Keep on hating.

Every morning I walk by a McDonald's after I get off the train and I do my sad walk to the office - yes sad - who the fuck wants to work? - and I feel hate eyes on me.

You know what I am talking about. When you can feel eyes on you - eyes which sometimes you can feel emotion - that are just hating....

Yes the hating eyes of the fat, trashy, diabetes, two seconds away from a heart attack fucktards - hating because I look better then them.

Oh so sorry I am a fit cute chick. Sooooo fucking sorry.

I'm kinda sick of the stare of gluttons sucking down hotcakes with a side of [rat] sausage.

You know why I look the way I do (and I'm not saying I look divine - we all have our problem areas) its simple...

I'M NOT EATING FUCKING McCDONALD'S BREAKFAST EVERY MORNING.

Nor am I eating it for lunch - or dinner.

Maybe, just maybe if you fucking ate healthier, worked out a little bit, took care of yourself you wouldn't be such a disgusting fat "get in my belly" bastard.

Put that in your pipe and eat it.

Cause honestly your going to catch me on a really bad day and I am going to shove those god damn hotcakes up your ass.

So it was super fake?

So I finally watched the hills finale (yes, yes a week late - what can I say I've been really busy) and at the end of the episode they reveal that they were on a soundstage? And Kristin wasn't really going to Europe? Nor the car she was in really moving?

What the fuck? Ok, we all knew it was somewhat fake. We have all heard the stories of scripts, editing, reshooting scenes or recreating scenes of conversations that happened off camera, fake relationships just for the drama, the list goes on and on but really a soundstage, backdrops of the Hollywood sign?

I don't like this one bit. So now I am going to have to actually by Kristen Cavalleri's book that shes "writing" to find out just how fake it was.

I don't know why I am so disappointed, I just am. I guess today is a day of disappointments left and right.

Fucking A

GAAAHHHH!

There was a fucking roach in the locker room of my fucking gym!!!!!!

What the fuckitty fuck?! Are we serious right now?! The fucking thing crawled on my god damn foot! GAAAHHHH!!! ACK ACK ACK!

I might have to quit the gym.

Ok Ok, deep breaths..we are not going to quit the gym. I mean I love spin class more than life itself (man that kinda sounds sad when I say it out loud) But still come on! A roach! A GOD DAMN ROACH!

Now see, I am deathly afraid of bugs. No seriously, deathly afraid. I freeze up, I freak out I scream like a guy getting his balls waxed for the first time. I can't move I can't kill them I shriek and scream "There's a bug! There's a bug! Kill it, KILL IT!" to anyone that is around me.

But of course when said roach crawls on my foot - my fucking foot! - there is no one there.

There are am getting ready after my shower in a towel when I feel something tickle my foot - I think it is just an itch - I lift up my foot and the fucking thing proceeds to crawl down my inner arch. GAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! I proceed to fling it off my foot kicking air and it lands on the floor. Again I am alone and now frozen in a towel, mascara wand in hand (only one eye done by the way) just staring at this, this thing that WAS ON MY FUCKING FOOT!

So I throw a towel on it, somehow was able to put mascara on the other eye all the while staring at the towel making sure it doesn't escape from the makeshift prison I put it in (because yea it sooo can't get out of a towel) threw my hair up and hightail it out of there.

I do not think my gym should have roaches. There is no food anywhere (people who work out are not eating while they are doing it) and I pay a good amount of money (as everyone else that is a member) that I would think they can have an exterminator come in from time to time.

Now I am fucking itchy all over, every little tickle I think is a fucking bug on me. Thanks a lot printing house gym!

Major fucking fail!

Life Lesson # 352

"Any day that starts off with great sex is gonna be a good one."

This is my own personal quote and for shit sure its true. My day yesterday was fucking fantastic - and yes it started off with great sex.

Don't be jealous.

I mean did he really think I was going to come running?

Sometimes I wonder what is going on in the minds of guys. Is there any sort of thinking involved when dealing with women? Or is it more like there is no filter whatsoever from mind to mouth (or text)?

Let me give you an example:

Right before the 4th of July I went on a date with a guy, had a good time, drinks then dinner to be followed by after dinner drinks and then me going home. Saturday night I get a text from him - now over a week has gone by (for those keeping track) so I have pretty much written this guy off. I figure OK he didn't have a good time ( I mean seriously how could he not? but I digress) and I will never hear from him again. So imagine my surprise when I wake up Sunday morning to a text that reads:

"Do you want to come over tonight?"

