me! At Dos Caminos! And normally I would have absolutely no problem making out at a bar, but, could I maybe know you for more than 10 minutes? He would have totally went home with either of us. Hands down I would win - and not because I'm better looking its just because....well....see.....

I'm the girl you fuck, she's the girl you take home to mom. And I swear its because of my tattoos...and plus....well.....I'm a slut muffin. I don't want to meet your mom.

So once I find this info out, Aussie is totesfugs to me. Non Aussie has been talking to me the whole time, so I start giving him more attention. He was in banking, made a shitload of money and is now basically retired living in Switzerland writing a book about some Italian guy. Oh and he's 36.

After I hear this, I gotta be honest - he's even better looking (at the time). What? You wouldn't think so? If you say no - you're lying.

We then move on to another bar - which one? I have no idea. All I know is they were playing salsa music and I was thisclose to getting into a fight. I wound up making out with non Aussie. My friend and the Aussie left and I proceed to take non Aussie home with me.

Well, fucking duh. Of course I take him home with me, I mean this is what I do. Is this shocking to you? I make absolutely no excuses nor do I condone or regret my behavior.

Welllllllll...kinda...hence my morning afterthought of "I kinda have to stop doing things like this..."

I don't know his name. At all. Tim? Tom? Who fucking knows. Who cares? Not me that's for damn sure. But non Aussie knows I am going to Milan next week and wants to meet me there. We woke up at 10 and the fucker didn't leave until noon.

Seriously? Now, I'm trying to be nice. But please could you get the fuck out? Seriously? You live in Switzerland. I even said it. I said the words "we will never see each other again." The response I got was, "Why not? I will meet you in Milan and I come to the states every month and you can spend your weekends in the Alps."

Ummmmmmm.......yeahhhhhh......I don't ski. And I am certainly not flying 8 hours (both ways) to go to the Alps, when I don't ski. For someone that the next morning is too short for me (5'8" people!)

He asked me how to get in touch with me...I gave him a fake email and cell#. What? I don't want to see him again. Especially - and yes this is weird - after he made my bed.

I don't know why that turned me off. Well yes I do. That makes him a nice guy and I don't like nice guys.....I like assholes. I need a guy that is a nice asshole.

Do they make those? Maybe. We will find out tonight.

Pure Genius.

Now this? Pure Genius. Seriously. Click here and enjoy.

You. Are. A. Douche.

The above picture is that of a douche. A female douche, one who thinks we live in a world called "Top Gun" and she is "Maverick."

I got this sweet shot at brunch on Sunday. Brunch in itself was a shit show - more on that later - I mean that's what brunch is, but this one took it to a whole new level.

She was at the restaurant for about ohhhhh 1-1/2 hours, and the entire time she kept her sunglasses on. Now she wasn't blind - there was no cane, seeing eye dog or someone escorting her around. She was moving from the bar to table and reading the menu and eating on her own. So I was able to rule out blindness pretty quickly.

She is also not an actress, or someone that needs to keep her identity a secret like catwoman.

No she is none of these things, she is just a douche. Someone that thinks they are too cool for school, or thinks that they are so beautiful that the moment she takes off her sunglasses all eyes will be on her and she will have to flee for her safety because girls and boys alike would not stop hounding her for her number, autograph or, well whatever. Who cares.

And not to mention the fact that she is a douche she looked like a bitchy douche. She didn't smile once or really speak to the people she was with. Like she was sooooo over brunch.

Please. You know the bitch was massively hungover and didn't have time to put on some eye cream or mascara.

Let this be a lesson to you all. Sunglasses (along with hats) are not meant to be worn inside. You do that you look like an asshole. Especially if you are a girl. I don't know why but it's just more assholey if you are a girl.

I wouldn't stop pointing and laughing (a half a bottle of soco will do that to you) and me and my girl friend kept talking loudly about maverick and iceman which is probably why she didn't smile but do I care? Nope. You walk into a restaurant and don't take off your sunglasses you're totally asking for it.

I tried to get my friend to walk over and act like she was Natalie Portman. To say something to the effect of "I really hope you win at the globes on Sunday." But she wouldn't do it.