Now this text was sent at 4:09 am. So when I wake up bleary eyed I wonder; did this person expect me to come over at 4:00am? Or is he making plans for Sunday night? Because most people do not make plans at 4:00 in the fucking morning.

I'll admit I was perturbed by this text. For a few reasons, cause see, I didn't have sex with this person so why does he think that all of a sudden he can turn me into a booty call? There are certain relationships that are booty calls and start out that way - and there is nothing wrong with that - I have a couple myself which are really good sex with people I can have a conversation with afterward and there are no strings.

But this one did not start out this way. This was a date. What the fuck is this kid thinking? Maybe he wasn't. Maybe he was wasted, maybe it was a mass text, who knows but for shit sure you don't text a girl a week and a half later with the classic romantic line of "do you want to come over tonight?" I mean Jesus I was horny too Saturday night and lord did I try to get laid. In all honesty he would have totally gotten me over there if he texted at 11pm saying hello first then asking if I wanted to come over and then I would have been fine this will be just sex.

Jesus men are fucking stupid sometimes no? I mean not all but most. 98% i'll say? I have no problem being used for sex (or using people for sex) but lets not be so fucking blatant about it okay?

Would you like to hear my response? Its quality really:

"You have got to be kidding me."

Oh she definitely married him for love

Not money. No she totally married him because she loves his money..oops! i meant him! she loves him!

In case you don't know who this is, its Rupert Murdoch and his wife.

Just Say No

I've done a lot of things in my life (none of which I will be listing out here thank you very much, there are some things I probably should keep to myself) but there are certain things I feel are off limits.

Of course there are the basics - crack, being an alcoholic at 12, watching one tree hill, etc, etc. However I feel there is one thing that people don't realize should be off limits, and that is - drum roll please! - cocaine.

Now granted some may argue that there are times when cocaine is OK - such as when you are in Vegas, or you're a guy (or a girl) who has ended up in a threesome with two bi-sexual twins - I'll grant you those two but overall cocaine is NOT OK.

I mean I really don't get the point of it, you get all drunk do a few lines and your sober again. So you drop another chunk of money to get drunk all over again to then do more coke and then get sober and......it is a vicious cycle - one in which you end up in an underground poker game in spanish harlem (that is a true story for a later date.).

I must say I loose total respect for people when they say they dance with the white devil. I guess I loose respect for anyone for that matter that shoves shit up their nose. Its not a pleasant drug to do - all the snorting and the feel of coke dripping down your throat like a massive ball of snot - but overall it makes you annoying.

REALLY. FUCKING. ANNOYING.

People on coke don't shut the fuck up. They yammer on talking incessant nonsense all the while have coke breath and beady little eyes. Plus once a conversation gets interesting, they are off to the bathroom to do more.

God, waiting on a bathroom line to do a drug. That in itself should make you realize you're an idiot.

And lets not mention the limp dick that occurs in men...huh. That just made me think of something...

In any event, just say no.

You're not that important

Dear Co - workers that insist on coming into the office with the flu,

I just wanted to thank you so much for passing your flu virus onto me and getting me sick. I really fucking appreciate it. It's not like I had absolutely nothing to do over July 4th weekend.

Please note, you are not that fucking important or vital to our company that you must come in while having any form of illness. You're really not. And if you have shit going on, you can do it from home, or just instruct the people that always do your work (interns) what to do from home.

And here I thought that I couldn't seriously dislike you anymore than I did before. Boy was I wrong.

Please note, if you ever come into the office sick again you will feel my wrath.

yours truly,

x

FYI

That stupid airplane song that is from B.O.B. (who the fuck is B.O.B??? is that short for bring our beer?????) with Haley Williams from Paramore uses a sample from the Backstreet Boys "I want it that way"

Don't believe? FINE (like I am going to say something like that with any knowledge) listen to the beginning of both songs and tell me its not a sample.

question.

Chris Brown, do you think you are the new Michael Jackson?

Let me answer this...no your not. So pretty please stop acting like you are. Because at the end of the day you are a copycat woman beater piece of...

I can't believe this is true

I read in the elevator today (on the little TV from captivate) that 58% of women would give there phone number to an average joe if there is romantic music playing.

Ok, now, when I hear the term "average joe" I think ugly. And no amount of romantic music in the world would get any woman to give her number to an "average joe." Seriously. Furthermore, I would assume this would go on in a bar, and bars aren't normally playing romantic music.

What bars do though is serve alcohol. Lots of it. So I am thinking that what this should have said is:

58% of women would give there phone number to an average joe if they are drunk, or 2 drinks away from drunkdom.

The only time music would be a factor is if said woman and average joe are at a rave and she is on 2 tabs of X.

Get with it captivate.

If you don't want to hear the answer

Don't ask me the fucking question.

Don't ask me if you should date a married man, because the answer is going to be a big hell to the fucking no.

This is the question that was asked to me at the gym today. From a woman that is always in the locker room when I am getting ready after spin chatting about her love life. The woman is a serial dater, constantly trying to find Mr. Right. Going on dating sites (i think she is on 3 of them), begging friends and family to set up up with men, etc, etc.

She was talking about this one guy and her friends were like, "no, no, no.."

Curious I pop my head over to where they are and say "so what loser did you date now?" She proceeds to give me the full details on him - he sounds pretty great..then she tells me he's married...pfft. Idiot.

"What do you think? Should I date him?"

I explain, no you can't do that. How can you even ask that question thinking any woman would support you? That is disrespectful to woman everywhere. Yes all is fair in love and war, but once someone gets married they are off limits (yes sometimes fiances are fair game), think about the other woman would you want that to be you? A random fuck maybe, but a relationship??

I was told then, "well he is leaving his wife for me! You don't understand!"

I stared blankly for a second, a long second, let her suck in my "your a fucking idiot" face. I then replied "enjoy a relationship of secrets and misery, hiding and hotel rooms, to eventually be left on the side of the road when he tells you he is staying with his wife. That is what pretty much always happens."

The response I got was classic: "bitch."

"That may be true, but I rather be a bitch than a fucking moron who is a disgrace to women everywhere, dontcha think? If you don't want to hear the answer, don't ask me the fucking question."

One less person to say hello too. So sad.

Stupidest conversation I heard all week

Now yes it is early in the week so I am sure that I will overhear something stupider at some point but for now this is crowned the stupidest of the week.

I was walking to get lunch the other day and this woman, I mean mammoth, no no let me be nice - big (very big) lady says the following:

"I only have one pair of heels, and I spent $80 on them, the most I have ever spent on shoes."

Lets break down this sentence in two parts:

#1 - "I only have one pair of heels"

What. the. fuck. Seriously, what. the. fuck. How do you have only one pair of heels?? ONE?? And let me guess their ugly and black and go with nothing (or for you everything.). Minimum # of heels one woman should have is 15. BARE MINIMUM. I don't know, maybe her ankles would break under the 300lbs + weight they would have to support. But still doesn't she know heels are slimming?

#2 - "I spent $80 on them, the most I have ever spent on shoes."

Le sigh. Le fucking sigh. Really? Where the fuck are you shopping for all of your shoes?? Payless? I mean sure you can hit a good sale from time to time, but that is the most, EVER? $80?


Jesus, well I guess she rolls out the dough for food and not important things like shoes or clothes.

Granted this all came out of the mouth of a 300+lb reebook and acid wash jeans wearing chick so I guess it makes sense. But I think if she spent some money on shoes (or non acid wash jeans) she would start taking care of herself and want nicer things that only come in small sizes..

Who am I kidding? she'll be buried in that outfit.

This is why I am a full supported of having a real deal fashion police.

Haven't they created a less lethal formula yet?

I do not understand with all the advances we have made in the scientific community that no one has been able to create a tile cleaner that doesn't borderline on poison.

This shit makes me not want to clean my bathroom.

I mean there is no way around it, you have to clean the shower tiles because no matter what mildew grows on them. But Jesus Christ one spray and i'm tasting this shit all day long.

Is this really the only product that can do this? Is there no way they can maybe put in alittle less rat poison, arsenic and hydrochloric acid and alittle more water?

I mean fuck if need be I'll scrub harder.

Scratch that

Soooo don't want the boy from Thursday calling me. I've totally moved on to the sexy brit from last night, he's totally my cup of tea. Yes I have maybe a touch of A.D.D when it comes to men, but so what?