Oh well, I think our laughter was enough to get her to eat as quickly as possible and hightail it out of there.

All in a days work.

Oh and P.S. Adrien Brody was at the same restaurant, no sunglasses, no hiding. He was out there for the whole to see...and side note? He's kinda hot. I never thought he was but in person.....I'd hit that in a hot minute.

How many dates can one have in one business week? - Date Three

Ok, so I have recapped date one and two, now we move on to date three....This one again falls under category #3 - It went well, I would do a second date and see where it goes....

I actually arrived on time for this one, it was him that was late. But not by much. 5 minutes actually. Which gave me time to check out the bar which was packed. When he got there we decided to go someplace else - Cowgirl to be exact.

As soon as we walked in I saw two of my friends at the first table. Neither of which I have seen in a couple of weeks. The moment I saw them I thought to myself "I wish I walked in alone as I rather hang out with them instead of being on a date." It was nothing against my date but the fact that I haven't seen them in forever and we needed to catch up.

We wound up sitting with them and went on having drinks and dinner. It was actually good to be on the date with them. They gave him the third degree (as any friend would do in that situation) and he handled it very well. They asked him all the questions I would have and I just sat back and listened to the answers.

My friends left at 11 and we wound up staying for another drink then splitting a cab home - well he actually lives in the UWS so we went to my destination first and he then went all the way home.

He didn't have to work the next day and wanted me to take him back to my place - I gracefully declined. Shocker right? The is not my MO at all. Well its a new year and to get into my pants its gonna take minimum 3 dates. If I just met you that is.

He was a really good kisser (we made out the entire cab ride home) which is promising. We have texted a bit back and forth since and are trying to set a second date...which I will do but I think after date four I am going to put my effort into someone else......

How many dates can one have in one business week? - Date Two

Ok, so if you don't know what this is all about see the post below it'll all make sense then. This is a recap of date #2 which was last night. This one again falls under category #3 - It went well, I would do a second date and see where it goes....

I of course was 10 minutes late (per usual) and met up with bachelor #3 at a bar in the LES. Correction - a wine bar in the LES. As soon as I realized it was a wine bar I was not happy and you know why I wasn't happy.

If you don't (I honestly don't know how you found this blog) it is because I only drink one thing. Say it with me now - Southern Comfort!

But, I didn't say anything, so I ordered a glass of Chardonnay (very waspy I know) and we ordered some tapas (fancy talk for appetizers.). He was very nice, good conversation...were there sparks? A little, we did kiss at the bar and outside before I got in a cab. He was a good kisser, but a biter. Now, I have no problem with biting, but he was a little too rough on my bottom lip, not a fan of that.

I will see him again, for a second date, but not sure if it would go further than that. I mean, he is nice looking but....I dunno I guess I am really picky and want to look at the person I am with and think they are the cutest thing ever (in my opinion, not yours, it's not like I am expecting a Brad Pitt look-a-like though that would be nice) and I don't think he's got it. But I will not pass too much judgment..... yet. Though I will not be asking him for a second date, if he asks me out I will take him up on the offer.

Bachelor #1 is totally ahead in the game vs. bachelor #2. So that means that #2 will be up my ass and I will never hear from #1 again.

So now we are on to #3. Which is tonight. Again, I was going to cancel, as I am so fucking tired it's borderline retarded. So much so I came home to chill instead of going to spin (which btw is making me feel like a 400 lb gorilla) so that I could have some energy tonight.

Bachelor #3 also suggested a wine bar which makes me ask the question - do all men think women just drink fucking wine???? Once I realized it was wine and beer only, I sent a text stating I only drink whiskey and could we change the venue. I was worried I would offend him.

I did not. But I decided if he was, then he wasn't for me. I mean seriously, any guy that can't handle a girl that drinks whiskey is a pussy. Plus someone (a security guard in my building) told me (after I said I asked to change locations) that if I said I wanted to drink vodka in the back of a volkswagon upside down with no socks on he would say "what time should I be there?"

Bachelor #3 changed locations as he doesn't want me to be thirsty (or probably thinks drinking whiskey will get me in his bed...nuh uh) so now we are going to a scottish scotch bar. Hmmmmm.... I hope they have my drink of choice. Wouldn't it be funny if we go there, I don't like anything they have and I ordered wine? hahahahahhhaa - but see that is actually something I would do.