Where am I?

Ever wake up after 2 hours of sleep, stretch out, open your eyes and say to yourself, "That's not my wall", look in another direction and think again "That's not my wall either" bolt upright and think; "What the fuck? Where am I?"

And then you remember, Ooohhh yea....ummmm.. guess I kinda passed out after....

Yea that was me this morning.

It doesn't shame me to tell you this. In fact I'm pretty damn proud of myself. And I think, fuck, any woman over 30 who can get a 25 year old Irish bartender to bring them home after about 1 hour of chatting should feel proud of themselves too.

There is no shame in getting some tail kiddies. Everyone needs to get in on some action and hey my regular guy was busy. I had to improvise.

And sometimes improvisation leads you to a Irish bar in times square at 3am and has you leaving with a really cute bartender at 4:30 in the morning.

I insisted I wasn't going to go home with him, just was going to walk him home since I was awake..who the hell was I kidding? Like a 6ft tall guy needs a 5'3" bodyguard. Yeah I guess I didn't believe it when it came out of my mouth either. Oh well...it was totally worth it..

I wonder if I will hear from him again? Probably not. Why? Oh because I would totally hit that again. If I didn't want to ever see him again her would have called and texted me 10 times already.

Uh no. Just no.

Um excuse me...John Mayer?

Hi how are you? Good? That's great, I don't really care.

I'm just here to let you know one little thing. "The situation" you are not. You have no business lifting up your shirt for a camera. Especially when you are standing next to someone who is rocking a 12 pack.

Now at one point I know you were looking pretty good, somewhat svelte no? Because, for a fleeting moment I was thinking I would totally bang you.

Well...now...not on your life. You better get back to GTL'ing.

Funniest Shit I heard all day

"You touch her again I'll fucking kill you."

Now, I will explain why this is so funny so you don't think that I think killing is funny.

I am on my way home today on the C train (which is short hand for Crazy train) and all of a sudden I hear "You touch her again I'll fucking kill you." I turn my head super quick, expecting to find out some guy mistakenly macked on a gang banger's girlfriend.

Boy was I wrong.

The above statement was said by some crazy as hell drunken black man (well most likely more drunk than crazy) to a unsuspecting white kid - who was touching his own girlfriend!

Crazy man got up out of his seat staggered across to the couple shook his paper in the kid's face and then threatened him with death. If - IF the kid touched his own girlfriend. He then staggered back to his seat (a fantastic feat considering he was on the verge of blacking out and the train was actually moving fast for a change) and proceeded to death look the kid the entire time (that is in between his eyes forcibly closing on him.)

(side note: I say kid but he was probably 25... to me that's a kid)

Everyone on the train stopped what they were doing immediately and were silent. The kid looked like he was going to pee his pants - i think he did a little. Seriously he was fucking scared shitless...the fear of death was clear on his face. The girlfriend was going to actually say something (what the hell was she going to say I wonder?) but he quickly stopped her. I don't think he was a fan of possibly dying this night.

What did I do? I laughed out loud. I nice hearty HA-HA! The whole scene was ridiculously funny - to me at least. That caused everyone to look at me thinking I was next to get a death threat or maybe even get killed.

Not so people, crazy man looked up at me and slowly, he smiled...then looked away towards his prey to continue on with the death stare.

It was completely and utterly genius.

Music Monday!

I've dubbed Monday to now be called Music Monday! YAY! Music Monday!

You know what this means? Every Monday I will tell you about a new song (or songs), album, video, oh hell I don't need to spell it out for you do I?

Well maybe I do. Le sigh.

This Monday I am going to tell you about a new album - The National's High Violet.

I'm not going to go into a long winded description about the album you want that, read Rolling Stone.

I'm just going to tell you that its a really good album and you should check it out. I don't listen to crap music, everything in my library is worth checking out. So get on it.

Now fans of The National will say that this is their weakest album. That their first two albums (Alligator and Boxer) are much stronger. I tend to disagree. This is the best of the three. Yes it is somewhat of a change then what they usually do, but its a good progression and a nice change. I have all three albums, the first two are just OK for me. High Violet is in heavy rotation and will remain that way for a long time.

Best song on the album you ask? I believe it's Sorrow. Followed by Bloodbuzz Ohio.

So get on it.

Thanks BP!

Hey there BP! How the hell are you? Are you having fun destroying all the wildlife in the gulf? Killing the ecosystem? Putting fisherman out of work? Making pretty much all the water and beaches from Louisiana to possibly New York nothing but muck and tar? Ruining people's lives and more importantly my summer at the beach?

I sure as hell hope so. I would think you are since your not actually trying to fucking stop it.

Lets see now how much has leaked? 39 million gallons? I'm going with a whole lot more than that since you have been lying from the get go as to how much was coming out each day. But still 39 million? Hot damn! that's a lot of money your losing. Now wonder you not actually trying to cap off the fucker but trying to fix it so that you can keep what's left and sell it.

We all know you can stop it. You just are too greedy to do it.

So thanks again! And while your enjoying the fact that this spill is worse than the exxon valdez tragedy you can go fuck yourself.

Has hell frozen over?

Apparently yes. Yes it has.

This past Saturday night, right wing conservative radio host - and all around crazy bastard - Rush Limbaugh got married for the 4th time - i'm sorry 4th? How the hell is this fat, homophobe, racist fuck finding 4 separate women to marry him?? - sorry i'm going off topic here...

So yes, Rush got married Saturday night and who performed at his wedding? Sir Elton John.

That's right Sir Elton fucking John. Who's gay. As well an activist for Gay and AIDS rights.

Doesn't Rush fall into the category of idiots who think AIDS was created by god to punish the gays? (I might have just made that up but I have a feeling I am right).

Well my friends it seems that everyone has a price. Everyone is willing to sell their soul to the devil. Elton's price? One Million Dollars.

Does he really need that money? Is it worth it? Does he not see how offensive that is to every other gay, lesbian, transexual, etc? Everyone he is an activist for? That he in a sense represents?

Now I'm no fan of the Johnster, but if I was I wouldn't ever buy an album of his again. The GLBT should boycott him.

You know the most fucked up thing about this? That a piece of shit like Rush can get married 4 times and in essence make a mockery of the sacred union of marriage but two men or women who love each other can't.

This twat is really getting on my nerves

Bella, Bella, Bella...oh I'm sorry I mean Kristen Stewart. You are an idiot.

Have you heard this one? Kristen says fame is like being "Raped." Said comment was made during an interview she recently did with British Elle.

She said - and I quote - the following about the paparazzi:

"the photos are so... I feel like I'm looking at someone being raped. A lot of the time I can't handle it." She continues, "What you don't see are the cameras shoved in my face and the bizarre intrusive questions being asked, or the people falling over themselves, screaming and taunting to get a reaction."

I feel sooooo bad for you K-Stew. Oh the humanity! the horror! You're right, having the paparazzi taking your picture is exactly like being raped. Totally 100% exactly like being raped.

Is she fucking kidding me?? I can see you saying its rude, annoying, scary even, but likening it to being fucking raped? She's a fucking idiot.

How dare you say something like that. Have you ever actually been raped? Maybe you should sit down with a few people who have and swap stories, I'm sure you would only get 30 seconds into your story before an actual rape victim lunged for your throat.

Get over yourself. What the fuck did you think when you became an actress?! Have you never flipped through one gossip rag? Those are all paparazzi photos. This is what happens when you become famous. People want to take your picture, want to get your autograph. And take note, the minute they stop taking your picture your not relevant anymore.

If you don't like it, quit. Go back to what ever rock you crawled out from under and we would be happy to never hear from you again. Especially when stupid shit like this spews out of your mouth.

Do we really need to be friends?

You date for 5 years, then get married. You are married for 5 years then get divorced. No kids, sell the house and move.

Do you really need to be friends? What is the point? Why would you want to be friends?

Could you really have brunch, lunch or dinner and discuss with your ex the new guy/girl your fucking? Or your next conquest?

Do you want to rub it in that you are doing fucking fantastic and can't believe you wasted 10 years of your life?

Do you want to hear that your ex has reverted back to his high school friends, sit across from him wondering if he is doing coke, and thinking the whole time how many cute boys are at my favorite bar right now?

Ok, that last part might just be be me. But when the relationship ends whats the point to hold on to one last little piece of the relationship and make idle chit chat over text, like "how was your weekend?" "How are things?"

See... when I get these texts I think two things: 1) UGH. 2) If I don't respond does that make be an even bigger asshole then I was for ending it?