I never said I make sense. I just said I'm not a sociopath.

How many dates can one have in one business week? - Date One

If you're me you can have four - Tuesday - Friday. Monday of course was a day of rest. I have First dates Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and dinner with an....I guess you could say ex? On Friday. Since the first week of 2010 is now being dubbed "date week" I figure I should post about each one.

First dates can be summarized in three ways:

1- OMG i'm obsessed and want to totally see him again, numerous times
2- Never again, I busted out ASAP
3- It went well, I would do a second date and see where it goes.

Date one - Last night (Tuesday people)

This falls under category #3. It went well. There wasn't immediate sparks, but there is definitely potential (for what? who knows? Candy? Sex? Free dinners? Ok the last one I wouldn't do) and I would do a second date and see what goes from there. A summary:

We met up at 8:30 I came directly from spin (fucking duh!) and found him waiting for me at the dive bar of my choice. Now, I always arrive 10 minutes late. Why? I don't really know, I just do. Unless, I have met the person when I am drunk and don't really remember what they look like. I then arrive 10 minutes early, sit at the bar and focus on my IPhone so that they come to me.

We had good conversation over 6 drinks and stayed until last call which was about 1ish. He runs an hedge fund but is not a blue shirt. At all. Quite the opposite in fact, he has more of a surfer personality. Super laid back and hard to read (remember that bit.). I peppered him with questions about hedge funds as I am totally blonde to that whole world and I am proud to say that now I can explain to anyone what a hedge fund is (somewhat, I mean the basic summary, lets be honest, all that shit is greek to me.).

He was impressed with the amount of whiskey I could drink without eating and not getting drunk. I had to inform him numerous times that I am indeed Irish. I mean that counts for something no? After drink 3 he insisted on getting motzerella sticks (new years eve raw food only diet? goodbye!) but it was a good choice.

There were no huge sparky sparks, but he was nice a good conversationalist and was interested in what I do, my life, blah blah blah, all that good shit. But as I said, he was hard to read, so that is probably why I am into the second date.

See, I am the type either you love me or hate me. And with guys I can tell right away what they think of me, within, ohhhhh I would say 10 minutes. This one I had no idea. I guessed at one point (around the 11:30 mark) he was having fun and into me since he didn't try to bolt (i'm pretty perceptive at times) and wanted to have another drink (which became drinks) but still...

You know how sometimes you go out on a date and you don't quite know how to get out of it? No? Shit I do, I have been there a few times - in my early dating days when I didn't want to be mean (hence why I have the emergency phone call back up now) - so I was thinking that maybe this was the case for him.

I digress, kinda... so we leave smoke a cig and need to get cabs. I get the first cab and...wait for it....wait for it.....

I got a kiss on the cheek! The CHEEK!!!!

WTF? The cheek? No no no I don't get the cheek, especially after being on a date for 5 hours.

He texted me when he got home to make sure I got home ok and to apologize for his lameness of not kissing me (points for him.). Now, I get why he didn't , the whole time we were together we were thinking he was getting the flu and he didn't want to recontaminate me (double points) but still, the cheek? That's kinda bizarre to me, but then again, I am a slut muffin.

He has already texted me through out the day, so I will definitely see him again, but then he did something I wasn't that into.

He friend requested me on facebook.

Hmm.....really? I accepted the request (did I mention I want a second date) but when I accepted the request I murmured to myself - "just someone I will have to defriend after I run through them."

Is it bad that I want a second date but already think I will probably ruin it or run through him at some point? Probably, but who knows? Maybe this time it will be different?

Who am I kidding? This is my second job (dating people) I know what will happen like clockwork.

Oh well, on to date two which starts in 1 1/2 hours. I was actually going to cancel because I was so fucking tired this morning but then I remembered... he is cuter then bachelor #1 and is 6 feet. You know how I am with tall cute men. They are my kryptonite. I hope to be home by 11:30 tonight, I need to work out tomorrow morning.

I'll keep you posted. But if he's cute, I'm out till 1am and not working out tomorrow am.

Place your bets.