I have asked many people if they are friends with exes. And pretty much across the board its a big fat NO. No one sees the point.

And I agree. You're never going to be able to truly be friends. Its done, over, FINITO

So now I get to be the asshole and not respond to texts. Oh well its not like I don't make a habit of ignoring boys after I'm done with them. I do it more often than you think. Its like a part time job for me.

They're Totally Lying to Us

Who you ask? the airlines, or more specifically the flight crew (that's in the know lingo for the pilots and stewardesses) on each and every flight we take, they are lying or a the very least alluding to something that is absolutely not true.

Let me explain as I'm sure your at the edge of your seat like I just told you I cracked the Lindbergh baby case.

You know how your not allowed to have your phone, laptop, iPod, basically any electronic devices on during take off and landing? Becuase it screws with the controls, well who really fucking knows what it is messing with we are just all under the impression if any of this crap is on we will crash and die.

or end up on lost which in my opinion would be fantastic. anywhoo I digress..

Well, well, well guess what? my iPhone was NOT in airplane mode AND I was listening to music the moment I got on the plane till I stepped off.

So what the fuck?? why make us suffer without music or entertainment when we are sitting on the runway for what could be an hour or more to take off or for the last 20 minutes of the flight during the descent?

Because they are assholes that's why. Correction, they are assholes with a little bit of power over you and are miserable themselves so they want to make you miserable too.

But we all let them be assholes and make us miserable right? Why? because we are afraid that if our seat isn't upright, our tray table isn't in the lock position or we have our phone on they will send the US marshall after our ass and we will be put on the no fly list.

They can go to hell, I say. Lets all band together on this one. I betcha if every single person on every single flight got together and blatantly disobeyed the flight crew they would have no choice but to get rid of that stupid rule. It could be a modern day hands across America or some shit like that.

But your not going to do it are you? You're gonna pussy out right? Of course you are.

I don't know why I bother.

This is not a recap.

Let's get it straight from the get go. This is not a fucking LOST recap. That's not my job. There are plenty of sites out there that recap amazingly (zap2it, eonline, etc, etc.). The point of this post is for me to tell everyone bitching about the series finale to shut the fuck up.

Immediately after the show was over I hated it. Then I watched Jimmy Kimmel Live, proceeded to stay up till 3am pondering and thinking about what I saw, fell asleep somehow and then woke up at 7:30 to read every recap on the interweb - not because i'm an idiot that needed anything explained - but just to make sure we were all on the same page. And when I say "we" I mean me and the smart recappers, not me and the 7 million retards that are bitching right now.

This episode was a goodbye to the fans, but it also enabled fans to say goodbye to a show they have loved the past 6 years (even longer!)

I loved seeing the old characters (Shannon! Boone!) and loved even more when they individually "woke up" most especially Sawyer and Juliet. I cried like a baby both times (yes I re watched the show last night) I watched their scene together. It was great see all the major players find their loves again, but more importantly than that they got their lives back so that they could move on...and by moving on I mean heaven.

Ugh, yes we knew this whole time this show had underlying religious tones, hell mid way through the first season we were all insistent that the island was purgatory. We knew all of this, but yet the moment it was shoved in our face we got a little turned off - and when I say "we" I mean whoever didn't like it.

The whole theme of this last episode was "moving on." So now its time we move on as well.

Lets get it straight, because I have come across many, many, many people who had no idea what just went down - everything on the island happened, everything from the moment they crashed till Jack's eye closed. The alternate reality this season was purgatory. Then when Jack finally woke up and realized that wasn't his real life, that the island times was they all went to heaven. And no they didn't all die at the same time - some died before him and some died later, much later. There is no time there is no place, it is just being.

Its fucking purgatory people! It can't be explained, MOVE ON.

How else would they end the show? Can you think of a better ending? Really can you? I fucking doubt it. If the creators of the God Damn show couldn't do better then neither could you.

now fuck off.

I'll admit it. I'm kinda Addicted

So this weekend, there was a marathon on MTV of "The Jersey Shore." Under no choice of my own (there was nothing else on), I got sucked in and now...i'm addicted.

I have it set to record on my DVR. I know when the new season is starting (July 29th!) I've picked a favorite boy (Vinny) and girl (Snooki - durr). And even have watched certain scenes over and over again - like when snooki got beat down by a 200 lb chick.

At first like you, I wanted nothing to do with this show. Anytime it was on I felt like I was going to vomit (literally - like I was super drunk and had the spins) I thought it was just so fucking retarded - why glorify idiot guidos?? Guidos should not be given any publicity. They should be flushed down the toilet like the rest of our shit.

I mean seriously, the fake tans (the girls legs are so dark I was thinking they were running around in black pantyhose the entire time), the put on Brooklyn accent, the hideously stupid nick names ("the situation" - really??) I was like this is a joke right?

Then as I started watching it I decided yes it is a joke..but the joke is on them. Well at least for me, cause I'm laughing at them not with them (no truly I am, soooo not laughing with them..wellll...maybe once or twice)

Well atleast thinking the joke is on them makes me feel better about watching it.

Oh who fucking cares its genius reality TV. And I am not ashamed to be watching it.

This is soooo last year.

I thought this trend was over - having all the stickers and tags on your baseball hat. Am I wrong? Cause here I am thinking the Ghetto trend is so last year (or at the very least last season.). Do we really need to know your actual hat size? And that it is "Cool Base" whatever the fuck that means.

God children, come one! This is stupid, ugly and all sorts of wrong. Stop being an idiot. Take the god damn stickers off your hats and while your at it pick up your pants, it honestly can't be comfortable having your belt and waist of your pants under your ass.

So Disappointing

So last Friday, I scored something that all single ladies in NYC want to attain - A NYC Firefighters phone number - while he was on duty.

Pretty sick huh?

Yea not so much. You know, a fireman in gear is fucking hot no matter what. But...out of the gear, sometimes not so much. Le sigh....

I got the number, scored a date and when I met him on said date I was like...oh no. You know the minute someone starts talking if you want to make out or continue talking to them. 30 seconds into this I knew...

Such a bummer. Honestly, firemen should be required to be in their gear all the time. Whether they are working or not.

God damn it. Now I gotta find another one (it's on my bucket list durrr.).

Though the silver lining? Totally gonna get the host/manager at said bar...don't worry it's not my regular place (see the don't shit where you drink quote a few posts down) so its totally fine to do. The seeds have been planted. GAME ON.

Did I really need to go to the bar after the party?

Jesus Christ.

I woke up drunk this morning. Did we really have to go to a bar after the party (hmmm Courtney??) I'm surprised I actually woke up considering I shut off the alarm after the 10th snooze. Though I did feel better after lunch (which consisted of a BLT, Fries and a drink - hair of the dog people get on it) its not fun waking up drunk.

The moral of this story you might be asking? After drinking (most likely) a bottle of Southern Comfort at a party (all the while actively avoiding someone who has a crush on you) DO NOT hop in a cab to hit a bar for one more drink. Though tomorrow I will probably do it all over again.

Do as I say not as I do. You'll thank me for it in the morning. Promise.

Quote of the day

"Don't shit where you drink."

- Alicia

Meaning if you find a great bar where you know the owner by name and you will go there constantly don't fuck shit up by fucking one of the bartenders...because that could - no - most likely would get awkward and then you'd have to find a new bar. And that my friends would suck.

Now this is what I'm talking about

So the owners of the Giants and Jets have officially put in a bid to have the Superbowl in their new stadium for 2014.

Can I get a fuck yes on that one? FUCK YES!

Now of course not everyone is as happy as I am about this. These people are retarded pussies. They say the Superbowl should stay being played in either warm weather areas or domes (cue the eye roll.).

Football was meant to be played by men. In the elements. There should be a Superbowl in NY or New England or Buffalo. How amazing would it be to watch a Superbowl played in the snow? This is a mans sport. Not a gentleman's sport - a man's sport. There is no time for little whining pussies who are cold. Fuck that shit.

I would totally go to the Superbowl (or atleast try to ) if it was in Giants Stadium. People are saying its not fair to fans as they might get a little chilly. Oh shut the fuck up. Any true football fan would wear 10 layers of clothes a parka, long johns, anything they needed to and sit freezing there ass off watching the Superbowl.

Any one hear of Green Bay? That stadium I think is full for every game.

Look who's getting sexy!

Above is a one of the many promo photos for the Miss USA pagent. Apparently this is offensive to some. Why? Well apparently its objectifying the women enrolled in the competition, its too racy, sexy, blah blah blah...

Ummm isn't this the same pagent that makes women walk around in string bikinis - with their fake tits not moving - and then be judged?

They are being judged on how they look. How appealing, beautiful even sexy they are. The smartest chick isn't winning this shindig. Its the most attractive. The one who will garner the most attention. And that is more than likely - the sexiest.

Now let me ask another question. Who still watches this? It's supposedly airing on TV this weekend, did anyone know this? (cause I sure as hell didn't) anyone? besides those pagent moms who are trying to earn a living off of their 6 year old blonde daughters' looks? No one. I bet you didn't even know this was coming up - you do now don't you?

Nice work Donald Trump. Yesss nice work. That's right lets not forget who owns this whole thing. The Donald. Its all about publicity.

In my opinion, this competition in general objectifies women. Not the pictures. These pictures to me show these women saying "yea we look good, we are sexy, don't you want to look like us?" They are embracing their sexuality and that's empowering. The competition tells insecure women that you have to look perfect in both an evening gown and bathing suit, be able to have one talent and want world peace to be perfectly beautiful, attractive and wanted.

Dear Good Day NY.

Dear Good Day NY,

I have been watching you for years - 10 years to be exact. And I have been looking over the fact that you have been leaning more and more to the right for some time now.

I mean, its pretty fucking obvious that you are owned by a right wing based company. And it's becoming disgusting.

Case in point (and get ready people this is a rant) there was a terrorist attack last week in NY (kudos for you if you had no idea this happened!). Also about 2 weeks ago an oil well got all fucked up and started oozing oil like a mother fucker down south.

All they talk about on GDNY is the fucking terrorist "attempted" bombing. Lets be clear the bomb didn't go off - and who isn't shocked that there was one?? Damn. I am more shocked that there wasn't one sooner - They are not talking about the oil oozing all over god's green earth, a spill that's worse then the Exxon Valdez spill - so the experts say - and I believe them.

Absolutely no discussion about it.

NONE.

I watch this show from 6:30 - 9am. They maybe, maybe talk about the oil spill for 5 minutes. 5 fucking minutes the entire time.

Are they fucking kidding me?? 5 fucking minutes? This is a massive oil spill like ( I say like because it's not like it was a boat that exploded) incident, destroying waters and beaches by the minute. They can't stop it from leaking. But lets not talk about that......

Lets instead put the fear of god in people living in NYC. Making them think that they could die at any second because of a crazy radical bomber. That any Arab on the plane they are on is a bomber.

Fucking idiots. It's bullshit.

The only thing keeping me watching is Greg Kelly...he's kinda hot. Oh and Mike Woods...but he's gay and wouldn't give me a second look if I walked by him naked.

Yes I have said this before

But apparently I need to say it again. UGH. Why are these still being made? Why are people still wearing these?

Don't fucking give me that shit about "oh I am walking around the city all day I don't want my feet to hurt." I have no fucking respect for anyone that has that thinking. I am in 4" heels ALL DAY LONG. Let me say that again - ALL DAY LONG.

I am on my feet all day long. I walk up a hill to get the train, I work over 8 hours, then go out. ALL IN HEELS.

On the weekend I am running errands, doing laundry, food shopping, shall I go on? And again - ALL IN HEELS.

Flats fucking suck. UGH'S suck worse. UGH's suck the biggest dick ever.

People Please. PLEASE STOP WEARING UGHS.

For the love of GOD. STOP WEARING UGHS.

For me. I don't ask for much. Do me this favor and just stop.

I mean really what the fuck?

Maybe its me. Maybe I'm too old to know what fashion is these days. Oh please who the fuck am I kidding this one is all her.

What does she think when she looks in the mirror before leaving her house? It probably goes something like this:

Ripped hot pink stockings - check!
Beat up old converse - check!
Cut off denim shorts that make my fat ass even fatter - check!
Absolutely hideous checkered bag and poor man's member only jacket - check and check!

I look fabulous!

Girl please if you end up on this blog your a fucking idiot who shouldn't have left their house. I mean how do you honestly walk out of your house thinking this is ok? Unless its Halloween and your costume is a homeless person who is still thinks its 1980? No even then this outfit does not apply.

I mean I literally couldn't stop myself from pointing and laughing at her which might not have been the best thing considering she about 250 pounds and looked hungry.